Stuck up between wife and Love :(?

Question

Hi all,
Married my best friend when I was studying after a lot of fight with parents. She loves me though and I did not have those feelings exactly like she is the girl I am looking for. So I was half sure and not ready. After marriage, I met another girl and fell in love with her and she is exactly the kind of girl I was looking for. Right person at the wrong time!!! The circumstances then, emotionally, financially also helped us come close together as I was very low and depressed for various reasons. Now, I am stuck up between these two and cant decide which way to go. I tried forgetting this girl and move on with my wife but could not.
I feel terrible for being in this situation where I cant love and keep my wife happy, but keep thinking of this girl. I want to spend my life with this girl and its killing my conscience as I am already married. Plz advice.

After we got married, we had to stay away for sometime as I went abroad for my job. I was alone, low and depresssed emotionally and financially and expected my wife to be there for me. But, knowingly or unknowingly she did not care to support me through my hard times. She apologized to me after she joined me but by then the damage has been done. I could not believe that she would turn her back on me when I needed her the most. Part of her behavior was due to the family problems we have. But still I was there for her supporting from here and she could not do it for me then....All such things added up and we grew apart....Now I am unable to get back to her with all my heart though I dont wanna hurt her...But I feel helpless and terrible...Above all this, the girl I loved is going through hell unable to forget me...Just dont know what to do...Divorcing my wife is also not easy as we married againt the will of our parents...I curse myself for all this mess..UNABLE to go either way????

Answer 1

Sit your wife down and tell her what you have written here. You should be honest with her and yourself. I'm sure that she has some "fee;ings" that something isn't quite right with your relationship. Do this before the 2 of you decided to bring children into this mess.

Answer 2

As you have probably already found out there is before wedding and after wedding relationships and both are totally different. People somehow change after saying I do. They become different from the dating days. The point is what makes you so sure that it would work with this other girlif you left your wife. The grass on the other side is always greener til we get there, and the grass is brown. What happens when you leave your wife and move in with this other girl and the relationship ends up in the same boat as your marrige was. Remember its not having what you want but wanting what you have! If your wive hasnt given you any other excuse for you to turn to another girl other then you are unhappy, you better stay put and be thankful for what you have. Theres a reason for Gods unanswered prayers. But if youre truly unhappy then by all means if you want it ,take a risk, if you really want it bad enough, then you will be willing to risk it all and you will be. Think about it and Good luck.

Answer 3

I think you are a victim of wrong timing. It happens, and why should a person be stuck w/ another person just because they made a wrong decision? Hopefully there are no children involved, because if so....then you should put your children's lives ahead of your own. But if it is just you and your wife, you should be honest and tell her how you feel. Part ways, so you can both be free. But if I were you, I would not commit to this other person. What happens if you meet the "right person" AGAIN at the wrong time????? Sounds like you also have a roving eye, and a problem w/ thinking the grass is greener on the other side. Nothing wrong w/ those traits, but play the field and don't "commit" to people when you are REALLY unable to commit. You should realize that your ways can hurt other people very much.

Answer 4

Depends on what your moral convictions are. I'm totally against divorce (except in cases of infidelity or abuse). It's easy to get married and then think the grass is greener on the other side. Sounds like you have invested your heart in this other woman, instead of investing in your wife.

You only have two choices, because you would be a real jerk if you cheat on your wife while stringing this other woman along (I'm assuming you haven't already cheated.)

Why can't you love your wife? Love is not a feeling, it's what we do for another person. You should not have turned to this other woman for emotional support, that's your wife's job! So unless you want to be a totally heartless jerk, you either need to tell your wife and divorce her and set her free to be with someone who will actually love her and treat her with dignity and respect, or you need to cut off ALL ties with this other woman, tell your wife the mistake you made, and try to love her the way she deserves. And, she may want to leave you anyway if she knows you're "in love" with someone else.

You made a vow to your wife, and if that is important to you morally or spiritually, go ahead and make it work. If not, well . . . good luck.

Answer 5

Outside of the fact that you are a "SLIMEBALL".... You need to talk to your wife, and take her feelings into consideration for once, after all, its not all about you.... and tell her whats going on, she has a right to know & be treated respectfully and Loved sincerely like the next person.

Because once she finds out what a deceitful snake you are, she will eventually move on and find someone to love her the way she deserves to be...

Answer 6

As a wife I would say tell your wife. It's a much more horrible feeling when you feel as if you were the last to know. Betrayal hurts much more than the truth. I'm not saying she won't be hurt but you may be able to salvage some of your friendship after a while if you are honest.

Answer 7

You will never know if this "other woman" is good relationship material while you are married. Part of your appeal to her may be that you ARE married. Once you became single things may change considerably.

You can choose. Honor your commitments, or stretch by leaving your wife with some honor and dignity and THEN explore relationship with this other woman.

Answer 8

well you need to let your wife know how you feel , she maybe undestand your situacion and let you go , be kind to her while telling her what 's happening , if there is one thing for sure is that i wont keep my husband with me if doesnot love me so she may think the same way talk to her !!!

Answer 9

sounds like you never loved her anyway, maybe you are not ready to marry any one and what if you divorice and the other one you dont want either, maybe you should divorice and take a good break from relationships altogether. you are sad man.

Answer 10

Make your decision with your heart and your head combined. Using just one will give you a bad outcome. I hope this helps you! And good luck! We all deserve to be happy.