How can you tell if your husband is really attracted to someone in his office (not necessarily cheating yet)?

Question

Guys and women who've had their suspicions confirmed -- my husband works in an office where his schedule is really uncertain; some days he has to work late, others he doesn't. We're both just out of school & have been at our jobs less than a year, so I can't gauge his current schedule w/any previous one.

He talks about his male & female coworkers a lot, good & bad comments. But whenever he talks about this one woman (who happens to be my mutual acquaintance), he has nothing but glowing compliments. "She's a genius at her job." "She's so funny." "She's such a great person." etc.

I haven't said anything to him; I don't bring her up in general. His behavior toward me is basically the same as before, but he doesn't call if he's going to miss dinner (he used to). When I call his cell to see about dinner, he usually doesn't answer & will call me back later saying he was in a mtg.

I don't think he's cheating (yet), but does it sound like he may be so attracted that I have to worry?

Thx for all your answers. I don't know her well at all - only through a mutual friend. Lolis, thx esp. to you for your comments - I'm sorry you had to deal w/this. I also don't usually get paranoid but there's something here that just doesn't seem right.

Any suggestions as to how I should initiate this conversation? I agree that finding someone attractive is common, but there is a line you can cross into going out of your way to become "friends" with that person...

Answer 1

Snickers,
You basically described my situation. My fiance did the same exact thing. He worked with a woman whom he talked about all the time, mentioned small details that made my eyebrow rise (car she drove, the fact that she had hello kitty checks... etc...)

I don't think he cheated on her but he was definately attracted to her. I always told him that it was OK if he found her attractive, afterall, there is nothing wrong with recognizing beauty. What ticked me off was the fact that he tried to play it off as nothing, when clearly, that was not the case. He unexpectedly, ended up changing jobs but found a way of doing special projects with her.

I confronted him one night when he turned off his cell phone when he was with her working one night. I was honest and told him that I knew he was attracted to her and his choices were hurting our relationship (he was denying he was talking to her on the phone for non-work related stuff). His defense was "she has a boyfriend". Later we found out she was cheating on her boyfriend.

We had a big huge fight about it, I even considered cancelling the wedding. To this day, I don't think he has been fully honest with me (frequency of conversations) but I have asked him not to speak to her anymore. I have not lost all my trust him but now he knows that there are consequences to his actions.

Again, if he would have only been honest since the beginning, there would not have been a need to ask him not to speak with her anymore.

We are still working through that argument (it was fairly recently). My best piece of advice for you is to follow your gut instinct and just ask him straight out. Admit it is fine for him to think she is attractive but he needs to monitor his feelings.

I am not a jealous person at all, but something told me that my fiance's old work friend was not that credible as I originally thought.

Remain calm and don't accuse him of anything either. Good Luck Snickers.

Answer 2

Yes, always be on the alert for such things. Prevention is better than cure. I strongly suggest you hire a PI to make very sure he is not at it already.

Answer 3

i would be worried. how well do you know this woman? it is suspicious that he doesnt answer his cell and then calls you back. i would do a little investigating if I were you. find out what he has really been up to.

Answer 4

yeah u should be worried!