Should a Cheater be forgiven?

Question

I found my ex fiance cheating on me! We had been dating for 3 years, we got engaged and moved in about six month ago. Within the fifth month, the day after his birthday he went out with his brothers and friend to celebrate his birthday with the guy. Well that night a girl came up to him and gave him her number. Within a week he call her back they started dating. Within that month he slept with her 3 time with unprotected sex. I figure out there was something going because he only has one best guy friend and his younger bro which he chills with, which I very close too. The night I found out he had another girl he came home at 7am, He never did that! He was knock out by 8am I quickly look for his phone found the girls name and text mess. I quick confront him and left. I so hurt right now he want me back, I want he back! BUT WHAT HE DID IS THE TOTAL BETRAYL. Now the girl is calling me to tell me she pregnant, but that not my problem.

Answer 1

"Now the girl is calling me to tell me she pregnant, but that's not my problem"?...That is going to be your problem is you stick with him. Do really believe his excess baggage won't affect you at all?

You should forgive him if he asks for your forgiveness. But forgiveness doesn't mean you have to take him back. You are better off alone than be with someone who can't keep it in his pants.

Answer 2

Wow - what a mess. Why is the girl calling YOU to tell you she's pregnant??? Why isn't she calling HIM? You may think you love this guy but I smell trouble. I don't know .... I know cheaters can be forgiven. The problem then becomes, however, can you forget? If you can't forget, whether you say the words "I forgive you" or not --- it's going to eat at you. What if she IS pregnant now? It's also his child -- how are you going to feel helping take care of this child he made with another woman? Oh....and child support payments are going to be high. If you think you can handle that, go for it. I think the other woman is going to be a big problem though. Maybe I'm wrong. Something doesn't feel right.

Answer 3

No one can tell you 'WHEN" you are through, but you. Think about all of the reasons you love this man. Make a list and see if he's still doing them or not. Decided if you are in love with HIM or what he use to be. How's your relationship with him? Most men drift away emotionally first. Did you notice a change in him? Don't hold on to someone who doesn't love and respect you. You deserve better treatment. Don't settle for a piece of man, that's why so many of us only get a piece. Too many are willing to settle for less for the sake of "saying" we have someone. It takes time to find the real thing, but it's worth the Waite. Set reasonable standards and stick to them. There ARE good men out there, looking for good women. I'm all for reconciliation, but make he's a changed man and not just one who's sorry. There's a difference.

Answer 4

Whether you're Christian or not, every offense can and must be forgiven. Now, to forgive does not mean to condone, agree with or spouse an act that we find is wrong or detestable. To forgive means to deal with the wrong that we have received and move on. The offended needs the power of forgiveness more than anybody else, or he/she will have to live with anger and other powerful ill feelings for the rest of his/her life.

Now, to forgive does not mean to be stupid. Did you learn all of these facts from him directly? I mean, that a woman came on to him & gave him her phone number, that they dated and slept together having unprotected sex?

When a man or a woman cheats, it's more a symptom of something else going on, a problem that the couple shares but is reluctant to talk about or deal with. First, you two need to get talking and find that problem, face it and then think about forgiveness and taking each other back.

I disagree with those who say "once a cheater, always a cheater". Let who he is without sin cast the first stone, I'd say. Most of us --men and women-- cheat in ways big and small. Cheating on your partner or spouse is just a way of lying to avoid facing an uncomfortable, deep problem in the couple. Some of us have inadvertently contributed to our spouse cheating on us.

Invite him to go to marriage counseling or couples therapy; find the underlying reason for the cheating and be ready to get feelings hurt and sensibilities laid bare. True love is not about not hurting someone's feelings but to accept someone to the point of telling him/her all you feel.

Answer 5

You walked out, why are you still looking back. Can you deal with all that he's done to you if you decide to go back? Can you forgive and forget? Can you deal with the fact that she's pregnant (considering its true)? I always tell myself begin as you mean to go on. Start by not looking back. Honestly, he's not worth it. You guys were engaged for pete sake, if he's not sure or committed by then when will he be. Look, I can't tell you what to do, you need to figure that out by yourself. But know this, no matter how much you might love and want to be with someone, if they betray once they can do it again.

Answer 6

well u gotta come to terms with a few things n that is, do u love him, yes. do u trust him, no, will he do it again, prolly, what if she is pregnant, well ur gonna have drama all the time n he may leave u for her. so this is what u have to deal with, my man cheated 8 yrs ago, with some trashy girl who slept with the entire cook staff. then begged me not to leave his sorry behind, i let him stay although i did sleep with his best friend n continued to do so for about a yr later.. and another guy too. we been married 13 yrs now (remind this was 8yrs ago) n i have neva forgave him or forgotten it n will neva trust him, sometimes i wonder why i stayed with him. do i think he'll cheat on me again, u bet it do. will i stay if he does, hell no. so u just got to figure out what u want to do. i have given u the best answer ull eva get, its a true answer opposed to all the otha ones ull see, email me if u want to vent or just chat with someone who has been there..oh forgot to mention mine cheated the day b4 my birthday which is valentines day. so ya i hate my birthday more than eva now. oh ya n dont get it twisted i did beat that buffy down n ruined 3 of her cars, n had someone run her off the road..i gotta get my anger out

Answer 7

Hmm... this sounds so Jerry Springer. Don't get involved in that mess. Don't take him back. He put your HEALTH at risk when he slept with her unprotected and than came back to you. You could've caught HIV, HPV, HSV1, HSV2, Syphillis, Clamydia, etc. AND now he is tied to that girl. She won't disappear especially now that she's knocked up. If she keeps the baby, he'll be paying out the a** to support them forever. If she doesn't, he'll still probably be somewhat involved for a little bit until she makes that decision. And its one story to get really drunk and sleep with someone once. Its another to consciously date someone and sleep with them SEVERAL times without telling you. Each time he saw you from their first date he was lying to your face. And you had to catch him, he didn't tell you out of his own guilt.
EVERYONE deserves better than this. It will be hard at first but believe me, it will feel so much better in a week or two after you break it off and move on to find someone who will treasure your relationship and never cheat and never put your life at risk.

Answer 8

Never forgive a cheater. It hurts at first, but if you try to work things out, you will find it happening again. That is the worst feeling you could ever make someone feel. I think people should come clean and break up before cheating, but people are selfish and only care about themselves.

Answer 9

Just be glad that you are not the one pregnant. He's a loser and he did this once, he'll do it again. I been through something similiar. I got cheated on, and he asked me back and i thought he was being honest. BUt he wasn't. He did it again and again. Not only that, if you take him back, you will always be wondering where he is, who he is w/. is not the same again. Plus the girl is pregnant, so he needs to respond to that baby and take full responsability. Leave him! Kick his behind to the curb. he's an A**. he will never change. trust me on this one. get out!

Answer 10

Absolutely not. A lot of things can be forgiven but cheating is not one of them. Even if you "forgive" him, you wouldn't be able to get it off your mind. What he did was really messed up. You would constantly be thinking he's doing it again. You'd spend more time worrying about the relationship than actually having one. Get rid of him. You deserve better.

Answer 11

Once shame on him
Twice shame on you!
I believe once a cheater is not always a cheater but giving these circumstances, get out and don't look back. Who cares if she is pregnant, what about STD's. Get tested for at least the next year. Chances are if he didn't use protection on her and she did not require him to, she probably never does to any guy. YUCK. But it does sound like he wanted to get caught.