Want to catch my husband, once and for all, so he can't take my babies!!?

Question

hey,
I hae been married for 11 years, and when I got pregnant with my first child my husband decided he wanted to be single, and we leagally seperated, we got back together 4 months later, and now have 3 children, My husband is like a Dr. Jeckyll and Hyde, he can be the sweetest man, flowers, etc, then in the amount of time it takes to take his shoes off he is screaming I'm stupid, the kids are stupid, he calls my son a retard, because he has a speech disorder, and on and on it is a vicous circle, we go through daily. I know he is abusive and because he doesn't hit, I have no proof, people think he is great!! except they all agree he has a temper, He tells me all the time to pack my **** and leave and take the retard with me, but his girls are staying here, I can't leave my children with him!!! he has already warped them enough!!! I know by the discarded porn sites, and personal ads he is computer dating but I want to find proof, any suggestions??

Answer 1

What more proof could you need? Get out now before he does any more damage to you and your kids.

Answer 2

honey i think you know the answer already but you can go to cheaters.com Another thing i think you either want to consider therapy or just leaving all together.I am so sorry your son has to go through that is wrong.He should not be treated this way and neither should you.Does your husband have any idea what effect that verbal abuse is doing to his son.Thats going to wear down your sons self confidence and eventually start hating his dad.Im sure your son already has tough issues to deal with as having the speech problem that really makes me want to cry for him.As for your husband you say his moods change from sweet too a raving lunatic at the drop of a hat to me that sounds like he is bi polar and he may want to have that checked but i doubt he will because he soundslike the type that wont admit he has a problem.But definitly go to the cheaters web site collect enough info off your computer about the sites hes visiting that you can.And this sounds bad but you say you need ammo to show how he is towards you and the boy get a small tape recorder or small nanny cam and hide it and tape everything that goes on so if need be you have that ammo in court if thats what you decide to do.I wish you the best of luck

Answer 3

You don't need proof of his infidelity to make the decision to leave him and you're wasting time by even thinking about delving into it. What is that going to prove? That he's a jackass? You already know that and the court doesn't need proof about his online habits to determine what is in the best interest of the children.

You plan your exit, take your kids and you GO. It's incredibly difficult and there are a thousand reasons you can rationalize why you can't do it but every day you stay is another chunk out of your self-esteem and another day that your kids have to live in chaos. Be your childrens' advocate and find the strength to get out; they can't do it for themselves, they need YOU to protect them from a destructive environment. If you can't rely on family and friends to help, there are plenty of community resources out there to assist you in making the break. Quit stalling and move forward; he is never going to change.

Answer 4

WHat state are you in? That factors in highly about what steps you need to take> Some states are no fault, some view adultery as very serious. Also, Having prrof of dating online is not the same of having the name and actual witness statement from a woman he is fornicating with.. SOme judges could care less about the cheating.. If you divorce him he will play dirty, and will lie better than you can tell the truth, because is is so abusive.. ALso, depending on what state you are in, you can tape record phonecalls with one party knowledge. You have to do it correctly for it to be used as evidence. DO not imply to him anymore that you want a divorce.. Just act like everything is fine. You don't want him to be ready.. I have so much more I could tell you! In contested custody disputes abusive men are able to get custody in over 70% of cases.(according the the American Judges Asscociation) . and able to convince custody evaluators that they are happy in normal although they terrorize their family at home and destroy the people who love them. Be careful.. THe best thing really depends on what state you are in.

Answer 5

You don't need proof. There are shelters for abused women and children in your area. Find them. Call any abuse hot-line and they can give you that info. Run don't walk with those kids. do not look back. Get out. It may only be verbal right now but it will get to physical. The shelters will help you stay safe and help you find work and child care and all of the things you will need. Please if not for your life then for the lives of your children. Leave today!!!

Answer 6

I would say that with him being emotional abusive to your son and you that is proof enough and most likely there is no way in this world that he will get your other children. I would talk to a lawyer and see what kind of advice they would give you. I would also think that with the computer ads that he has that would be proof enough.
Hang in there and stay strong.

Answer 7

Damn. I can feel your pain. No court is going to let him have your girls. Please try to get him on tape and do what you can to get proof. Do you know any of his screen names? Nick names? Go to google.com and yahoo.com and type in his names, nick names, user names, any other names you think he may use and you may find something. You need to get out. You are hurting your babies by staying. There is so many places that will help you. You need to get a court order for him to stay away and they will give you one. You have to be the one to do it first. If not he may be the one getting the orders against you and will lie and do what he has to do to get the kids. Try to get as much evidence as you can. I am so sorry. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 8

Enlist the "Geek Squad" to install a micro-video camera at some inconspicuous place in the room with your husband's computer with a wireless transmitter that will send images to a laptop computer that you are monitoring. Find out his usernames and passwords for the sites you expect him of being on and then log on as your husband. Then you can see all of his activity and print it as evidence.

Answer 9

Your looking at your problem all wrong, if he's abusive, then you pack your bags and kids and put your tennis shoes on and hit the road,don't let him know where you go or what your doing,he will have to focas all his time and effort to find you and that would disrupt his love life on the side. Surely you can find distant relative or friend to put you up till you get on your feet.

Answer 10

You know what?

Custody isn't determined by how great of a husband he was or how great of a wife you were.

It's determined by what is best for the children and who is the better PARENT.

Coming up with "proof" that he is "computer dating" will mean nothing when it comes to custody.

If he is such a warped jerk, why did you keep having babies with him? Oh ... they are HIS babies too. They aren't exclusively yours.

Answer 11

www.bpdcentral.com

sounds like a form of Borderline Personality Disorder. There are 9 traits. Go to the site and see if he fits.