my family should help me in my time of need but instead they laugh when i bleed
2006-08-02 07:18:07 · 41 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Other - Entertainment
Sounds great - you could title it "Ode to an Emo"
One tip: pay attention to the rhythm. It would be more rhythmic if you said "...they laugh _at me_ when..."
Lots of luck!
2006-08-02 07:21:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually, you might want to save that for the middle since it would make a great accent line to your poem.
Start out with what is going on in your life or what lead up to your pain. As is, the reader doesn't know if the blood is from physical pain, symbolic of emotional pain or from your period.
Conclude the poem with hope, a plan for a happier future or a suggestion on how your familiy might be more supportive.
2006-08-02 07:21:42 · answer #2 · answered by Plasmapuppy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds heartfelt, which is good in a poem. If you could get a little more imagery in it, it would be better.
Try,
I hear the laughs of those I love when living cuts so deep I bleed.
No bandage, salve or soothing balm, or sympathy to ease my need.
Poetry is a healthy way to explore your troubles. Good luck.
2006-08-02 07:31:28 · answer #3 · answered by dig4words 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My family should help me in my time of need
but instead they laugh whenever I bleed.
I shouldn't be surprised
because lately i've surmised,
They're usually the ones to blame.
Yea, that's not a bad start for a poem.
2006-08-02 07:26:00 · answer #4 · answered by smutulator 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my family should help me in my time of need
but instead they laugh when i bleed
my problems went from one to myriad
i'm bleeding cuz i'm on my period
2006-08-02 07:25:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A Moment for You
There are angels on earth
and I know you’re one.
Like an angel,
you watch over special ones.
Keeping them safe from harm,
and making sure they’re alright.
Lifting them up,
and restoring hope in their life.
Guiding them toward happiness,
no one ever needs to feel alone.
Because you’re loving presence is never far,
and your wings are never known.
But their constant comfort is felt every day,
So, if you ever wonder, you do make a difference in everyway.
By: Kenny P. AKA cobra
2006-08-02 07:23:13 · answer #6 · answered by Cobra 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wrote it for you....
my family should help me in my time of need
but instead they laugh when i bleed
They hear me call,
They hear me plead
I thought they'd care,
I'm of their seed
But here I sit, hearing their laughter
As my blood starts to spatter
On their shirts, in their hair
I can't believe they just don't care
And as I twitch around in their arms
I realize I'm the one causing all the alarm
It's now that I understand
I exaggerated a little about this small cut on my hand
"Mom, can I get a band-aid please?"
"Yes dear, just like when you scraped your knees!"
2006-08-02 07:32:37 · answer #7 · answered by RO 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How bout this?
I like to think that my life sucks bad
but in the end, it's me that's sad.
For I have never seen adversity at it's worst
Nor have I been eternally cursed.
I wake up in a bed with warm warm sheets
while others sleep in dirt and eat rotten meat.
Poor poor me is what I'd like others to think
becuase my life is boring and I fuggin stink!
2006-08-02 07:23:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It should go like this.
My family helps me
In my time of need!
They are always
Here to protect me!
Whenever I become injured
And begin to bleed!
2006-08-02 07:32:38 · answer #9 · answered by bigred 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need a new family or a better beginning to your poem.
2006-08-02 07:22:56 · answer #10 · answered by janrena 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems more like the starter to a rock song. Very dark, but I would have to see where it leads.
2006-08-02 07:22:13 · answer #11 · answered by krissy4543 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋