My husband of 2 1/2 months is a fabulous guy. Hard-working, sweet, romantic, and a great father to both his and my daughter. He also, at one time, had a drug problem, but has been clean for almost 10 years. A couple of weeks ago he didn't come home one night and I couldn't find him. He came home the next morning, honest about where he'd been and who he'd been with. Turns out an old (druggie) friend looked him up and they spent the night partying. No cheating involved. I am so hurt and disappointed. He swears it's the first time it's happened and won't ever happen again. I threatened the guy he was with with the police, so hopefully we won't ever hear from him again-but, I'm nervous whenever I can't reach him, or if he's late from work. How do I get past this?
2006-08-02 07:44:23 · 10 answers · asked by But Inside I'm Screaming 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's natural that you would be disappointed, and even worried given his past history. This is a true fact for many, and we're never so close to sliding back into bad behavior as when we think we've got it licked. But you should be encouraged that even under those dubious circumstances he came to you with honesty. That's a huge point in his favor. You'll get past it with the passage of time ( sadly, there are no shortcuts), but it will be far faster than it would have been had he lied. All in all, this seems to be a totally containable problem. All he needs to do is restore your confidence in him, not re-establish trust ( which is infinitely harder to do). Good luck to you both.
2006-08-02 07:56:29 · answer #1 · answered by Captain S 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
At this point its not about the cheating or lack of it. The staying out all night shows a serious lack of consideration. So he wasn't bonking some chick, he was hanging out with some seriously undesirable people. I think his second chance is in order but he only gets one second chance. Put him on notice, he said it would not happen again. It better not or the cosequence will be severe.
Then move on. Future episodes had better include a phone call.
2006-08-02 15:03:05 · answer #2 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to have these feelings. However, if he was honest with you about where he was and who he was with, then he has nothing to hide. If he had lied to you, I would be worried. He said it won't happen again, and maybe he will stick to this promise. I wouldn't get too worried unless he does it again. Talk to your husband and let him know how you feel. This is the best way to get past your issues. I hope that he realizes how bad this hurt you, and that he honestly won't do it again.
2006-08-02 14:51:55 · answer #3 · answered by sean's_mom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to trust him. If you keep questioning him, you can put a strain on the relationship. If he keeps coming in late, then ask him. But since he was truthful the first time, he'll probably be truthful with you if it ever happens again. Just tell him how you feel.
2006-08-02 14:52:27 · answer #4 · answered by Motherof2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are you trying to get past? The fact that your husband betrayed you and stayed out all night? Your husband created the trust issue, it is his burden to correct, not yours. Ask him how long it would take him to get over you not coming home one night and him not knowing where you were.
2006-08-02 14:49:58 · answer #5 · answered by Marshal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most important thing is that he was up front with you. If you haven't already... Talk to him about your fears for him and as a couple. If he had a relapse(It does happen) Make sure he says that he is done with it. If it happens again try getting professional help. Good-Luck.
2006-08-02 15:02:54 · answer #6 · answered by Tee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't blame yourself for being worried; he breached your trust in a MAJOR way. What you're feeling is normal and natural - you care about him and your marriage. Hopefully, he learned his lesson; he needs to know that it is absolutely unacceptable to disappear like that. Give it some time, perhaps it was a moment of weakness, and everything will go well. But I wouldn't blame you for being cautious.
2006-08-02 15:00:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give yourself time. It will take a while to get over this, and he will just have to earn your trust back. Trust is such an important part of a relationship, and it's so hard to regain it once you've lost it from someone. Take your time.
2006-08-02 14:48:46 · answer #8 · answered by Littlemissy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Would he risk loosing such a great family?
You need to sit down with him and tell him your concerns.
Only then will you be able to get on with it.
2006-08-02 14:54:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
at this point you need to believe him
2006-08-02 14:48:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋