House Of Pain
The foundation has been laid, to my house of pain,
Nails hammered, tears falls like rain.
Walls are built, insulation installed,
Windows high, to prevent the fall.
Closed are my doors, locks in place,
Outside world, I will not face.
The inside is secure, no bright painted walls,
Unwanted visitors are the cause.
Trust tucked in the bottom floor,
To let it out, there be no more.
Love was once in every room,
Now seems burried, battered and bruised.
My life is simple, in my house of pain,
No more sadness and tears that stain.
2006-08-02 13:50:54 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
copywrite 2006
By SLP
2006-08-02 14:04:43 · update #1
I Love it !!! Very stirring and emotional. Great Job!!
2006-08-03 10:18:26 · answer #1 · answered by Bullchit 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It's very expressful, with well-chosen language. Could be written a little tighter, maybe a couple more rewrites and it'll be perfect. You might want to copyright your work when posting literature on the net. A simple copyright symbol, date and author name will do.
2006-08-02 13:57:08 · answer #2 · answered by talk_eddy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very intense. If this is about your current emotional state, you have a sad life. Talk to friends. Make some friends. Develop hobbies (guitar?) If you need friends click on my avatar and e me. I'll give you my e mail address if you want. I need friends too. I hope whatever situations cause you to feel this way gets resolved.
2006-08-02 13:59:55 · answer #3 · answered by Stratobratster 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice one! But it is so sad :( If I was in pain at the moment, I dont want to read this poem because it does not help to bring me out of the pain, but hide alone in my sadness... Oh! It's so depressing
2006-08-02 14:01:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it, though it does give away your age. Teen, right? In the first few lines you are inconsistent with tense, but I do like the picture you paint with words. Very compelling, good job!
2006-08-02 14:17:03 · answer #5 · answered by chris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oooh, another dark poem. Original.
I agree with axeflame. The imagery is good, but it's just white noise.
2006-08-02 13:58:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is really good. It has so much emotion in it. I really like it, it's a beautiful poem. The imagery is great.
2006-08-02 13:56:35 · answer #7 · answered by axelflame8 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not to shabby I don't normaly ansewr poetry questions but this I like. And your picture ain't to bad either!
2006-08-02 13:58:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not bad. You clearly communicated your emotions on this poem.
2006-08-02 14:01:40 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's Cool should go to www.poetry.com you'll find lots of tips and tricks here
2006-08-02 13:55:28 · answer #10 · answered by wildinstinct 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋