I had an affair, but still love my husband.?

Question

I recently within the past few years lost a bunch of weight. My self esteem shot through the roof. I love my husband unconditionally and he loves me. We do have a wonderful life together. I wasn't thinking right. I was going through a real hard time and ended up in an ex's bed. This was a regular thing for about 5 months until I realized what I was doing. I have not told him and I am so scared to. I have not cheated since. Our 11th anniversary is coming up. I want us to renew our vowels and move on. If he finds out, I know he will file for divorce. Any advice.

I do care very much how badly I would hurt my husband. When I look into his eyes and realize all that we have together and how we have this beautiful life together, I just want to cry.I agree I was selfish. My being scared is for both of our sakes and not just mine.
Thanks for your input!!

Answer 1

You say you love your husband? Hmm... yet as your self esteem rises you feed it with another, not him. 5 months of an affair is not a moment of weakness, or not thinking clearly. You had plenty of time to consider what you were doing. The truth is, you loved the feeling you got from being attractive to another man more than you love your husband. Once you'd gotten as big a boost as you could from the ex, he wasn't worth pursuing anymore. Added sex with him didn't add any more self esteem, so you quit.
Even now you're not talking about how hurt your husband would be; only the consequences you would face if he found out. Of course you want to renew your vows and "move on". You want to pretend you're starting fresh, to eliminate your guilt. And you want to move on to avoid any consequences of your actions. Your fear isn't for your husband, or for his sense of loss and betrayal. Or the fact that he could lose a wife. Your fear is for yourself. Period.
My advice? Your husband deserves a better wife than that. So... be one. Face the reality of what you've done, and why. Admit to yourself your selfishness, and change. The only reason you would tell him would be to either ease your own guilt or to deliberately hurt him. So, telling him would be another act of utter selfishness. Use this "renewal of vows" to symbolize a true change in your heart. Actually mean it.
And spend a h*** of a lot of time making up for this, without telling him why.

Answer 2

Come on. I can understand an impulsive mistake but , "a regular thing for about 5 months", no rational person will believe one takes 5 months to realize they are screwing around on their mate. But, since you lost weight, you certainly aren't to be expected to stay faithful, heck, you just celebrated by having an affair. Now, that, I'll admit is quite a demonstration of unconditional love, and a real celebration of your wonderful life together. Now, you want this poor sap to renew his vows, I suppose as a public reafirmation of his love. Sweet. Naw, there's no reason to tell hubby, heck, why bother him about the distant past. It must have been over months ago. Lady, you've broken your marriage, and it may be broken beyond repair. Unless you tell him, your marriage will be a shell, a legal fiction. Marriage must rest on trust. Lacking trust, it's less than nothing. So, he does trust you. To be trusted, is an obligation to be trustworthy. You clearly aren't. You plan to keep this 5 month affair your little secret. Sorry, but it aint right. You either confess, or live in fear for the rest of your life, that it will come out. And it will. Perhaps your marriage can survive the truth, but I doubt it can survive, based on deception; even if he never finds out you cheated. You brought this problem into the marriage, now it's up to you to deal with the consequesnces. You confess, or live a lie. I reccomend that you forget about renewing vows if you keep this affair secret. If he finds out somehow after the renewed vows, he will feel that you played him for a fool. That WOULD kill the marriage for certain. Please be honest, it's your only long term hope.

Answer 3

I am going through the same thing right now. I have cheated and now she has. But I caught her. We are currently going to counselling and I would suggest you do the same. Its really the only way to get things out in the open and discuss them. I love my wife with all my heart and hurt on a daily basis for what i did to drive her away. Now she is facing the same guilt and doubt. Better to get it out in the open and let the chips fall where they may.

Answer 4

Stop dwelling on it and let it go!!! He doesn't know and never has to know! Why the hell did you go back to an ex??? Why not find some hot stud and bang his brains out? Why bother with an ex that probably tossed you aside because you were fat!
Damn girl think next time...if you're gonna screw around do it with a stranger and not an ex...to much past history!

Answer 5

Find him a hot girl that will sleep with him for 5 months because if he loves you it will be too hard for him to do this on his own. While this happens you have to stay faithful to him and know that this is going on. If you both want to be together after that then it should be fair and maybe work out. That's my honest opinion.

Answer 6

You so do not love your husband. A quick shag and now youre feeling guilt in case you get caught and branded a cheater. Your husband was ultra trusting of you and will feel devasted if he ever finds out. I hope your husband finds out and totally kicks your cheating *** out on the street.

Answer 7

I would never tell him - it would hurt him and destroy your relationship forever, or at least damage it to the point that it would take years to get over it, if ever. What he does not know will never hurt him - you will have to deal with the guilt, but if you never fool around again and make a commitment to renew your vows, hopefully it will fade from your memory and make your relationship stronger - Good luck.

Answer 8

How can you say you love him? How would you feel if he did this to you? You definitely need to tell him if you want this to be resolved. Whether or not you can get through this is up to him. You have betrayed his trust and will lose his respect. What happens next time your going through a hard time? I could never forgive someone who would do this to me. Then again, I would never do this to anyone.

Answer 9

Antirion is right on, he left one thing out though, you are a first class bit&h! I think your husband deserves much better than you. You did not loose just weight, you lost you self respect too.

Answer 10

Don't tell him and live with the guilt until your dying day. If you truly love him and truly intend to build this relationship and remain faithful then it is selfish to inflict the pain and hurt onto him. Trust me, I wish I never knew.