I caught him cheating- should I forgive him?

Question

My boyfriend of 1 year travels a lot for work- he goes all over the world incl. Asia, Europe & Mexico. During the course we're together he's probably gone for 4 months total. We have a really great relationship: very compatible, great communication, great sex- I know we adore each other. 2 weeks ago I found evidence that he hooked up with this Asian girl during one of his trips to Asia in June. I was crushed and demanded answers- I wanted to know why he did it, and he insisted that it doesn't have anything to do with me. He said I'm the best g/f he's ever had, that I'm precious to him blablabla and that the reason he did it was b/c he was tempted and he slipped. He said he loves me and ask me to forgive him. He said he won't do it again b/c he can't bear the sight of hurting me again like he just did. When he saw me cry he cried with me too. He's a grown, responsible, intelectual, financially secure man in his early 30s, and while he is very affectionate to me I have never

seen him cry like that and that was the very 1st time he did it and my heart just melt. I decided to try and work it out- we've been having lots of sex since it happened, 4-5 times a day if you could believe that (& we don't even leave together). I didn't ask him to give up his job for me b/c I know that's not fair. He is travelling again next week and will be gone for 2-3 weeks, to the same place again in Asia where he cheated on me. He said this woman doesn't even live there and he said he has no intention to get in contact with her- it was just a one nite stand & it didn't mean anything to him. He said he's stupid and he's sorry and he will do anything to prove to me that he can stay faithful b/c he won't lose me. He said he'd do anything to make me trust him back, incl. calling me twice a day while he travels so that I know he's not doing anything he's not supposed to. But I can't live wondering what he's doing all the time while he travels- am just not cut out for that. Help?

No- our relship is not like that- it's never about money. We both are financially independent of each other- we make our own money, we don't live together (& we're not married)- we have no kids, no mutual financial responsibility, which I think it's great. I just don't know if I can see him the same way again. How do you forget and forgive someone who cheated on you once? How do you move on? I know some women stay b/c of financial reasons or kids, but I have none of that- so how do I do it? What's my reason?

I know this might seem hard to believe (even my girlfriends don't believe me) but we ALWAYS use condoms b/c I don't want to get pregnant. I'm not ready to be a parent just yet. I was tested negative w/ STDs and Aids about 9 months ago- and he just had his test done last Monday... still waiting for the results.

Answer 1

You're the only one that can decide whether or not to forgive him. Today you might feel like he is worth trying to forgive and might feel like you want to work it out... but a year from now you might still be thinking about this "slip" every single day and end up not being able to trust him. All I can say is DON'T make any Hasty decisions. Don't get married, pregnant, etc. for AT LEAST a year. Wait that long and then see how you feel about him. Your feelings might be all over the place for a while... and that's normal, but is certainly not the time to be making major decisions.

Answer 2

Well, I might not be the best person to ask because I forgave my husband for cheating twice and he did it again a third time before I kicked him out. I guess it depends on the person. The "Once a cheater, always a cheater" motto isn't always true. Some people do change. Some don't. When I was a teenager, I cheated on one of my ex-boyfriends. He never found out but I've always felt so guilty because he treated me really good. I swore to myself that I would NEVER cheat on anyone EVER AGAIN, and I haven't. If you really love him and think that your relationship can last, forgive him. And, make him work to earn your trust back. You both have a lot to discuss, let him know what you expect and what he needs to do to earn your trust and RESPECT back, and make him work for it! But if he cheats a second time, don't give him an opportunity to do it a third... HOWEVER- if you forgive him, you mustn't hold any animosity against him as this will grow into resentment and the relationship will never work. If you forgive him, you must aknowlege his wrong-doing as a mistake and not hold a grudge, and must COMPLETELY forgive him. AGAIN< IF HE CHEATS AGAIN IF YOU FORGIVE HIM, DONT FORGIVE HIM A SECOND TIME!!!as this is a sign that he will just continue to do so and probably will never change, and really wasn't sorry in the first place.

Answer 3

Personally if you're relationship was as wonderful as you say then the temptation wouldn't be there. Ya know?!

I don't care if it's a man or a woman.

My husband deploys a lot (Japan, Australia, Thailand) and it would never cross my mind that he was doing anything wrong. He never would! There is absolutely no excuse for him to be doing that!

You have to decided what you can live with. How it will effect you everytime he leaves, when he doesn't answer his phone or whatever else could come along. How are you going to feel when he is only 5 minutes late or doesn't answer the phone at a hotel in the middle of the night?

If you can forgive him and get past all of that then good for you, maybe it will still work then.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

He travels all over the world - so he sleeps with different women all over the world too I bet. When last did you get yourself checked out at the STD clinic and have an aids test?

Of course he cried, he doesn't want to hurt you. I would forgive him if it was me but I sure as heck would be very wary about my health too.

A man doesn't have sex with a strange woman because he's fallen out of love with his wife/girlfriend, he's fulfilling an urge. He can walk away without feeling emotionally attached. So yes forgive him.

Answer 5

The answer is "NO". He hurt you, betrayed your trust and once trust is broken- it is irreplacable. I dont blame you for being crushed & demanding answers, look at what he did to you. If you go back with him and forgive him of his stupidity all your doing is setting yourself up for failure again. Considering you say he travels a lot, most likely it probally will happen again. "Once a dog, always a dog"- it may be a "harsh" quote but it is something to live by. Also, your relationship will not be same after what he did. You will always have the feeling inside of you wondering if he is lying or cheating on you. Spare yourself Please....

Answer 6

I'm very sorry that this happened to you. No one deserves to be treated this way. Try the articles at Dr. Phil. They really helped me to make up my mind about what to do.

FWIW, here's something I wrote recently about how it made me feel when she cheated.

"There were times when I felt like a sword was through my chest from heart to spine. Sometimes I started to cry without provocation. I had trouble sleeping. I plotted her death in at least a dozen different ways. (She's safe, don't worry.)

The most awful aspect of it all is that there was no one to talk to. I couldn't talk to her about how I felt about her cheating because she was no longer a trusted partner. I couldn't talk to my parents, parents, brothers, or friends because it was just too shaming.

The loneliness was so thick, heavy, and cloying that it felt like being buried under a pile of cold dirt.

Lastly, there's the finality of knowing that nothing will ever be the same again."

Answer 7

The query is ""why do individuals cheat"? At the fee of spouse and household, house and ownership; why take that fine risk of being stuck in a base lie? Because the cheater is lacking anything very fine of their lifestyles. For guys and females, that "factor" is confirmation of self. Most cheaters have low vainness and want any one else to confirm them as "well". And not anything is extra strong for the person than for the girl to inform him this in sexual submission. Yet, you provide him intercourse. (I expect) But, he already has you. What you need to say approximately this implies not anything. He demands to move out and feature a stranger "inform" him that he's appropriate. But, as soon as he has this different character, he can not be given their opinion of him now. He have got to now pass "ask" any one else. This is why "as soon as a cheater - continuously a cheater". He has a individual flaw that demands to be constant for him to give up this harmful conduct. Look - he'll positioned his entire lifestyles at the line to get this confirmation. This is how strong the have got to "consider" wanted. Question? Did he cheat the day when you acquired married? ahhh - no. It was once handiest within the path of time that he discovered that YOU don't confirm him the best way that he demands. His affair is as a lot approximately your incapacity to furnish him with what he demands as his loss of ethical individual. As marriage isn't a 50/50 deal, however a one hundred%/one hundred% deal, you're as a lot accountable for this as he's. Did he "slip up"? No. He is aware of EXACTLY what he is doing and what he is acquired to lose and he is inclined to take that threat to discover a few style of completeness in his lifestyles. Listen - this entire factor could be very, very difficult. Hit the books and START to gain knowledge of WHY individuals do what they do. You don't appreciate the male brain. You don't appreciate what "demands" are for different individuals. How would he be so repentant and nonetheless do it once more? He might not be in a position to let you know for he can't provide an explanation for his underlying nature. He's a man. He has little potential for emotional expression. He will reply to why he does this as "I have no idea why"? And he will be lovely just about the reality. This is why you BOTH need to get into counseling to gain knowledge of why you each do the matters that you just do.

Answer 8

If you forgive him then you have to understand that there is a chance that he will do it again. If you believe that the two of you can work it out then you should try. It may be hard to trust him again being that he travels so much.

Answer 9

my x cheated on me more than once and i found out the first time , he said it wouldn't happen again and it did he cried blah blah blah, saying he didn't mean to it , he only stuck it in for a few seconds,,,,, whatever. did i mention he got this girl pregnant both times? well hes history and if i were you i wouldn't trust him again. he did it intentionally the first time obviously he didn't trip and land inside her. It was his intention and he should pay, who knows, did he use protection? did he knock her up? wow only a one night stand? you do the math.

Answer 10

With all of his traveling, you will always wonder what he is doing. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Kick him to the pavement, or have an open relationship with him.. When he is away, you get to play too. See how that flies with him.