Why is divorce so full of pain?

Question

You have been with this guy for 13 years. You are 28 years old. You have cheated on him, he has abused you physically and mentally for 8 of that 13 years. You love his family very much but you can't seem to live with or without him. You finally made up your mind that you want a divorce but it is one of the most painful but your chest wants to explode. What to do?

Answer 1

SORRY to all the people above but I have to say different !!!

You DO NOT need to stay married to a person that abuses you!!!

I would like anyone to show me where it is in the wedding vows -

( I swear to allow my husband to beat me when ever he feels like it.)

You need to get away, first talk to your own family and make sure that you have a place to go, then get out and don't let him talk you into coming back...

Answer 2

Divorce is full of pain, because ending something with someone that was too be forever is never easy. If abuse is at fault on both sides, It's best too part. How do I know I'm ending a 30 year abuse cycle. Gone back too school and living for the first time in my life and I'm 48 and a grandmother of ten. New journey's begin with a first step and a brighter future.

Answer 3

It hurts because you are not only saying goodbye to the person, you are saying goodbye to the dreams you had when you first married.
You are letting go of all the efforts and faith you vested while you saw it slowly deteriorating.
It is very painful to let go of dreams and desires, but holding onto them in some situations can not only be dangerous, and heartbreaking, they can also be painfully disappointing and frustrating adding fuel to an already volatile situation.Staying too long in a relationship causes more scars and deeper scars than letting go (and at times letting God Whomever that may be to you.)
You can love a person all you want, there is nothing written in stone that you have to live with them.
All of our negative emotions are generated from fear of something, fear of loss, fear of insignificance....so on
once you find which it is for you that your fear is based on, the happier and stronger you will be.
Sorry for the sadness, but the bright side is that growth hurts like a s.o.b.

Answer 4

I've never been married in that sense, if you are talking about marriage within a religion, and not in the common law sense either. In harmony with answer six: of all constituents in human essence, love is the grace of human nature, the best. Love is the source for the forming ability of our idealization in human social relations. Loss of its faith is devastating. We are susceptable, vunerable, penetrable for social forces of a partly negative nature which are predeterminant for subsequent and concurrent relationships. Our interpretations of actions of others are colored by them, giving idealized forms which may not be true to life, distorting our perceptions of not only our loved ones, but all others, and others to ourself. By now you are probably realizing that this is not a completely conscious process, for if it was, there would be no mystery and no marriage. But knowledge of those forces which foil, spoil, contaminate and pervert love from its course could prevent such failures as knowledge transforms the person learning, changing, growing, expanding and accomodating new abilities, insights, intuitions and know-how. This brings us to the next reason there is so much pain; we meet and identify (hopefully) our limitations, our faults, our mystery, and then our answers, our renewal, our old self and our wiser self.

Love expressed in all our various social relations is what we return to, knowing its full value is something else.

Knowing Love itself is self knowledge that rises above that which was. What was you is now past you, different. But if love is not differentiated in abstraction, then what guide is there for knowing the love from another. It is not enough that you love, but to know what it is as certainly as knowing all other constituents of human essence: psychology.

Here in summary form: Legend of symbols:

'+' = 'a joining', 'a physical contact', 'will to communicate', generally positive, not negating but positing, positioning, proposing...

'-' = a negation, taking a part, destruction, removal, exclusion, ....

Love without specifying relationship nor act specification: + + + +

Sexual activity: - + + + (the reason for the minus "-" is the breaking down for resistence in the form anxiety (drugs, alcohol, ideology), loveless sex has this uncertainty whereas love filled sexual activity has no such uncertainty or resistence)

Sadism: - - + + (this form of aggression has a psychological component that may described spiritual, superstitious, ideological. One '+' is for this 'spiritual component' and the other '+' the will or urge to get at the victim)

Aggression in the form hostility, anger:
- - - + (the pure will to destroy, uncluttered with ideology, higher ideal, the unreality of superstition or supernaturality, no abstraction is possible, it is negated)

defense: - - - - (the will to escape danger, there is no component for contact, the negation desired is total and instantaneous, immediate, to flee, to avert the senses from the threat, ...)

Answer 5

become your dream has turned into a nightmare...if you are only 28 you have plenty of time and opportunity to have another man in your life...and not a love/hate relationship as you do now with the abuse..it only gets worse...i know it's hurts because i went through the same thing...you will be okay!

Answer 6

Get a divorce. It won't be easy but the pain will ease over time. It relly will be better than the abuse, Honest !

Answer 7

the pain, besides the obvious reasons, probably come from Fear of the unknown (what your new life will be like), and you feel disappointment about how you envisioned how your life was supposed to be.

Answer 8

MARITAL "BONDS" ARE ETERNAL
PARENTAL BONDS ARE ETERNAL
SPIRITUAL FEELINGS
MAY EXPLAIN YOUR "PAIN: IT'S YUOUR BODY SPIRIT
WAY OF SAYING MAINTAIN STABILITY

NORMAL HUMAN FEELINGS OF LOVE AND ATTACHMENT WEREN'T MEANT TO BE DSICONTINUED
ITS A BIOLOGICAL SOCIAL IMPERITIVE TO HAPPINESS
SO, WHAT DO YOU DO?
FIX IT
ELIMATE CHEATING
ELIMATE ABUSE
WHAT REMAINS IS LOVE AND FAMILY
ALL THE BEST : )

Answer 9

the pain is temporary although it sure seems not. The healthy way is BEST

Answer 10

Live up to your vows!