I had a spine fusion last year and have been in pain and well medicated for about a year. This weekend I found a hotel bill and lingerie in a bag in the back of the closet. When I confronted her, she said she still loved me, but felt I didnt want her anymore. I never assumed the late nights she spent at work was an affair....
I still love her, we are trying to work it out, the affair lasted from Dec thru April according to her..... How do I forget what she's done and put the thoughts of her with someone else out of my mind.... How do you regain trust???
I want to forgive her and move on, but the pain in my heart is killing me.....
2006-08-02 12:28:23 · 15 answers · asked by NCLost66 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I understand what you're going through and I feel for you. I have been on both ends of this equation and it's ugly from both sides (but definitely more painful when you're the betrayed spouse).
First... there is no justification for what your wife did. She hurt you and betrayed you and destroyed the trust in your relationship. You have a right to feel hurt, angry and crushed. You should not try to deny those feelings. The more you try to stuff them down and forget them the more they will pop up over and over and over again.
You must allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you're feeling. There are stages that people go through. Shock, Bargaining, Anger, Sadness, etc. etc. (there's some great info on Dr. Phil's website on what's normal and to be expected).
You don't forget. You might learn to live with what happened and begin to accept what happened and rebuild the trust.. but it will take a long time for it to stop hurting. Sometimes you'll feel like you're feeling better and then WHAM! the thoughts come flooding back in again. Just be patient with yourself and hopefully your wife will be patient with you... after all... she is the one who decided to bring this into your marriage.
Best wishes!
2006-08-02 12:43:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
More over than none, its usually women who come on here saying how their husbands have cheated, but, hey, Ill tell you the same thing as I told them...... Forgiving is the easy part...... The forgetting, those thoughts that you spoke of, feelings of inadequacy, can eat ya alive!! Broken trust is a serious thing, some find success in getting counselling, others never make it...
If you trully feel shes sorry, and if you feel it deep down that she'll never do it again, sincerely, then chances are you can make it past this.... Good Luck!
2006-08-02 19:51:40 · answer #2 · answered by Katz 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How can you forgive and forget? Here you are with all these medical problem's and instead of her being there and supporting you she's out with some other guy, now that's love! TRUST, she lost that when she did what she did, once a cheater always a cheater. Move on with your life she ain't worth a second chance!
2006-08-02 19:36:36 · answer #3 · answered by RuneDragon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did she feel you didnt want her anymore? Im guessing that along with no sex, there was no other physical intimacies either. Tell her you are hurt, and that you do love her. Start making more time for the two of you. Kiss, hold hands, snuggle in bed. I think she will see that she can be satisfied with just these things. This can be worked out. Keep trying!
2006-08-02 19:44:24 · answer #4 · answered by shannon d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry dude, its a tough one. Once a trust is lost, its never to be found. You might be able to forgive her, but you will never forget. It take a very strong person for that. I don't have any advice for you, but I wish you the best of luck to work through your pain.
2006-08-02 19:43:57 · answer #5 · answered by spidermaniii_06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said that you were ill so you possibly could not have taken care of her needs. You would have wanted to help her with her needs but unfortunately were not able too. I say be happy that she took care of her needs in a discreet way and stayed with you. Possibly even aiding you when you needed her.
This is weird but my husband and I were discussing an issue that came up in regards to some friends. Wife had a one night stand and husband found out and was very up set. Yet the husband said himself that he was ill and they had not been interment for the last say six months. I stated to my husband "Its not cheating if your not getting any." And he got up set. But I told him if I was sick and he took care of me and had a play mate I would not be upset just as long as he did not leave me. I love my husband that much that I would be willing to let him have an affair as long as he was honest (up front) with me. To me that's true love.
2006-08-02 19:47:54 · answer #6 · answered by florie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I could never regain trust after this. I hope you are both getting counseling, but personally, cheating is the one thing I could never forgive in a marriage.....a promise is a promise!
My heart aches for you, and I wish you wisdom to make your decisions. Blessings to you...........
2006-08-02 19:42:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can forgive but you cant forget it, its takes a very long time to regain that trust sometimes, you cant gain it back , because it will always be in the back off your mind, is she or he doing it still? it takes time.
2006-08-02 19:33:28 · answer #8 · answered by ~*Jenny*~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My fiance` cheated on me a month and a half ago and I still think of it everyday. I hate it. But I do forgive him and I do believe it was a mistake. Good luck!
2006-08-02 19:35:19 · answer #9 · answered by Caffiene Junkie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a pretty good idea how bad you feel. It happened to me. You can see what I wrote about, if you want, to another questioner.
Also, there's a link to an article at Dr. Phil. It helped me. Maybe it will help you.
2006-08-02 19:43:30 · answer #10 · answered by Otis F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋