Christian Opinions Wanted - brick wall relationship?

Question

What do you do when your spouse hurts you and shuts you out and does not want to cooperate or resolve anything? When your spouse does not want to discuss anything serious with you, and if it gets serious the spouse just completely shuts down and aggressively turns away? When counseling has been promised but half-heartedly done in the past and now finances are already too stretched out without the counseling? What good is counseling anyway if the issues aren't dealt with and the wife is blamed for everything? If he has changed so much and yet can still be cold and distant and not seem to care about my feelings or opinions and not want to hear anything the wife has to say. What if the husband makes a valid excuse for the wife to not get a separation so that they each by themselves can work on their own selves. Should the wife tough it out with her quiet conduct and fear of the Lord to win him over? How can such a wife submit herself to a husband who does not act like he cares for her?

Answer 1

The situation you are in sounds pretty tense. I hope you are holding up under all the strain.

You are right, counseling only works if both people are willing to work at repairing the relationship. The added stress of financial difficulties makes it even worse.

As a christian you have committed yourself to making this marriage work. You do have to try and sort through the problems. Ask your pastor to direct you to someone for individual counseling through the church. They may be able to give you the support you need to get through this mess.

I learned (through a church-sponsored, Bible-based divorce support group) that there are two reasons actually stated in the Bible where divorce is not only allowed - it is encouraged. The first case is if there is abuse in the marriage. The second case is one of "unequally yoked" which means the spiritual levels of the couple are so different that they can never support each other in their religion. Of course, I don't remember the verses right now or I would direct you to them.

If you cannot resolve the issues with your husband and feel the only recourse is a divorce, at least understand that a christian can divorce without being judged if your situation fits the two cases above.

Answer 2

While divorce is not something I would advise I will inform you it is a forgiveable sin. Also if finances are the reason you can't seek counsceling most churches offer free marraige counseling. Just pray. My husband and I are kind of shy about praying out loud together so we have started writing what we will be praying about that day in a notebook and sharing it with each other. I want you to know I will be praying for you and if there is anything I can do to help maybe just a shoulder to cry on email me [e-mail]

Answer 3

i'll believe the Christian. A brick wall is continuously a brick wall and may not replace for the more effective constructive yet will purely fall down in time. A Christian has the hand of God to help them grow to be all they're typically.

Answer 4

If two people love each other, then both should be willing to submit to the other. Don't place a lot of undue guilt and oppression on yourself. If your husband is cold and not willing to work through things, you cannot change that. To be a Christian doesn't mean you have to be a doormat, or stay in a loveless marriage. Trust that God is a God of grace and love and generally wants people to be in loving relationships.

Answer 5

Ugh! Maybe he's dying from all the talk! Honestly, women make TOO much about men not expressing themselves or sharing their feelings. It's psycho crap, so give it a rest, already!
Now, part 2: If he is such a jerk that he won't go to counsel then you go by yourself. You both are in serious need of intervention, tomorrow, no excuses. He won't help himself so you HAVE to help yourself.

Answer 6

You do have two choices. You can be miserable and bitter and angry...constantly nagging and being sad....or you can start living your life with him but at the same time, start doing things that are going to make you happy. Give him a taste of his own medicine. Don't give him the satisfaction. Give him some space and work on yourself. Make the choice to have joy in your life with or without him. When he sees you doing this it will make him step back. Give it to him! Good luck!

Answer 7

Maybe he is depressed..depression can take a toll on a marriage.I defiently inform him of your feelings thats for sure ..its soo easy keeping everything in ..i know lol Is he willing to work on his marriage..are u? I dont think u are to a piont were u need to divorce him inless he is emotionial abusing u are hitting u!! but..id just tell him u are not happy! he made vows too!!to honer his wife..

Answer 8

Marriage is a partnership. If your husband refuses to be a partner in your life together, you're not under any legal, moral, or spiritual obligation to stay with his, Remember the vows "love, honor, cherish."

Answer 9

A True Christian Response would be, you married him, you had sex with him, and now you must live with him for the rest of your life.

A real life response is, you should have figured all this out prior to marriage, talked about it, etc. So now you have 2 choices...live with it, or walk away.

Answer 10

Nothing is more stressful than having problems with our other half ( your husband). God doesn't like it when we fight and quarrel. But on the bright side, when a couple fight in a relationship, they don't lose the ability to love. Which means that, people in a committed relationship, in order to stay in the relationship, they have to work it out one way or the other. Thay have to humble themselves enough to be able to talk, to communicate it through, you have to reach some kind of compromise. The way I see it, one of you has a hard heart, and it appears to be your husband in this case.
When we praise God, it surely helps us to let go of our troubles. When we lift up our hands in praise and worship, we cannot help but let go of what is troubling us. That's because true love creates an environment of freedom, that is not controlling.
God is in the business of changing hearts if we give Him yhe chance. When we praise and adore Him, its like a door opens and all His love returns back to us. With all of God's love flowing through us, we are better able to love others around us.
Even if it is only you, honey, that has an on going relationship with Christ, your relationship with your husband will improve big time. When you communicate with and praise God, you open up that door that allows all of His love to enter into you, and your relationships, your families lives will all be transformed. You see, when you give your all to Christ, your praise, your love and adoration, His love will overflow into you by the power of His spirit, and give to you peace, and enable your relationships to be restored. This is the hidden power of praising God.
Your husband will respond to a home filled with worship and praise, trust me on this. Relationships are built up and strengthened when the atmosphere in a home is filled with love of Christ, listening to worship music., praying and praising the Lord.
It's only when we open up our heart to receive all of God's love that we can stop putting the pressure on other people to love us the way that we want to be loved. It's only when we start loving Him with all of our being that we can receive all the love that He has for us. And then you can love your husband the way Christ wants you too.
Sweetie, start praising the Lord and thanking Him for all that He has given you even your disgruntled husband, thank Him for your relationship, your home, anything. Ask Him to take control of your marriage, your love, and then leave it their trusting Him to do His will for you two. Whenever you feel swayed, start praising and praying, don't let the enemy sway you off your course.
Try this honey and God Bless.