Which one is better for my kids?

Question

I am unhappy in my marriage, although my husband is a nice guy, he always wants the best for me, and a veeeery good father. But unfortunately I realised during the years that he is not the man I thought he would be, he is not as smart and not as interesting, and he is reeeeeally bad in the bed.
Yes we could go to counseling, but I am afraid it won't help me to fall in love with him again as I did 8 years ago.
Should I stay in my marriage and be unhappy deep in my heart, or should I divorse and let 3 other people suffer because of my selfishness?

Answer 1

Remember the saying.... "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"? Well, it's true. The question now, is, are you really unhappy with him or unhappy with yourself? Did you turn out the way you thought you would? Is the sex bad simply because it's bad or because it's been 8 years? People change. Their priorities change. Maybe the issue isn't that he isn't what you thought he'd be, but you and your needs have changed.
If you stay in an unhappy marriage because you're afraid of hurting your kids and your husband, you're really hurting everybody. Soon the pain and resentment you feel towards him will show. Do you really want your kids looking at you one day and saying, "Mom, if you were so unhappy, why did you stay?"
The kids will be okay, as long as you two put them first. You have to show them that your happiness is just as important as theirs.
I'm not saying run out and get a divorce lawyer. Maybe try a separation. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all. Maybe try and have him woo you again. And, for all your hesitation, try counseling. Even if you don't' go together, at least go for yourself. You will feel so much better about you.
Whatever you decide, good luck!

Answer 2

There may be other reasons that you are unhappy and you are laying that baggage on the feet of your husband. A divorce lawyer once said that if people put half the effort into fixing their relationships as they put into a divorce, that he would not have a job. People sometimes think that divorce is the magic cure all, that once they are divorced, they will have more money, have better sex, be so independent and happy - free of their spouse forever. In most cases, that is not so. The grass is not always greener.
I think you owe it to yourself to see a therapist. Could you be having depression issues? That could effect sexual function and how you view sex with your husband.
Remember, the "high" that you felt when you fell "in love" with your husband eight years ago is only temporary. That always fades. The next guy --- assuming you find someone else --- will feel like the best thing ever, at first. The euphoria of a new relationship always dwindles. If you are lucky, you are left with a stable, loving guy who sees you for more than the fireworks you had wen he met you. If you are not lucky, when the sparks fade, he may find someone else.
Think long and hard before you throw so much away.

Answer 3

Which would make them suffer more, divorcing now, or raise them in a house under the guidance of parents that do not love one another. I think the latter of the two would teach them to do the same. My parents stayed together until my little brother was 18. But for the final 5 yrs of their marriage, they slept on different beds and obviously did not get along. That is not a good life lesson for kids. A good life lesson would be to show them that marriage is not something you do because you think you love someone, you have got to know without a shadow of a doubt that who ever they select is the right person. You are only human and they should understand that you made a mistake in your choice of a partner.

Answer 4

This comes down to priorities. There is no perfect solution to either decision, therefore you really should consider another alternative, and exaust all means before you go to the final divorce. It almost sounds like you are asking for "permission" to divorce this guy. In my opinion, you should try to rekindle this marraige. You see that he is a really nice guy, and he has a few things that could be characterized as flaws. Think about what it could be, he could be an alcoholic or on drugs or beating you and the children up. I don't think it will be as easy as you think to find someone to love that will be as good as this guy is. You should attempt to rediscover him, and see him in a new light. Do it for you, do it for him and esecially the kids. Really what I haven't seen addressed is what it is going to do to him. I mean divorce is really hard on guys, (not that it isn't on girls) and should be a way out at a last resort. So, go to counceling, do more things with him, try to see him in a new light, see the good things about him. Coach him in bed, let him know that he is terrible, and try your hardest to make it right. That takes all the "I don't know"s out of the mix and then you'll know what to do.

Answer 5

Why does he have to be more interesting? You could add all the interest to your life on your own. As for him being bad in bed, then teach him to do what you want. Just tell him you found some neat things in a magazine and you want to try them out, then coax him through whatever you want. You didn't really say that you don't love him at all, so I think you should try. I don't think him being smart or interesting is a deal breaker, because you can liven things up yourself. You should really try to liven things up and see where it goes from there. And remember, a person is only as bad in bed as their partner is. He just needs a helping hand in that department. Good luck!

Answer 6

That's really tough. I guess you could try to talk to him about your feelings in a way that he will not be offended. If you have loved the guy in the past, and he's a good father to your kids who are important to you, I guess he deserves another chance. He's a good guy, sex in a marriage is not everything. You might regret it in the future then you cannot turn back anymore. Try to fix it first then if you think it's worth it, then divorce would be the last resort.

Answer 7

Its always best for the kids if they have both a mother and a father living under the same roof...however, mom and dad have to be happy. What you should do is sit down and talk with him...and see what you can work out. If you both are unhappy after talking, then maybe you should consider separating...Its not selfish to want to be happy. But don't leave hub for another man who is 'good' in bed and who you think can make you happy...no one can make you happy....because that very person can make you sad. You've got kids to think about...and of course, yourself. So...sit and talk to your husband...and do whats best for the entire family. But, as I said, DON'T leave hub for another man...You've got to leave for YOURSELF...and thats when you'll find yourself happy.

Answer 8

You aren't being selfish!!! You fell out of love with your husband and this happens all the time. I agree counseling will not help..For your own sanity go ahead and get the divorce ...DO NOT Stay in the marriage because of the kids......believe me I know...been there done that. It only makes everyone miserable.......Get out and have your self some fun...

Answer 9

Ask your self are these reasons to divorce someone are you the woman he thought that you would be marriage is not a thing to be taken lightly you stood before God and said your vows and you said that you would be there for better or worse in sickness and health and to death do us part is it really your husband that you are unhappy with or is it you.

Answer 10

Well first you need to tell him, talk with him let him know how your feel.
Ask him how he feels about you.
Remember what it was like when you met him.
Have you two went out or on vacation ALONE.
Have you been having your date nights?
Is it deep in your heart or in your mind?
These are things and counseling you can do.
Who knows try these then decide.
A family need to stay together.
God put you there for a reason.
Good Luck