My bf and I have been together for 4 yrs. he asked me to marry him after he had left me for 2 1/2 mo. We have a 2 yr old son that is very close to both of us. I decided to take him back and then in Dec I found out that he had been having an affair for 4 mo. I tried to get even with him by having a 1 nite stand but all that did was make me look bad. He is a good man in every other way. but can't seem to be faithful. I love him more than I thought possible. I have tried to forgive him. some days are easier then others. I have thought about leaving but I don't want to hurt our son and I really want our relationship to work but I don't think he is going to stop cheating. I have since caught him asking for other womens phone numbers and telling another women that he is moving to Texas next year which I know nothing about.He said he was just playing. When I ask why he has to talk to women like that he says he feels bad about himself. What do you think?"
2006-08-02 06:33:55 · 11 answers · asked by mystic4624 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He will cheat again. Its just a matter of time and circumstances. It is hard to be a single parent, but it would probably be worse to have parents who cheat on eachother and fight all the time.
On the other hand you could marry him, and then get half of his stuff and tag him for a bunch of childcare.
2006-08-02 06:46:54 · answer #1 · answered by noise 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally.. if he had an affair, and then vowed he'd never do it again, I'd probably re-consider it. Some do makes mistakes, and learn from them..sadly.. most don't.
But if this is a constant thing..then that's going to be a problem.
I'm sorry to hear that this has happened to you, and it is hard, cause I was engaged myself, and I thought he was the one for me..we kept having arguements off and on, and a day after, we'd get back together..but one time.. thing's really blew up, I found out he was talking to his ex, and I didn't agree by him doing so at all, and he's been talking to girls at work also, and that just added fuel to the fire altogether.
Just a week prior before I found out about him talking to other girls, he said we should move the wedding date ahead, and get married next month, which some thing's.. I'll never understand..nor would I want to now.
We split for awhile, and during the 2 months, he said he couldn't move on, or think of being with another woman, I believed it, but I also thought it was fishy cause he basically said everything I told him, it was like a repeat of my own words. But I believed him..but yet at the same time, he kept going out with his "buddies" and said we should get together, I had agreed.. but he was a no show.
Afterwards of not talking, one day he finally told me, he had an ex living with him, and he's been seeing other girls.
I was crushed.. to go so far, and for even him to talk about getting married..just crushed me.
I figured well, I could forgive him, but that's not what he wanted, I basically got dropped like a hot potatoe.
I never imagined that he could of even been capable of doing these thing's.. and it is hard after being through so much, but in my opinion, it's not worth it, I'm going onto my third month now, and it has been a tough time, but all those feeling's like.. How could this of happened, I can't believe this.. are fading away.
It's hard to let go, but it's just not worth the trouble in the end, and all the stress, and worries of what's going on.
I never thought he would of done such horrible thing's.. but it's better to let go, and find someone better, that can be faithful towards you, without all the worries of him saying he's going to take off, or finding out about another woman.
2006-08-02 13:58:02 · answer #2 · answered by xx_ladyxluck_xx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have had a simular situation... except mine was cheating on me with his ex-wife and others.. we have a son and he was good about visiting with him until he turned 10. The biggest thing I found to do was
A) leave and start a new life, take your son with you and be honest with him if he questions why you and daddy are not together.... by that i mean.. tell him age appropreate. something like "because daddy and I didn't believe in the same things" and expand as he gets older but only when he asks. My son is now 17 yrs and he has found out alot of things just by watching his father.
B) NEVER under any circumstances tell your son something you do not KNOW for certian or have tangeable proof of. do not be afraid of having him, your son, confront his father on questions that are better answered by him... like, why didn't daddy come to my birthday party...... and you and your son asked him to.
Ultimately the decision is up to you; you have to do what is best for you AND your son. Just remember.... it will not be easy either way... and Children learn what they see on a regular basis..
Hopefully this will give you something to think on and you will make the BEST decision for you both..... no matter how much it hurts at the start.
2006-08-02 13:56:24 · answer #3 · answered by Marjorie B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
# 1 thing. Do NOT stay just for your son. If you are unhappy your son is going to scense it and you could leave permanate emotional scars. Children are extremely smart and observing. Your husband is showing a controling nature. He may not be abusive, but he wants his cake and eat it too. This is your second time around with him. He is demonsrating loud and clear his ways have not changed. Shame on him the 1st time. Shame on you the 2nd time. I have walked in your shoes 4 years ago, and the truth is you and your son are not enough for him to settle down. Now you need to either accept what he is bringing to your life or you can create the life you and your son deserve.
2006-08-02 13:59:47 · answer #4 · answered by Building Beauty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't buy his lame *** excuse. I know this must be a very difficult situation for you, especially since you have a child together. I think you should leave him. Honesty and trust is #1 in a relationship. If he is going to continue to cheat, it will only lead to a very messy divorce. Don't be afraid of hurting your child, it would be MUCH worse for your child to grow up around the two of you fighting. You could cause a lot more damage to your child if you stuck with the guy. PLEASE do not marry him yet, you need to work this out first and learn to trust him. Most of all, he needs to commit to you and ONLY you. Don't settle. If he really wants to work things out, you really should go to pre-marriage counselling.
2006-08-02 13:47:05 · answer #5 · answered by jay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion you have to let him go. You cant allow him to hurt you. If he cant be faithful then how much does he really love you. And staying in it for your son is not really a good reason, you are unhappy and that is not fair to him. He should not have to see his mom being hurt by his dad. If you really don't want to leave, then you and him need to think about having some kind of therapy to find out why he cant be faithful. I wish you luck and hope you can find happiness.
2006-08-02 13:43:46 · answer #6 · answered by shannon c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to understand you are in love with a man who doesn't love you as much as you love him. If he truly loved you, he wouldn't have cheated. Your son is still very young and won't be as "hurt" as you think. I think you are talking about YOU being more hurt than your son. You need to find your dignity and pull yourself up by your bootstraps and move on. This man is only capable of loving himself. It's hard, but in the end, you will thank yourself for it. Trust me, you are saving yourself a lot of heartache that is sure to come. He won't ever change. As soon as you accept that, the better off you'll be.
2006-08-02 13:43:46 · answer #7 · answered by carolscreation 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you both should go to counseling...it seems he has a problem more so then you do...from the way you speak of him i can tell you love him very much..and the part about not wanting to hurt your son if you were to live him is understandable....we all think that way when it comes to making our kids happy...but really i think counseling will be great for you two....some guys and women do these sorts of acts because something is bothering them as a person..they aren't happy with who they are so they go to others to try to make them feel better..but in the end he is only hurting you....so try counseling and see how that goes..hope things work out for you..
2006-08-02 13:41:33 · answer #8 · answered by sgtrlopez 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is a loser and a compulsive cheater. I know that you want things to work out but he is not pulling his load. Save yoru save time and headaches and dump him.
Trust me, people don't change and he will never see the light,. If anything, he will get worse, You and your baby deserve better, if you marry him you will be a miserable.
Good luck
2006-08-02 13:46:46 · answer #9 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think your boyfriend is mature enough yet for a monogamous relationship. Some men are never able to be faithful to one woman. Its a flaw in their character, and some don't see anything wrong with it.
2006-08-02 13:42:07 · answer #10 · answered by smartypants909 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋