My boyfriend isn't sure if I am the one for him and he feels under pressure. What can I do please? Help me.

Question

Thank you all for your replies from my previous question! Just to a little recap on my situation:
We've been together for more than 2 years. We have had a few figths before due to my insecurties and since then he has changed. He says he isn't sure anymore about us and he isn't sure if I am the one for him. He says he knows he has to make a decision about us. We are in a LDR for the past year so things have not been very easy between us. He says he does not like that I cry all the time whenever he does not tell me he loves me and that he is fed up with our situation. I love him. He says the more push and put pressure on him the more he feels like he does not want this. He is coming to visit me this weekend. I have just sent him a text apologising for putting pressure on him and I said I appreciated his honesty and that he told me how he feels openly. He sent me one back saying he is ok and that I should not worry about our situation? What do you think? I still think we need to talk?

We both have had relationships before. I am 28 and he is 26. I understand what you are saying but I really think that if he wanted to break up, he would not have travelled from his place to see me this weekend and he would have just cancelled it? Don't you think? Moreover, it's my 28th birthday this weekend, that's why he is coming to see me. So I really hope that he would not choose this opportunity for a break up. I mean why would he want to face me if he wanted to do that? I am going to be prepared for the worst but I am hoping that we can sort this out. Also if he said to me in his message today that I should not worry, it must mean something. I think I should just stop asking him questions and I should stop pressuring him But it's painful to see the person next to you from saying they love you to saying they are not sure about you.

Answer 1

Let him go. You need to work on your low self-esteem.

Answer 2

Stop taking the backseat in the relationship. No guy wants to feel like they have to be the decision maker all the time. If it's true love, there should not be so much doubt or arguing. Maybe you should be the one to break it off. If he loves you he will put a lot of effort into getting you back. If he doesn't then its for the best that you are not together.

The "Long Distance" part is always hard. No one likes being lonley and often try to find someone closer. try to find a way to be closer or see each other more. If the end of the LDR is very far off, then again maybe you should move on.

You WILL meet someone else and a better person because you will know what you want (and don't want). therefor you'll be patient and get the "right" guy.

Answer 3

If he's coming out this weekend, this is your chance to do some damage control... I'm not trying to slam men at all because I adore them, but they are a different species than we are. They are usually more laid back, less emotional and worrying, and need less reassurance. My suggestion would be to make this weekend an opportunity for the two of you to have fun together. Show him a fabulous time because he'll think about your time together after he's back home. If you make it something serious and emotional and filled with long "where is this going" talks, he's not going to have really fond memories of this visit. So take a breath, relax and try to enjoy each other for a few days without treading too deep. If he's having a good time and doesn't feel like he's being pressured, he'll relax in your relationship too, things will be a little smoother and he may want a deeper commitment on his own!! Take it easy, and good luck!

Answer 4

You need to back off him a little bit! Anyone is going to feel pressured if they have to constantly prove that they love you. You have been together for 2 years, there must have been something worth holding on to! Sometimes when people get familiar they don't feel the need to constantly say things, like it should be understood.

Long distance is really really hard because you can't see what the other person is feeling all the time.

Maybe you two should sit down and make a list of things that you can do to fix the relationship. You write what you want (maybe he needs to call you at a certain time every day), and he writes down what he wants (for you not to cry when he doesn't say certain things).

Hold youself back from begging and crying, try to be respectful and trustworthy. Talking about things and working it out should help you both feel better.

Answer 5

You two need to explore other options. This relationship does not seem healthy. You should not be crying and insecure. He should not be feeling pressured. If he has doubts, that's fine. That's normal. Respect his space. Don't crowd him with weighty conversation all the time. Stop with the apologizing. You've said that you were sorry, so let it rest. He is not the only man alive and you are not the only woman alive. Maybe if you had a chance to experience someone other than him, you might not feel so insecure. An occasional verbal altercation within in relationship is to be expected but constant bickering is not. You both deserve to be happy...it just may not be with each other. Try to enjoy him when he comes and see what happens. If you can't get on the same page, it's time to bounce. I wish you well.

Answer 6

Wow this kinda sounds like how I was when I was in my first real relationship. I was with a guy for 3 years and I was insecure and would cry whenever he would leave and asked him 110 questions of where he was going or whatever. I was really clingy as well and pushy. He was my first real commented relationship and I was about 18. He ended up cheating on me and it ended bad and I was hurt. Took me about 2 years to get over him 100%. But of course you don’t forget about your first “true love”.

I have some advice for you, and you should really think about it. You need to stay strong. The best peace of advice for you tho is to NEVER EVER change for another person. You can always work on things or fix things but don’t ever change, you should never let someone try to change you. You are who you are which is what makes you special as your own person.

I know it is probably hard not to cry but you need to try and stay strong and focused. I still sometimes want to cry when I go home from seeing my bf but I don’t because I know it is unnecessary and that I will see him again. You just need to be strong and realize that crying is really doing more damage then good.

You should find your own hobbies and do your own thing so that he is not your whole world and more. Like with my first relationship my bf was my life and when it ended I lost who I was as a person and did not know what to do anymore it was like my world was gone. Also having your own interest will keep you busy so that you are not always just about that one person. You need to have time for your self and be strong.

Try not to say sorry all the time if you don’t have too. If you always say that you are “sorry” then it will soon lose all meaning. And when you say it he won’t believe you because you said it so many times before. Its kinda like the word “I love you” you don’t want to say that every second of everyday because then it soon looses the true meaning and just becomes a word rather than a feeling.

Hang in there and good luck. If he does break up with you for some reason just try and stay strong. Being single is not all that bad, it will give you time to find out about who you are and stuff. Also will have given you experience and you will know how to handle future relationships.

Good luck!

Answer 7

See how this weekend goes. If he still treats you like he has in your question, I think you should leave him. You are obviously in love with him and will do anything to save the relationship. If he loves you, he will do the same.

Since he said not to worry in his text, maybe you should not worry. Sometimes people get that way when they have been dating someone for that long. What he is doing to you is exactly what I have been doing to my boyfriend. I really don't know why I was playing with his feelings that way. But I am so glad he stayed by my side during that time. I love him so much and I would never want to be without him.

When he comes this weekend, look at his reactio to seeing you. If he gets happy, tell him that you love him and that you will accept him for who he is. I really wish you all the best.

Answer 8

my opinion from experience is: Nobody likes a nag (Sorry). Male and Female are so different. The male wants respect most of all and not to be nagged. If you have an insecurity, there is a reason for that that only you can answer if you search yourself. One big factor is, has he had previous sexual relationships? If so, then, I am sorry but it will most likely not work with you two if you are younger aged. Once anyone has a sexual relationship with another person, they give that person the innocents that was in them before any such relations began. A guy after his first relationship will usually stray sooner or later. IF you have been together for so long and he has said what you said he said then, he most likely does want to break up and is looking for a reason to do so so, he does not have to feel bad about breaking up with you. Talking might do good but I doubt it. Most likely he will not tell you his true feelings unless he is just fed up!

Answer 9

Honestly, it sounds like he's not ready for a commitment. Seems like he is scarred because there are things about the relationship he doesn't like that you know about and also some he probably hasn't told you. I think that if he really wants to make it work, then he will do every thing in his power to keep you. But if he just keeps complaining then you guys should go your own separate ways. Nothing more annoying than a couple that just goes round and round in hope for a good ending. If it doesn't feel right now, what make you think it will feel right later

Answer 10

men dont like to be pushed and pressured regarding responsibilities and commitment. they feel like they cant give you your happiness, making them doubt their selves if they can really make you happy. And you have it feeling this way, the more they think they cant fulfill your emptiness. control your self, hold your emotion. ther is no bad in showing and expressing your true feelings but too much is really an annoying one. Too much of everything can make the feelings less,doubts and insecurities is a possible way to end it up.
love your self, have respect for your self. because you will only know how to truly love someone if you know how to respect and love yourself. Search for yourself, where this insecurities come? Why must you ask too much assurance from him, from your relationship with him?
in this lifetime, there is no guarantee in everything. what you must do is be prepared of the worst to come.Be strong, have faith in yourself. Life has to move on, with or without him. Learn t love your self even more and more love will come to you.
If things didn't go too well between you and your bf...cry, that's natural. then cheer up and move on. Your family and friends are there. its not the end of the world girl!
good luck!

Answer 11

what u need to do, even tho it's really hard.. is be strong. about yourself. work on your ability to feel good about urself, build ur self confidence, so that you can take whatever happens in this relationship. if he feels that u are strong and capable, with or without him, it will give him the freedom to choose if u are right for him. if he feels that u are dependent, and will be SO SAD and miserable and blame him, then he cannot make the right decision w/o feeling pressure. the problem right seems to be him; he is not sure, and it's awesome that u understand that, and that u are able to communicate. now what u need to do is work on yourself, whether it's ur appearance, or your knowledge, or relationships w/ family and friends; ANYTHING that will make u feel good about yourself. that way, whether or not he wants to be w/ you or not, your life does not revolve around this guy. you have to be Whole, in order to contribute healthily to any relationship. if u depend on one person to make u happy, there is automatically going to be pressure on that person, even though you don't want it to be that way. find someone you can grow with, teach each other things, and respect and love eachother, and WANT to be with eachother always. if he has reservations, there has to be a reason.... don't blame him for having doubts; be grateful that he is voicing his feelings now instead of dragging you along. be prepared for the worst by treating him well, being the great girlfriend you have been, and if he ends up leaving you, remember it's not because you didn't love him enough and that u failed, but because he needs to let you find someone who DOES want to be with you. be strong enough to let him go, so that he can choose freely. he will respect u more for that, and perhaps he will be able to see what he is missing: a strong, beautiful, committed and lovely girlfriend who is capable of handling anything!!