My Fiance and I have been together for 7 years and I have found that over the last 6 months that he and I fight too much for it to be healthy. He often calls me things like "ignorant", "stupid B*%$!" and other degrading things similar to those listed above. He has agreed that he has a temper issue and will go to anger management, but what else can I do to better our relationship and make it healthy again?
2006-08-02 06:08:46 · 13 answers · asked by C H 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have only been engaged for 9 months............
2006-08-02 06:40:26 · update #1
This man needs help.
And you need to get away from him, until he gets it.
We teach people how to treat us. If you tolerate this it will only get worse.
2006-08-02 06:18:11 · answer #1 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello C H, if he is going to go to anger management classes then this is a good start. You need to be very positive about this with him and let him know how proud you are of him for doing this. Next, have a quiet dinner together. In a restaurant is better, just the two of you. Keeping everything positive, reflect back to the things the two of you did when you first met, talk about the positive things to start with. Once this is going well, slowly bring into the conversation how you don't appreicate him calling you names. If you can stay positive and make him understand, the two of you can slowly get things back to where they are much better for both of you.
Good luck
2006-08-02 06:23:43 · answer #2 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
decide if this is truly what you want in a relationship. Has he been like this for 7 years? Are you stillin love with him and is he still in love with you. A lot of times when men/women are stressed they take it out on the ones they love instead of who they truly mean to direct their anger at. For instance a teenager show anger towards his/her parents because they know deep down their parents will always be there for them. When he starts to act like that, have the I don't care attitude as long as he dosen't hit you. Some people are agrumentive, don't feed into it, if he starts and agrument change the subject or say something that you both will laugh at, even if inside you want to say something negative back don't.
2006-08-02 06:18:55 · answer #3 · answered by rockwithelmo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl you need to get out. As much as it may hurt now, It will only get worse. I have been married for 9 years and it just gets worse and worse. DONT marry him. He will emotionally bring you down and that could lead to a lot of things. You can find someone that will treat you with the respect you deserve. No man should be calling any woman things like that!
2006-08-02 06:18:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i went thru the same thing. My husband went to anger management and he is getting better. It is helping. Just make sure he actually goes and if he doesnt quit then leave. Some people can get better but some can't. It all just depends on how much he actually wants it to be better. And I would also recommend counseling for both of you together.
2006-08-02 06:19:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 7 years you should have already been married! He isn't going to marry you, you know, not after this long a time, and in view of the way the relationship is going, I'd say it has come to an end. DON'T marry this man! get rid of him and find another. Disaster will ensue if you tie the knot, but again, after 7 years I don't think he is interested.
2006-08-02 06:14:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
DUMP HIM and get a restraining order. Anger management is not a gift to you...it's for his own saftey...meaning he's gonna wind up in prison being someone's girlfriend if he doesn't straighten up his act. You need to get the hell away while you still can! These types get more and more violent.
Unless you crave the attention that a battered girlfriend or wife likes. Stay, and watch how he kills you. Don't believe me? try it, go ahead...stay with him...watch my words come to life when he's pounding you and your coughing up blood.
2006-08-02 06:20:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no answer to your question that will be acceptable to you (my prediction). Having said that, let me suggest that Dr. Phil is right, we teach people how to treat us. For whatever reason, he has learned that he does not need to respect you, nor care for you, nor protect you. I'd encourage you to tell yourself that you are a good, worthwhile, valuable, loveable person who deserves to be treated with respect, good humor, and tenderness AND that you don't need someone in your life who can't do that. It's as Shakespeare said, "the fault lies not in the stars (others), but ourselves."
If you require more of him, he'll either shape up (perhaps with counseling) or ship out.
2006-08-02 06:24:37 · answer #8 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think so he is changing how he is treating you. My husband is the same, one day he is very nice another day I'm listening the bad words again.
I'm ignoring all that doing what I like. Most the time spending my energy for my daughter and he is doing what he like. You can try to talk to him I hope this helps. Didn't help with me.
2006-08-02 06:46:10 · answer #9 · answered by cat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any one who called me ignorant or Stupid B wouldn't have the privilege of being my fiance yet alone my husband.
Think hard about what you are doing.
Good luck!
2006-08-02 06:13:26 · answer #10 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that he calls you those things shows his dark side. Believe people when they show you who they are and he has shown he is not a good person.
2006-08-02 09:52:36 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋