my husband doesn't like sex.?

Question

Same problem:
I really like sex. But the thing is my husband doesn't lust for it. I'm always the one who jump on him, start kissing him all over until we could "do it". He's only lie there and enjoy my kisses.
He never cuddle me, touching me, feeling me...i like those a lot. I tried to tell him in many ways...but it doesn;t change.
I want to see him wanting me. I want to see him jump on me and sex me like crazy, but it never be that way.
He only want to "do it". After that, he wipe it out, and sleep...or play his computer.
I talked to him about this so many times...he just said 'im a lil tired now...' and it's been 1 year since then.
I asked him to come to a doctor...i think he doesn't want to face it..he refused.
He has high cholesterol too..but i don't think it's a problem.
and now..I'm still the one who do every work...play with him...dance sexily around him...flirt with him...but he still just hold me and kiss me on my cheek. Everything else between us is great.

Thanks for all of your answers. I dont think he is cheating because he loves me soo much, he's so sweet, about this, im so sure he is not cheating. He's the one who wants to watch porn with me, so he's not gay. He only browses for computer or camera or flash light...and of course porn sometimes..So i dont think he is gay. We've been married for almost 3 years and still dont want kids (later then). I dont know, i start to think maybe because of his health. Im only 23 and he 's only 32. Iim not fat either. Im 5' and 94 lbs.
I still love him and he loves me very much. Everything else between us is great. It's just sex is poor for me.
Before, if i hadn't done anything, i wouldnt have had anything, or maybe 1 a month. So i have to start bring it on, right?

damn it

Answer 1

Ok honey...I know how you feel. My b/f has a groin hernia. Before he got that sex was awesome EVERY time. Now, its MAYBE once a week. And Im usually the one to initiate it. Just because he doesnt want it as much doesnt mean he's not interested or that he's cheating. Remember, not everyone has the same libido. Im a VERY sexual woman. Now. When I was married to my ex husband I wasnt. id go months without it. But here's my advice to you...get a toy. I work at a porn shop and I'll tell you what...nothing turns my man on more than seein me pull out a toy. He wants to watch, I tell him no, so he lays there and listens for awhile then joins in. Toys can be very fun. And are a nice replacement when the real thing isnt available. Plus...they ALWAYS finish the job.
My b/f isnt cheating on me, its just a medical issue. So may be the issue with yours. Or...maybe his sex drive isnt as high as yours. That's the case most of the time. Try spicin things up a lil bit, and buy a toy. For his benefit and yours. Its worth it. Find out what his fantasies are and work to make them a reality. Good luck to you Sweetie...

Answer 2

Honey it sounds to like something has definitely changed How was your sex life before? Do you have kids? Has there been change in appearance? The reason I ask these questions is because a man that is not interested in a women that is so into him and Love's to touch and kiss on him! Sounds like it could be several things going on. You say he stays at the computer - do you see what he is looking at he could be checking chicks on the net and taking care of his own pleasures or he's got someone else on the side alot of men same as women get bored after a while and need something to spice up the bedroom or were ever or whenever the feeling comes. Get some toys girl, oils, fruits what ever Girl try something knew - if that doesn't work there is someone else doing it for him

Answer 3

You didn't say how long you have been married, whether he's been this way from the beginning. The most obvious answer is that he's gay and doesn't want to admit it, even to himself. The next possibility is that your constant demand to be satisfied is turning him off. After that, maybe his drive for sex is just naturally lower than yours. This may or may not be treatable. Perhaps there is an actual physical explanation for his disinterest. You should talk to your doctor first to find out what it could be and then, if it appears that it may be physical, encourage your husband to have himself checked out. This would be the last thing to try, 'cause just the request could make things worse between you. And yes, cut the guy some slack and give him a chance to pursue you.

Answer 4

How long have you been married? Sometimes, "things" just get old for a man. Remember we're hardwired by nature to propagate the species with as many fertile females as possible and monogamy is a man-made concept.

You should probably stop bugging him on the topic for a while, that will only make matters worse. Then, when the time feels right, you might consider "spicing things up" a bit.

Assuming he was, at some time in your relationship's past, a good (or at least not totally selfish) lover, there are some fun things you can try to break the sensual logjam.

Get a couple "soft" porno movies (you can buy them on the web) and watch them. Don't even invite him to watch with you. But once he sees what's on the screen, I'll bet he sits down with you. If that has at least some positive effect on his libido, go shopping together at an "Adult" Boutique. Decide together what "toys" you'd like to try. Buy a few.

Often it's the little extras that keep a sexual relationship cooking. I'm you're too shy to go into an actual store (or he is), shoot me a note and I'll hook you up with some links to the better on line suppliers (high-end, not sleazy).

Apart from that, many Rx drugs can effect a man's sex drive; from damping down desire to outright erectile dysfunction. Have a good look at the PI (prescribing information) paper that comes with any pills he taking.

This is a common problem among MOST long-time couples. So don't feel like you're alone.

Furry handcuffs and strawberry flavored massage oil are out there for a reason...and it ain't people on their first date who are buying them.

;-)

Answer 5

Well, I know we are all guessing here. In my opinion, it sounds like he is seeing someone else on a sexual basis for now. Someone he might like a lot , but know that he can not just get up and leave his wife. He won't have sex with you because he is enjoying it with someone else and feels guilty when he is with you. He does it after you get him started, but that is because he knows if he don't do it at all, you will start having arguments. He seem to be showing some sort of affection with the kissing because he knows if he gives up on the sex and kissing and whatever it is that you enjoy, you will be extremely curious and you might start investingating the situation, so he has to keep you thinking that everything is ok. In this case, he will continue until somewhere down the line, he get caught. If you can not sort this out, you will have some serious problems later because it will get worse. Be careful that his love for you is not starting to fade. Everything else might seems good because you are there taking care of him and he is not sure the other person will do the same. I know I would not sit around too long with him acting like that and yet don't want to take the time to talk to me about it. There are two of you involved in that relationship. It is not all about him. Even if it was a health issue, he still owes you an explanation as his wife because he is neglecting your needs. I am sure if the shoe was on the other foot, he would have a serious problem with it. I sure wish you all the best. Good luck.

Answer 6

I find your husband a little different from the rest of the men. Actually, men are supposed to be the first ones to jump for the sex and they are always on the go anytime. However, in your case, your husband is in a receiver state for sometime which is very rare among men. I can see two reasons if I am not wrong, he may be loving you but his "body chemistry is not working with you" for some reasons or he has a "different sexual orientaton like Bisexual or Gay" which he is trying to supress but isn't helping him in your sexual relationship. What I know about Bisexual or gay people is they don't enjoy sex with women. I think you both need to see a sexologist about this issue before it draws a line between you two.Good Luck!

Answer 7

So... He doesn't like sex. You knew it when you married him, what did you think then? Whatever you thought then, try to think the same now. It was worth for you to marry him even though he wasn't perfect - is it worth to continue accepting him as he is? If he doesn't want to change, there's nothing you can do to change him. Sounds like you could accept it - or find a better match.

Answer 8

I feel for you. I'm in the exact same relationship as you. I quit
trying. I treat him like a neighbor.
I want out. I've been this hell since 1987.
Good Luck!
Don't wait for him to change as long as I have. I could just kick
myself for being so stupid. Wishing Does Not Make It So.

Answer 9

Unfortunately it's the way humans are designed. A man's sex drive gradually decreases, and a women's increases with age. Just let him know you need affection, and sex. Let him know your unhappy when you don't get it enough. He's just gonna have to force himself to do it, because it's what keeps a marriage balanced, and healthy.

Answer 10

You've just got a back to front relationship thats all, it's usually the guy that wants it all the time and the woman who has the headache.

Seriously though, if it's on tap 24/7 he won't want it half as much.