I have recently become very dissatisfied with the sexual aspect of my marriage. Now, I love my wife of ten + years but, she just does not have the drive to keep up with me. And when I say drive...it is more like a slow stroll that I am asking for, and I get a crippling uphill walk. I mean, I am talking once a month if I am lucky, more usual to be once every six or eight weeks. Anyways, I have considered meeting a woman for on the side action to help me stay satisfied. I know that it is wrong morally, but I wanted to hear some feedback from some women. And to be clear, I have no intentions on changing my situation. I would only meet someone if we are both in agreement that it would be a no strings attached encounter ONLY. Serious answers only please!!!
2006-08-02 05:21:51 · 26 answers · asked by like to look ;) 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You say that you "Have no intentions on Changing your Situation," but cheating on your wife would be doing just that. Cheating changes a lot about a marriage. Not only will your wife at least sense that something is going on, but you will also start to feel differently toward her. Plus, even if your wife found out and forgave you (not usually what happens), she would never trust you again. Every time you went out for anything (even to the grocery store) she would be grilling you about where you're going and if you're seeing anyone while you're out (Trust me, I saw a very good friend who could never trust her husband again). The other thing is, having sex with someone else is an emotional thing (otherwise, you wouldn't care about having it with someone else and just use your right hand). Do you really want to share with someone else this very strong, emotional act that you share only with your wife? Look, it's not that I don't sympathize, I just think that there may be another way to go. Have you tried being more romantic about sex with your wife? I know my husband after several years of marriage just says, "You wanna bl*w me?" Trust me, the first thing that comes to mind when he says it that way is, "Hell No!" Maybe of you're more romantic about it, she'll be more submissive.
2006-08-02 05:46:17 · answer #1 · answered by Angela 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Instead of posting your personal issues on the public board or considering having an affair, why don't you just consult your wife? If you've been married 10+ years then obviously there is something to the marriage other than sex that has kept you together. Is it worth it to lose all of that over a little "excitement"?
Go to her, tell her everything on your mind, but not in such a way that you are blaming her, otherwise she will get offended and be forced into the defense position. Tell her that you need a little more gratification, and that you want the same for her. Open up some by suggesting some new ideas to spice it up a bit. Suggest spontinaity because scheduling intimacy gets extremely boring. Take a vacation and spend the whole time in the hotel, whatever you two can come up with together.
The idea of a new lover may seem appealing, but you should weigh the significance of that experience to what you hold with your wife. If you think it is not worth it to lose your wife over adultery, you're in a good position. If you still consider an affair however, then you should re-examine your marriage and decide whether a divorce would be more acceptable. A divorce may be heartbreaking, but an affair would be so much worse, paired with mistrust.
2006-08-02 05:33:01 · answer #2 · answered by hayaa_bi_taqwa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex is a huge part of a relationship or marriage, anyone who says other wise is unfulfilled and bitter. You can not ignore the fact that your wife seems uninterested in sex with you, it could mean that she is unsatisfied emotionally which can very much carry over into the bedroom. Now I agree with you that you have needs, we all do, but you know an affair is not the answer no matter how you justify it. If you are unhappy and feel like you may stray you need to address the problem with your wife do not go back on your marriage vows, I promise you an affair never stays secret for long and it will hurt your wife and if you really love her you need to do what is right for her too, not just you. She deserves a healthy sex life too, it may just be time for you two to go your seperate ways and if there are children involved you can still be great parents without being together. I would seek the help of a marriage councler first bafore making any moves. Hope it all works out.
2006-08-02 05:34:55 · answer #3 · answered by M.Kaaua 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Based on personal experience. Perhaps her feelings towards you have become more platonic than ``lovers``. Try talking to her openly. She may not want to tell you because she doesn't wish to hurt you. She may still care for you deeply but the passion has gone. If this is the case (which I hope it isn't), it's better for both of you to deal with the issue now than wait another 5 years and feel that you have waisted both of your time to actually find happiness. I strongly do not recommend having someone else on the side. It would just make the situation more complicated. Could you actually live with your concious? Respect is VERY important in a relationship. If you care deeply for your wife, and you would like the relation to last, you should try councelling. Good luck!
2006-08-02 07:36:53 · answer #4 · answered by Dragonfly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Getting a women on the side just shows that you are unhappy in your marriage, so if you are unhappy why would you cheat on your wife, instead of just separating, or maybe trying to talk to her about how you are feeling. Maybe your wife doesn't realize you feel this way, maybe she thinks you are content having monthly sexual encounters...who knows, but finding someone to replace what your wife is not giving you is immoral, and in which case if you are unhappy, you should leave. It is unfair to your wife to be cheated on, maybe she is unhappy with you for some reason and that is why she is not giving you sex...try talking about it openly and see what happens in the end...Oh, and for the record finding a girl on the side with no strings attached is impossible, unless you plan to get a hooker, most women have morals and will become emotionally involved with you after having a sexual experience.
2006-08-02 05:42:43 · answer #5 · answered by manderin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand your frustration however, there are more aspects to marriage than just sex. Have you ever sat down and had a heart to heart with your wife to find out what is causing this? Maybe you need to put some spice in your marriage...bring her flowers for no reason, take her to dinner and a few drinks. Have you told her that you love her lately? Do you touch her just to feel her skin? Do you hold hands? Maybe if you "dated" your wife, those old feelings she had when you did date would come back. As far as sex on the side, it's not as gratifying as you may think and the repercussions of this act could totally ruin your marriage. Remember you vowed for better or worse, consider this the worse for now and do something about it!!!
2006-08-02 05:29:30 · answer #6 · answered by hummingbird 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I probably should say what your considering is wrong but I too am in the same situation all though I am not married, I have already gone against all my morals and cheated on my partner but I think if your really unhappy and your wife will not listen or compromise then you need to do what makes you feel happy and if that's no strings sex as long as its protected etc I don't think there is is anything wrong in that.
2006-08-02 05:36:18 · answer #7 · answered by Jenny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In Vatsyayana's' Kamasutra',the book on love as an art,he states and stresses the aspect that physical love is not related to the physical aspect of the couple or that moment itself,but to the number of events that take place between the two.It means the husband has to be affectionate,caring and should be able to sustain pleasure feelings and a passion for him in his wife,a longing for him.Various duties of the couple to enhance the love relationship is given in the book.
Adultry is not a solution,but a creator of many problems.
2006-08-02 05:54:42 · answer #8 · answered by aquarian 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband has less of a sexual drive then i do. Cheating is not the answer it is a way to end what sounds like an otherwise good marriage though. If you cheat and she catches you ending the marriage might be the least of your problems i would personally shoot my husband. Talk to her.. let her know how you feel. She may be having physical or emotional problems that's effecting her sex drive.. good luck and remember cheating will get you no where
2006-08-02 05:29:13 · answer #9 · answered by Amy M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm. I have been in this situation. couldn't get sex from hubby so decided to see someone on the side for sex.
of course someone married in same situation. but it isn't the great solution you might think. because sex causes feelings.
there is no such thing as just sex. you will start to care about each other. sex is related to that. and it will change your life and you will be thinking about this person while you are at work and wanting to bowl with them and sneak away for a weekend.
i have no good solutions but i now realize that i did not help my marriage by having the affair. because that just distanced us more. every time i cheated i ended up divorced anyway. the lie and deception of the cheating makes a good relationship impossible with your wife. i think it would be better to try to take massage and tantra classes with your wife or try to learn what she would like in sex better. transform your sex life with your wife. lack of interest in sex is usually a sign of something else wrong, like she's not totally happy with you. try romantic dinners, candlelight, slow dancing, whatever might get her in the mood.
try to get her to tell you how she feels more. women want to have sex after they feel their feelings are understood and feel loved. I'm sorry for your situation, i can really relate. I wish i hadn't cheated in my marriages because the long term consequences hurt me and others (like my kids). And it's not because i got caught. I did not get caught. The consequences of living your life in a state of deception are the real consequences. Not getting caught.
2006-08-02 05:30:36 · answer #10 · answered by BonesofaTeacher 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋