My husband and i have been toghether for 5yrs but married 2yrs. he is a recovering drug addict and has cheated on me twice the 1st year we were toghether. he has recently come off of drugs for the 6th time and is trying his hardest to stay clean and he says that i keep bringing him down bc i don't trust him and always question him but my pain is still there bc of everything he has put me through. it has only been 7 weeks since he last did drugs and i am still very insecure about where he goes and who he is with so we argue and i do not want to argue but my pain is deep and he wants me to hurry and get over it.
2006-08-02 07:35:24 · 12 answers · asked by needanswers 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
move on !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-08-02 07:48:15 · answer #1 · answered by moonlight 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are going to hold the hurt inside forever. You may even wake up one morning and just want out. The more he pressures you to get over it the more you are not going to get over it. My hubby is an addict but it is a different kind of addiction. He has a sex addiction. It still hurts and I dont trust him. My advice is to seperate for a little bit and see what happens. It may make him wake up and realize what he is doing. When I finally had the nerve to leave my hubby, he did a 180 and is totally different. Put some fear into him girl and be strong. No matter what, know that you can do it and that you are not alone. I am here if you ever need to talk. Hugs your way and best wishes.
2006-08-02 08:03:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Addicts always blame others for their failings, their addiction, whatever. He'll blame you so he can use again no matter how you act.
He doesn't want to suffer any consequences for his actions. So, he insists that you "get over it" quickly. He doesn't care what damage he's done to you. He just doesn't want to suffer for it. Do you understand just how selfish this attitude is? Why are you buying into it?
Tell him trust is something he has to earn. Period. He's spent years proving he can't be trusted. He's going to have to spend some serious time proving he can.
Truth is, you have almost no chance of success here. His attitude is still one of selfishness, denial and deciet. That hasn't changed in years. There is no reason to believe it will change now. The best advice I ever got from Alanon was from a man who said "Never, ever, stay with an addict. You just become a part of their insanity. The longer you stay, the more insane you become."
2006-08-02 07:51:46 · answer #3 · answered by antirion 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i once was married to an addict it was the hardest thing you must be strong and it is like babysitting the trust comes back after they are clean for about two years not weeks trust me when i say if there were drugs in the room or women he would want the drugs there may be girls partying in the house but the drugs are more desirable to him if you see good in this man work with him it will be rewarding to you both in the future your struggles will only make your marriage strong also remember you marry in sickness and in health drugs are a terrible disease.I pray for you both good luck.
2006-08-02 07:53:27 · answer #4 · answered by nicole l 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get a divorce. Dont do this to yourself anymore, the ups and downs of this marriage all caused by him. He is the problem and if you cant forgive then it means you need to break it off and find a new man.
2006-08-02 07:59:31 · answer #5 · answered by Educated 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him he is clean off drugs, not clean on the damage he did. Part of his rehab should be correcting wrongs, not forgetting hi wrongs. Tell him to buck up and accept his role in the pain he caused and correct it or leave him...ASAP! You deserve better and you have put in your time.
2006-08-02 07:46:51 · answer #6 · answered by Marshal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is going to take time and he needs to prove it to you by being trustworthy and staying off of drugs. He is the problem, not you.
2006-08-02 07:48:38 · answer #7 · answered by lavenderroseford 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems that this guy might be too much for you to handle. If he has hurt you to the point where you can't forgive him or let it go, then maybe you should just let him go and you both move on.
2006-08-02 07:57:38 · answer #8 · answered by Cira 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to realize that it takes to get over the pain that he caused. I don't blame you for being insecure.
2006-08-02 08:13:15 · answer #9 · answered by sadtiger 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like the two of you need to go into counselling and put the cards on the table!.
2006-08-02 08:55:07 · answer #10 · answered by hummingbird 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mr. Chivalry says, "Well, he gave you plenty of reasons to not trust him. It's up to you whether or not you trust him at this point. He CANNOT blame you for anything. He has to understand that his actions influenced your relationship. Good luck to you."
Mr. Chivalry has spoken.
2006-08-02 09:37:11 · answer #11 · answered by L Jeezy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋