I have been married for 2 1/2 years but we have been together a total of 5 years, I am now going to have a baby and I just found out my husband has been talking with other women and he has admitted to me it being true and now he is saying he is with me just until the baby is born because he doesn't feel for me anymore which means he doesn't love me anymore, I told him he doesn't have to stick around because of the baby and that I will still let him be a part of the baby's life and that if he is not happy with me he should just leave and he says he can't leave because of the baby, he is 9 years younger than me and this is my and his 1st baby, we are still sexually active and he still is very sexual with me what is going on?
2006-08-02 08:51:08 · 64 answers · asked by sweetrose 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
men are strange creatures!!! this is wrong what he is doing to you i think hes just telling the other girls this to get in their pants
2006-08-02 08:54:00 · answer #1 · answered by Victoria 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, I will first start off by saying when your pregnant your hormones are running crazy and its scary to think of being alone at this point, but him saying that he wants to be with you because of the baby is your first sign that things aren't good (obviously). I realize that could be hard to hear but a marriage should NOT be based on the fact that the 2 of you are having a baby, thats not fair to you or your baby to be. If he is already talking to other women that would be my first clue that his heart more than likely isn't with you and that his heart and mind seem to already be moving on whether he is physically with someone else or not; he is mentally not with you or he wouldn't be doing what he is doing or saying what he is saying. Maybe he's scared, but that is still no excuse. If it were me I would take some time apart from him no matter what he wants and worry about my unborn child which should always come first. Its not good to stress when your pregnant, nor is it healthy. Let him do what he wants to do (as I know that is hard) and find a new focus point and be the more mature one because he obviously needs some space. I surely wouldn't be having sexual activities with him either that send everyone mixed signals. Maybe once you have given him time and he see's that your not worry about him, he might come around and see what he is missing out on if you still want him at that point. Then again he might not until its to late. I think that saying he is staying with you for the baby is a pretty crapy reason, but it seems like in a way you have the right attitude about him still being in the childs life if you choose not to continue in this marriage. I don't have all the answers, but I know that when you have a baby with someone and your married to them and love them its hard to hear them say that. As you want to share this speacial moment with them and to have it end up like this, I feel for you. I hope all works out and stay strong.
2006-08-02 09:25:47 · answer #2 · answered by Susie Q 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your first concern should be, is he sleeping with other women? If he is, and he's not using protection (which I'm assuming the two of you aren't either), then he could pass on an STD to you, which could ultimately harm your unborn child. Second, if he has told you that he doesn't want to be with you, why would you allow him to still sleep with you? If what he said is true, then all he's doing is using you for sex. He's not doing you or your child any favors. If he can't leave now, what makes him think that he'll be able to leave once the baby is born? It will be that much harder! If you think that your marriage can be saved, then I would talk to a marriage counselor...BOTH of you! If not, and it sounds like he would't be very willing to anyways...tell him to leave and start the divorce process. I know it's easier said than done, but you don't want to be with someone who obviously doesn't want to be with you. Your child doesn't need the stress either. I hope things work out for you and your baby and GOOD LUCK!
2006-08-02 09:01:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first I'd recommend counseling, and learning how to communicate.
Communication is not simply and exchange of words, but rather there are techniques which will aid the 2 of you in dealing with each other, and the rest of the world for that matter.
To be honest, it sounds to me like your relationship has been mostly a physical one. If you want to discover if your marriage really has a chance at longevity, you may want to guage the other aspects that make up a marriage.
Common interests
Spiritual interests
Emotional compatibility
Are you friends?
What do you see in each other besides the physical?
Personality compatibility -(See Myers-Briggs tests)
Willingness to compromise (each of you).
Do you enjoy similar activities, (besides sex)?
Do you enjoy each others company, (outside of sex)?
Do you agree on anything, (other than the desire to have sex)?
There's an old saying, "Marry someone who you can be friends with. After you reach a certain age, and the sex stops, all you will have left is talking to each other."
(Or something to that affect).
Ever wonder why so many "pretty people" in Hollywood can't seem to find a relationship that lasts longer than most peoples favorite shoes? A physically based relationship is not very concrete. It's superficial and will eventually self destruct.
So, this leaves you with only one option.
Be brutually honest with yourself. What kind of relationship do you have? Can you see you and him at age 60 as friends, carrying on a friendly conversation?
If so, great!
Counseling and Communication.
He may simply be experiencing man issues related to your pregnancy.
2006-08-02 09:11:17 · answer #4 · answered by Gonzo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow - what a horrible situation for you. I think counseling is a MUST at this point. I completely agree with you and applaud you for your feeling that he does not need to stay and can still be an active father. Trust will be a very big issue for you, so I suggest seeking professional help. You and your baby are #1 right now, so take care of you and that baby....your baby will bring you more joy than you can ever imagine! Good luck and congrats on being a mommy - it is the world's most rewarding job!
2006-08-02 08:59:47 · answer #5 · answered by Tangled Web 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is conflicted about the pregnancy. Men act pretty strange when it comes to having a baby. You didn't say how old he is, I am guessing early twenties, and some men just haven't matured at this point.
You need to tell him to take a hike and figure out his own life while you concentrate on your unborn baby and your own future.
Your focus should be internal at this point, writing out a pro and con list concerning your relationship with this man and really thinking about how you can improve yourself without him is best.
He has clearly stated that he no longer "feels for you" which is a chicken-shiat way of saying that he wants to have sex with other people. You really need to understand that he won't love you more when you have his baby, he won't fully love you the way he once did, and staying in a relationship based on having a child is not fair to the child. A baby/child can not fix any relationship, they should not be born with a job.
Move on with life, buy some pregnancy books, attend classes on pregnancy, and put your life focus there.
Good luck...
2006-08-02 09:00:39 · answer #6 · answered by YJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have the right idea. You don't need this. He is very immature; and he has not made a commitment to you. He is maintaining his relationship with you while exploring other options. You will be very busy when the baby comes into your life...and this is where your focus should be. It must be a very hurtful thing, but I like where your head is at...and why prolong the agony? If at all possible, kick him out. This will pave the way for something better for you. I'm glad you still acknowledge his parental rights. Let's hope he honors them. Of course, you can opt to keep him around to help you with the baby...but save your heart for someone who will be there for you in all the right ways.
2006-08-02 09:00:32 · answer #7 · answered by riverhawthorne 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he interested in trying to save this marriage at all? If he does even a little bit you both need to see a counselor right away. Your marriage can definately be saved but only if you both want it too. One person cant do all the "trying" and the other just not care. It takes both to make the effort of this working.
I would say if he insist that he is only staying cause of the baby,and not willing to seek help, tell him to just leave now. No reason to stay and him continue with "other' women as he pleases. Boot him. Dont give him the choice, just pack his bags while he is out then when he gets home tell him to get out. Sorry about all of this, but he is just using you, and I hate to see that happen.
2006-08-02 09:00:26 · answer #8 · answered by yournotalone 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh! oh!. You told him the wrong words. You told him he doesn't have to stick around because of the baby I'm sure he feels insulted and angry. Why did you say that? Now irrational thoughts are racing through his mind, especially the one about if it is truly his baby. The fact you stated he's fooling around with other women, you better get good proof of that and not just hearing it through the grape vine, because women are jealous of each other and someone could be lying to you. If he is in fact fooling around, he's unhappy about something in the relationship. Find out what it is and try to solve it and make him happy. Unless you want to get rid of him, and by saying he could leave that's a good start to dump him.
2006-08-02 09:00:42 · answer #9 · answered by mac 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it, too.
If he doesn't feel for you and doesn't love you, then he shouldn't be having sex with you.
You have to decide if you want to stay married to him and he has to decide whether he can remain faithful. If he can't, then something else has to be done.
Perhaps you need marriage counseling.
It's only going to get harder once the baby comes; your attention will go to the baby and he'll really be neglected. Babies are the most wonderful thing in the world, but quite often the end of a marriage because things change so radically and one or both partners isn't ready for it, or can't handle it.
Stop sleeping with him until you figure out what you want - and he figures out what he wants.
2006-08-02 08:58:07 · answer #10 · answered by pynkbyrd 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO, your marriage cannot be saved. He says he doesn't love you anymore! HELLO!? Why would you want to be with someone who is "talking" to other girls, says he doesn't love you, but still wants to screw you for his own pleasure??
DON'T use the baby as an excuse! I hate it when stupid, chicks do that. If you want what's right for you and your baby... LEAVE HIM! If he is that much younger than you, YOU need to grow up and be the responsible one! Obviously you two have got some problems.
I can't believe you are still having sexual relations with him. Do you WANT to get an STD?? Come on now! Be smart! You need to learn to love yourself, and respect yourself. Then and only then will someone truly love you back.
2006-08-02 08:58:02 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋