I'm married, I'm 21 years old and my husband is 23 years, we have a halthy relationship, but I feel like something is missing. Every time we talk about having a baby we both get exited, but he tries to hide it and say that we should wait. We love each other deeply but don't have a lot of things in commun... do you think having a baby will bring us together?
2006-08-02 07:51:02 · 35 answers · asked by Marie 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Maybe, he feels he'll get overwhelmed by the responsibility. It takes a lot of maturity to be parents. I suggest you take time to be husband and wife before bringing in a baby to the picture. Having a baby puts a lot of strain in a relationship. It should be strong enough to handle that before you make any big decisions. For now, enjoy yourselves.
2006-08-02 07:57:21 · answer #1 · answered by avenus 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having a healthy relationship is not enough to bring the baby in. You also have to have a strong relation ship. I'm a new mom myself,
and let me tell you, having a baby changes everything, and your relationship with your husband too. The scary part, it can change your relationship with your husband either way. I had a friend that almost got a divorce because her husband was so jealous. Some husbands feel left out and not need it when the baby comes, because they have to share your attention with the baby. And guess who gets more of your attention? Not your husband! And that could be really hard on both of you. It will be hard for your hubby to understand why he can't have your attention every time he wants and that could put a pressure on your relationship. So before you start trying to have a baby, you too need to try and work on making your relationship stronger and star finding same interest in things. Even the most healthiest and strongest relationships suffer when the baby comes.
And one more thing, my dad, he had 8 kids, and he still says he is not ready to be a dad. When you to two do decide to have a baby, you will love it. I know I do and my husband does. And you and your hubby will do just fine. Good luck with everything.
2006-08-02 08:15:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you aren't sure, then you aren't ready.
If you have nothing in common now, a baby will NOT help.
It will put additional strains on your relationship. Always does, even when people are ready and have lots in common.
Not having lots in common is a real handicap, as no one can live on love. S*x 24/7 just isn't an option (though many wish it were!)
Love is a wonderful thing, but if that's all it took, no one would ever get divorced.
Most people still love each other deeply when they split, but they find that other things are so much more important than that, they split anyway.
Sorry for the bad news, but you are better off having the truth.
And how do I know? Been married three times.
2006-08-02 07:54:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having a baby won't bring you together if you haven't built a good foundation for your relationship. It might even push you further apart because a newborn requires a lot of attention, energy and focus, which only becomes greater as they get older. You should only have a child IF you want to have a child - there's really no other reason. I would advise coming to an agreement with your husband on when will be the right time for both of you to have a child. In the meantime, you need to work on making your relationship with him the best it can be, do that, and everything else will all work out.
2006-08-02 07:58:34 · answer #4 · answered by Mother Bear 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having children is a natural part of marriage because a baby is like a visible, tangible sign of the love you and your husband share. Love is fruitful and one of it's most beautiful fruits is a baby.
A lot of people worry about the baby until the baby actually comes and then they just become parents. It's that simple. What I'm saying is that there is no magic moment when you suddenly become ready to be parents. Sometimes it takes the thing actually happening to you to get you ready.
You could wait forever to have a baby using this reason or that, but really.....when two people are in a loving stable home and they have the means to support a little one, there is no reason they should not be willing to welcome a child.
Every new change is an adjustment but babies are really special and they say that couples who have children earlier in their marriage tend to bond more closely to each other. Plus, it's better physically for the mother when she is younger. Best of luck to you both.
2006-08-02 07:59:13 · answer #5 · answered by Veritas 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My fiance and I have been together for over 6 years. We are so in love and have nothing in common. We bought a house, 2 cars and we both have great jobs. I'm 23 and he's 24 and now we're ready to add to our family. I think that if you have all your priorities straight, then I don't see why not have a baby, but if he's not too sure, I would talk about it with him and wait until he's ready. At least your married, we still haven't done that and we're trying for a baby now and if I do get pregnant, we do plan on getting married.
So honestly it's up to you and your husband, who cares what other people say!!
2006-08-02 08:32:35 · answer #6 · answered by kittlesworth 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my. There is no 100% correct answer for this one.
People just have babies, and no matter when that is for you, it will be an inconvenience in your life.
I love my kids so much, and am so blessed with them, however, it is a serious hit on your life.
You'll find out everything about your self that is not great IE: impatience, anger, frustration, etc. and life gives you this as a way of asking you what you are going to do about to make this child you've been entrusted with have a shot a a good life.
I was 30 with my first, and 33 with my second. If I had to change one thing, it would be that I did it when I was 20. It is easyier in so many ways.
Good Luck whatever you decide
2006-08-02 07:58:02 · answer #7 · answered by Fitchurg Girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as you have a happy and fulfilled relationship, it's an ok time. But if you feel like something is missing, then your marriage is not fulfilled. A baby should ADD to the marriage, not fill in the gaps.
But once you are both ready, do it. Don't just keep putting it off because you need more money or you need a bigger house, or you want to finish decorating, etc. Because if you keep using excuses not to, you may be 40 by the time "the time is right."
2006-08-02 07:57:34 · answer #8 · answered by happymommy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The decision to have a child is one that should be made mutually. If your husband believes you should wait, then wait. Let God decide when you should have a child. I have seen a child have both positive and negative affects on a marriage. My youngest child was the blessing that saved my marriage 8 yrs ago, but my cousin ended up divorced when her baby was not even 2yrs old because her husband was jealous of the time she spent with the baby! (Yes, i know, thats ridiculous!)
Just keep the line of communication open with your husband. Enjoy the freedom you have now, because when you do have a child that freedom goes out the window. You're still young and have plenty of time!
2006-08-02 07:57:28 · answer #9 · answered by geniec67 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A baby should never be used to fill a gap or fix an imperfection in a relationship...if you don't have a lot in common, why did you marry? A baby will give you something in common for sure, but the crying all night and dirty diapers are probably not what you had in mind to bring y'all closer...
You've got PLENTY of childbearing years left...hold off a while longer to make sure the marrige is solid, that not having anything in common isn't going to become an issue...before you bring an additional party into the mix...
2006-08-02 07:56:27 · answer #10 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋