my husband is emailing an old girlfriend - she has suggested meeting with him for sex. I read the email?

Question

his only response was "i don't know if I could do that" he doesn't know that I know a thing. Should I say something to him? Is this considered an affair?

he knows I hate her. He even responded in another email. "I shouldn't even be talking to you - my wife would kill me."

Answer 1

If he has sex with her, he is cheating. If he tries to have sex with her, he is cheating. You were wrong to have read his email. In this case I'd say the ends justify the means though. Anyone in a serious relationship should make it very clear to all others that they are not interested in 'sex' or anything of the sort other than with you. Call him out. Wait and see. That's up to you. The end result probably won't be good though. He's no good. Atleast that's what I think from you you've said.

Answer 2

Whoa... I would ask him if he's happy. Seems like a simple none confrontational question. Really listen to his answer. Then tell him that you aren't, you're hurt, and tell him why.
He may not have cheated yet, but allowing this woman to talk to him like that is not right and is definitely a betrayal of trust.
If he tells you that it's no big deal and/or gets defensive... sadly, you'll have your answer.

Then that's when you need to protect yourself. Copy all the emails down on a disc before he gets a chance to delete them, and for the ones that he already has; take your PC to a PC specialist and get them to pull everything out that he has done and have them put a site and key tracker on the PC. It could be more than emails, they can easily go to private chat and you would have no knowledge of those. I would also get your cellular and home phone records from the companies. If you end up in divorce court, it's much better to be prepared.

I hope that this helps:) Good Luck and Best Wishes!

Answer 3

Oh boyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. That is terrible. I would think yes, it's a kind of an affair or a flirty affair. He shouldn't be emailing his old flame anyway. You should keep reading his email and see when and where, if at all, they are to meet and you should just show up.

Answer 4

Well I do think there is something there. Dont confront him because if he finds out that you read the email, It could make you look like the bad guy. He' will pull that I cant believe you are going through my email. Why not keep a close eye on him.

Answer 5

No, you shouldn't say anything to him, but you should get a keylogging software program to track his e-mail, IM's, etc. There are scores on the net, many for free. Knowledge is power, and you need more of it.

No, it is not considered an affair. You may feel threatened, even betrayed, but without sex there is no "infidelity", and therefore no affair. (It doesn't mean what he's doing isn't utterly wrong. It just means it's not truly and "affair".)

Answer 6

First of all, your husband has no business emailing an old gf to begin with.... Secondly, I would definitely let him know that you seen this email.... Then I would contact this old gf, let her know you saw her email, and tell her to take a hike. And Yes, its all a form of cheating, because once married, if you are thinking of someone other than your spouse in like manner, or putting time into anything that doesnt concern your spouse, but, with the opposite sex, its a form of cheating!

Answer 7

I wouldn't think it is considered an affair until they actually have an affair. But it sounds like something could happen and you may want to try to talk it over before it does. Doesn't sound like he is hiding it if you can read his email. Is it possible he is wanting to make you jealous and see what your reaction would be? I wouldn't know how to go about it myself, but I think I wouldn't wait for it to happen or even email her acting to be your hubby?

Answer 8

Do you share an email account? If you don't you'd have to admit that you were snooping and then he'd try to spin it as if you don't trust him. It sounds as if you have every reason not to trust him, unless I am reading this wrong. IF the ex-girlfriend seems to be pursuing him, then you need to come clean, take your lumps and let him know you know about her suggestion. It's not easy to learn that a spouse might be cheating on you - I hope that isn't the case. Good luck!

Answer 9

The fact you are reading his emails, suggests to me that there must have been other evidence giving you reason to believe he either has been cheating, or is in the beginning stages of cheating. This, as someone else has already pointed out, truly is a rare opportunity to see just how faithful he is. The fact he says he doesn't know if he could do that (cheat) or not, is a little bothersome.

This, in my humble opinion, is what you should be doing now. DO NOT CONFRONT HIM WITH WHAT YOU KNOW RIGHT NOW. Continue to monitor his emails. When he gets one from her, print it and keep it for your records. Monitor both the cell phone and home phone bills, and see if you see any numbers you don't recognize. Information may be able to give you the name of the person to whom the number(s) belong. If you can pin point them as hers, keep copies of the bills for your records, with those numbers highlighted. If he does attempt to meet her, see if you can get there before their appointed arrival, so you can find a good place to observe them, without them knowing you are there. Get pictures if possible, especially if they are going in to and out of rooms(especially hotel rooms) where they are the only ones who are in those rooms. Document anything you may over hear him saying to someone on the phone or in casual conversation that either refers to an ongoing affair or the possibility of starting one up. You may want to consider trying to monitor phone calls going in to and out of the house for a while, by taping them. Make sure you keep copies of tapes with incriminating remarks made by him to her and her to him. You will want to do this for a long period of time. Remember you are trying to establish a pattern of behavior and a method of operation. Make sure you keep all of this hidden from him. If he is cheating, and the time is right, and will know when the time is right, you can confront him. You will want to show him one or two key pictures, and may be one or two key emails, but not all of what you have. At this point you can proceed how you feel is best.

If you are wanting to save your marriage, showing him 1 or 2 pictures and emails will force him to admit the truth so the two of you can get to the root cause of his infidelity more readily and easily during marriage counseling sessions. Hopefully, if all goes well, you will go on to have a very happy and healthy marriage the rest of your lives.

If you are not wanting to save your marriage, showing him one or two emails and pictures will let him know he is pretty much screwed.

Either way, you are the one in the position of power. It is of vital importance you do not let him know just how much evidence you do have until the very last possible minute you have to, in any case.

Answer 10

WOW
I WOULD KEEP QUIET UNTIL THE BIG MEETING FOR SEX
THATS IF HE HAS THE BALLS TO DO IT
THEN FOLLOW HIM TO THE SEX MEETING PLACE AND WHEN THEY ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF DOING IT
RAM THE CAR THROUGH THE HOUSE OR MOTEL ROOM WHERE THEY ARE AT.
THEN JUMP OUT OF THE CAR AND BIITCH SLAP HER AND KICK HIM RIGHT IN THE PENIIS.
I WOULD ALSO TAKE THE KIDS,YOUR MOM AND DAD,HIS MOM AND DAD AND ANY RELATIVES TO SEE THIS DISGUSTING BEHAVIOR.


OR




YOU COULD JUST SIT TIGHT AND NOT SAY A WORD.
CONFIRM HE IS CHEATING THEN SILENTLY GET A LAWYER AND WHILE HE IS AT WORK.
PAY MOVERS TO COME IN AND REMOVE THE "ENTIRE" CONTENTS OF THE HOUSE TO "YOUR HOUSE" AND DONT FORGET TO LEAVE A PEN AND THE DIVORCE PAPERS SITTING ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER.
NOT A WORD TO HIM AND MOVING WILL BUST HIS EGO AND BALLS SOOOOOOOO BAD.
PROVE YOU DONT HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THAT **** ANYMORE OR EVER!
I WOULD PAY BIG BUCKS TO SIT IN YOUR FRONT YARD WITH MY LAWN CHAIR AND BEVERAGE TO SEE HIM COME HOME TO A REAL EMPTY HOUSE!
A CLASSIC MOVE
AND A REAL GOOD POINT