Why do people assume if you are young and want a baby you are "insecure"?

Question

My wife and I have been together for 5 years.

We are planning on trying for our first baby in a year when my wife is 24.

My wife has wanted to start a family for the past year and next year we will be ready financially.

I am excited about having a baby with her and we are happy about our plans.

But my wife’s good friend has made some comments that have hurt my wife.

She said that my wife must be “insecure” with herself because she wants a family to complete her life.

If we never had children my wife would still be happy, but I know she would feel the happiest being a mother and a wife.

My wife isn’t a teen wanting someone to love her back and she has a life with hobbies.

What is wrong with wanting a family?

I think a family will complete our lives and bring new meaning to our relationship.

Do you think its people who don’t want children who say these things?

Answer 1

Just ignore them - and let me be the first one to say, "CONGRATS!". I wish you all the best.

Answer 2

Twenty-four isn't all that young. You've been married for awhile. If your relationship is great, your finances are in order, and you are both emotionally prepared for all the changes/stresses a baby can put on a marriage, then go for it.

Nothing wrong with wanting a family. Have you done the things you've wanted...traveling, going out a lot, socializing...if you have, because all that will be tougher once a baby comes along...then no reason not to. Advantages to parenthood at that age: lots of energy, ability to relate well to a child. Disadvantages: possible impatience w/little things a baby can do (spitting up, messes that come out of diapers into cribs, etc.) and not quite enough life experience to really be tolerant.

You both sound ready.

Answer 3

This "friend" you're mentioning... Sounds like it's HER who has issues, and not you and your wife. C'mon, 24 is not THAT young - lets face it, biologically the reproductive decline starts after about 27 for women. Just because a lot of women nowadays choose to postpone having a family for career or personal reasons, doesn't mean everyone should. Talk to friends who are married with kids... I bet no one will repeat the nonsense you heard from that one "friend" of yours.

Your wife may still be insecure, but I don't think wanting a family is, in itself, a sign of it.

Answer 4

Most people who say such horrible and hurtful remarks only say such things because they are the insecure and emotionally unstable ones. People have to have something or someone to talk about or they get bored. My personal opinion is that if you and your wife are financially and emotionally stable for children then go ahead and start your family. Life is way too short to worry about what other people think or feel towards the things you do.

Answer 5

Famlies are great.

NICHD has been studying the separation of children from their mothers for decades. What they've learned is that if a child enters day care before age 3, and for most kids, before age 5, they are seriously damaged by this. First, the attachment between mom and child is damaged, the dad's approval of the child is damaged, the child's IQ is damaged, the child's social skills are damaged. The child is at great risk for depression and anxiety.

And, guess what - these results hold true even if daddy is the caregiver, if a full-time live-in nanny is provided, or if the day care is of the highest quality.

Why? Human infants evolved to need their mother's arms and mother's milk to grow optimally. Separating from mom floods a baby's brain with stress hormones, impairing the child's ability to learn and to regulate its emotions.

In addition, and perhaps most critically, the baby is currently forming his view of the world. Is the world reliable, a safe place, can i trust? Now picture him in day care, screaming for mommy (oh, they'll lie and say he doesn't) and she never comes. What does he learn about her and about life? What does he learn about his effectiveness to get his needs met? What does he learn about what you think of his needs? You would be a bad dad and she a bad mom if you use day care. You can't help it. Parents have to parent to be good. And you don't both need to work - that's a lie. Your baby needs it's mommy - that's the truth! best wishes.

Answer 6

It's your wife's friends that have the security issue. I'm 21 and I can't wait to start a family. You are exactly right, family does complete lives and bring about new meaning in your life, relationship and just plain outlook on life in general.

Answer 7

I could understand such a accusation if your wife was 16 or 17...but 24...that's not a bad age to start a family...I think her friends might have some insecurities of their own.

Answer 8

young women are wired to want babies young, this is when it is healthiest.......society along the way has decided women should wait and aquire all kinds of crap and a great big mortgage before having babies. I had all my kids by the time I was 27 and I regret it NOT ONE BIT..... I see women over 30 pushing strollers around and I feel sorry for them.

There is NOTHING WRONG with a 24 year old woman wanting a baby. THATS NORMAL...

Answer 9

I think the friend is jealous of what you and your wife have. A family makes it real complete. Ignore the friend. Tell your wife she is not insecure and that you love her very much. Good luck.

Answer 10

Your wife's friend has security issues. I could have guessed that the friend has no children even if you hadn't mentioned it. She doesn't want you to have children because then she and your wife's' relationship will change. She may not even realize that she feels that way.

Answer 11

wanting a family is not a bad thing... what you need to be sure to understand is that a baby changes everything....it's no longer about you or your wife, its about what the baby needs. You just have to be sure that you are ready to be willing to do what ever it takes to make sure that the baby gets everything that it needs...