Problem in the bedroom...?

Question

I have been married for four years. In the begining of our marriage my husband and I were open with p*rn. After 3 months of marriage he got so into it that he stopped having sex with me. He would lie to me and stay he was staying up late to work but he was on the internet looking at p*rn for hours. This pattern has continued and we go through phases every 6 months where he choses p*rn over sex with me. He has never physically cheated on me but because this happens so often I feel like I am being cheated on. At this point in time I do not have a sexual attraction to him because of the constant lying and sneaking around, not to mention the fact that he told me always thinks of others while he is in bed with me. I understand that men like variety but there is a point where it is disrespectful. I am 23, attractive and have a strong sex drive, why is the problem happening?

Answer 1

Wow. Serious problem. The worst part of it all is ofcourse the dishonesty. I know I'm not telling you anything new there, but that's what would upset me the most. I'm kind of with you in the sense that I don't mind a guy that I'm with looking at porn and doing his own thing, but not at the expense of our sex life. Porn is just fine with me so long as he doesn't watch an unhealthy amount of it. And even more importantly, it doesn't become a constant substitue for sex that I'd be willing to have. The fact that he tells you that he thinks of other women when he's having sex with you is just plain rude. Among other things. The best way to go about this is to just sit him down and very calmly explain to him that you have a problem with him looking at porn 'as much' as he does. Something tells me you're a smart girl and have already done that though. From there.. jeez.. it's been going on so long that I don't know if you can call it a phase... Where you go from there, if it doesn't stop, or atleast slow down a great deal, is really something you'll have to figure out based on how much it affects you and the relationship..

Answer 2

Sorry to hear that you are not happy with your hubby. Like computer games, p*rn, it becomes an addiction that most 'adicts' refused to admit. Like p*rn, they would go to the extend of imaginating they were the 'actors' and feels the conquests everytime the shows end.
Unless your hubby is abled to come to his senses fast, he would ruin his happiness with you. Try talking to a psychatrist or a family counsellor. If you want something fast & cheap, you should try to install parental filtering programs (ie. to stop children from accessing to porno sites etc) and hoped he doesn't notice it. You can go to www.download.com and search for 'porn' or 'parental'.....
However, you must continue to do your part to make him attracts to you again. Probably dressing up and seducing him since you are attractive and have strong sex drive. I don't wished for you to break up. I strongly believe he still loves you deeply and hope you will give him some more time to cure his addiction.
It is true that it is disrespectful but for your happiness is worth trying harder.

Answer 3

He does what he wants with no shame. You let him. You probably dont have the power to change him. He must not think much of you, if he does not see anything wrong with his activities. And it doesnot seem that the love between the both of you has done anything to make you stronger and better people to be coupled with. Do not say yes to everything. He looks like s hit jacking. He does not love you right. You are young, someone will.
The problems begin when there is not a desire to be a strong man

Answer 4

Because you didn't marry me!............. just kidding.

O.K.............You first need to know he was always this way about porn. You allowed him to be open with it but you are not responsible for the unlikely results. If you are trying to save your marriage, I would recommend counseling..... I know...... I know..... "not the shrink".

Your other option is, Bring some of the spice he see's on the Internet to bed with you. In other words "fulfill his fantasy". You're young and attractive with a strong sex drive, this should be easy for you. If he wasn't your husband I would tell you to dump him.

Caution: He's a man! He "WILL" eventually find another fantasy.

Answer 5

porn can be as addicting as drugs. Unfortunately, it seems that your husband needs porfessional help to get over the addiction.
It is a real disorder.

I do feel for you, it is frustrating to be so young, with a strong sex drive and not being able to satisfy it. Before you do anything rash, ask your husband to seek professional help, or even marriage counseling.

Answer 6

I think your husband has a BIG problem. Sounds like he is looking at other men and not women. I would cut the internet and the computer or put a password on the computer so be cant get on the computer and the only way he could is if you let him use the computer. GOOD LUCK.

Answer 7

i'm 23 and my b\f was doin the same thing. heres what u do kick him off the comp than were a sexy lace bra and g\string go on the porn sites ur self and watch it and buy us self a blue dolphin dildo and have the time of ur life but make as much noise as u can so he can hear u and he will get the idea that ur happy with porn and not him. give it 2 weeks and he will wont u bad.

Answer 8

So, he has an addition... and You know what... I'd say that you need to seriously think about staying married with him... because if you "feel" like your being cheated on.. you most likely are...

And your still young... Go find someone that will love you like you should be...

Answer 9

Talk to your husband and ask what it is he likes about porn. Maybe you guys can spice up your sex life and he wont turn to the late night porn sessions. That or you can try and watch it with him.

Answer 10

he seems to have a sexual addiction. I would suggest counseling for both of you - separately and then together. If you found a mole, you would not wait to see a doctor, this is just as cancerous.