I have been married for seven yrs, one child. I cheated on my husband 4 1/2 yrs ago while we were seperated. He forgave me and we stayed together all this time, but now lately (for about a year) we haven't been able to get along, mainly because he still doesn't trust me. I love him and I want to be with him, but now he's telling that we should seperate. I have to give him reason, but I don't know if I should stay and put up with him being the way that he is with me (mean, not affectionate) or leave and give him some space. Not sure?
2006-08-02 08:50:12 · 13 answers · asked by Mrs. G 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Believe it or not I did not sleep with the other person. And he does not want to go to a counselor. I honestly don't think that he's found another person.
2006-08-02 09:03:20 · update #1
It sounds as if he has made up his mind about the separation. In his mind he has already separated from you, so the physical part should be easy for him.
It may go all the way back to where you cheated. Maybe he has dealt with this as long as he can. It may have been just under the surface this whole time and he was trying to get over it but couldn't.
Definitely separate and give him the space he wants. Don't be surprised if he hooks up with someone quickly. He may have been shopping around for a while since you already had your turn.
Don't be surprised if this ends in divorce. When a man makes up his mind to separate he usually intends to follow it with a divorce.
2006-08-02 09:03:13 · answer #1 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is using your 'cheating' 4 1/2 years ago as an excuse to separate....in other words, he's blaming you. If he forgave you years earlier, then he should get over it. AND you were separated at the time...so its not exactly cheating in the truest sense. My opinion is that he wants a separation and is too much of a coward to accept the responsibility...and he wants to blame you...this way its easier for him to 'cheat'. Let him go....don't give him space...give him a divorce or at the very least...separate. And 'if' you do, don't sit there and wait for him to come back...get on with your life and feel good about yourself...You were honest with him 4 1/2 years ago...hes not being honest with you now.
2006-08-02 09:04:00 · answer #2 · answered by irishME 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are unhappy, and he does not want to work together to resolve your issues as a family with a counselor, then I think the best thing is to seperate. You can only give soo much to a relationship, but when the other person is not cooperating, then you really can't do anything else. Only until your spouse accepts that you need therapy, then you can find answers. Hope this helped.
2006-08-02 09:07:08 · answer #3 · answered by angelica76tx 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When couples separate, that often means a permanent split is close...so having sex with someone while you are separated, while not kewl, isn't nearly the issue it would be if you'd done it while y'all were together...
If he doesn't trust you over 4 years later, it's unlikely you're ever going to be able to regain his trust...he's had plenty of time to relearn that and you've had plenty of time to show him you're trustworthy...plus, you say he's mean and withholding affection...sounds like he may have found someone else himself...
You've separated once and apparently that didn't fix whatever wasn't working...don't separate again...either decide to work on the marriage together (with a counselor if necessary) or throw in the towel and go your separate ways...
2006-08-02 08:59:20 · answer #4 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Separated or not, you were still legally married. Cheating is still cheating. Your husband doesn't trust you for the exact reason you gave him.
Trust is not something to just be handed out, once it is broken, it needs to be repaired. Regaining someones trust takes a lot of time and hard work. If you want to be with him, talk to him about it and work for it. He might be trying to see if you are willing to put in the extra effort to earn his trust back.
Put yourself in his shoes, would you be trusting him fully by now?
2006-08-02 09:11:50 · answer #5 · answered by Highroller 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should give him some space. But first, ask him if he still loves you. If he does then the time you give him will allow him to really forgive and forget. Just remember that without trust a relationship will never work out.
2006-08-02 08:57:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
to my way of thinking .your husband never forgot you cheating on him.no matter how long ago this happend you broke his trust in you.from what you say your relationship is more or less finnished.ok move on if for nothing els your childs sake theres no
point in making three lives awful.hard to start i know(i've been there) he wants you to go. go. and start afresh you will be better for it start to make a new life for your self and your child you owe your child this at least. i wish you the best of luck .you can make the break
2006-08-02 09:23:51 · answer #7 · answered by JOHN W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be open and ask him if he still loves you and how does he feel about your relationship? Don't waste your time if he really thinks that he wants to separate. i don't believe in counseling I think you're both adults and just deal with it yourselves. If you're not happy anymore with him, just get divorced and find your happiness. Life is too short to waste on a miserable person. Kids nowadays adjusts well to changes.
2006-08-02 09:06:50 · answer #8 · answered by yodge_123 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he still doesn't trust then your marriage is over. Trust is a BIG part of marrige or any other relationship. Maybe a counselor can help. Wouldn't hurt.
2006-08-02 08:56:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you two were separated when you met someone else, he should not be upset. However, if he is unhappy, your relationship is not going to work any way.
2006-08-02 08:57:38 · answer #10 · answered by RainCloud 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋