How long can this last?

Question

Why does it seem gay couples are unable to stand the test of time? Very few gays I know have long term relationships. Many gay friends are amazed that I've been in one for almost two years. Why is that? Does this explain the high number of single, older, gay men?

Answer 1

I think it may be more stressful to be in a same sex relationship. Not having the option to be married (in most cases)effects the relationship as well. It is much more difficult to get divorced than to just move out or move on, married people seem to try and work things out more often.

I think the "older gay men thing" has more to do with the fact that it took these guys longer to admit they are gay and come out. A lot of older men just started looking for a male partner.

BTW, good for you, I hope your relationship works out for many happy years to come...

Answer 2

Well A True Leo need to figure out why he is so interested in finding out what gay people, bi, trans are talking about.

As for Danijel- Advise a young boy in school to be a man and get a condom, and just f&$^ her. Is your way of nature then you too are probably going to have trouble finding a long tern relationship. These days girls arent intrested in closed minded guys from redneck villie. I have a beutifu daughter and she would never date a guy like you. So you both need to look for a very weak woman who can be controlled.

As for the question above, all relationships are hard. You need to find someone and weather the storm. In all relationship sometimes its easier to leave than to take a look at your self. Once you find someone who has staying power and you feel the same way, well this is a relationship. Just like everything in life you have to work at it and realize everything is not greener on the other side. I struggle in my relationship too, but every hurdle is like a constant victory. Trust, Truth, Love, Respect. Will make everyone suceed.

If your with someone who doesnt want the same things or is not willing to give up bad habbits for the bigger picture.. then this would not be the correct person.

Answer 3

I really don't know, except to say that relationships are hard in the best of conditions, and being gay in this society can't always be easy. Is it possible that the gay culture doesn't really support long-term relationships? I'm just throwing that out. Not being gay, I'm no authority whatsoever. My brother-in-law has been in a committed relationship with a man my children call Uncle Bill for over 20 years, so it is possible. Good luck to both of you!

Answer 4

It is becuase for so long we have been told we can't have long lasting relationships but not only the str8 but also the gay community. Listen to someone long enough and you will believe them. It's only now that we can marry and have civil unions and commitment ceremoies that we are starting to hear more and more that we can have the long relationships. That they aer possible.

You should also look at the divorce rate for those str8 married couples. It is as high as ours would probably be. It is not gays it is society in general.

I however know I will find the long life relationship or die trying. I know it is possible and will not allow anyone to tell me otherwise. Good luck with your own relationship...

Answer 5

Couples in general don't stay together as much as they used to. I think gay people have a harder time in society. Also, many gay people don't start dating people of the same sex until after they've tried to make a hetero marriage work. Not as much time left after that, so relationships aren't as long-lasting.
In regards to the "single, older gay men" question: a big reason is that the government in the 80s chose to ignore the scientific conclusions regarding how aids/hiv is transmitted; although informed by the CDC, the D.C. officials refused to disseminate information properly to the public. many of today's older gay men have lost their gay spouses who were in their prime in the 80s and not having 'safe sex'.

Answer 6

deep sigh..........unfortunately aids explains the lack of older gay couples. the number of sexually active men that died is enormous. most we're infected in the late 60's or 70s, by the time they sowed their wild oats and settled down, they were sick with an incubation time of 10-12 years. so their partners got to watch them die as our government stood by and did nothing. there are many gay couples but they don't typically go to bars or other places where young men go.try a gay social group (not a singles group) you'll be surprised.

Answer 7

Perhaps its due to the fact that men are more aggressive and denominating. In essence; it can only work if both are equally partnered in mind, and emotion. Generally speaking yes you'll have tops and bottoms in bed; but there needs to exist some type of mutual respect outside the bedroom. In many cases; we are particularly only interested in our self-absorb needs and not that of others. Therefore in the beginning of the relationship, we are blinded by our personal needs and reality.

In addition, perhaps more importantly we have the historical factor of having to be closeted. In that sense; every aspect of the gay culture become sexually nomadic. The hit and move on, became the rule of thumb to avoid discovery.

Lastly, I believe gay couples don't last, because we live in a very disposable culture. We trade-in, up, and out for convinces. Some of us, learned to step on or be stepped on in a relationship. We have never experience the true essence of a good relationship, and not becoming scared of being vulnerable with someone in your life. We never learned to trust or to be trusted. Many of us are frighten of at the aspect of someone loving us for who we truly are. Ironically, we struggle for acceptance; and when we find it; we run for high ground.

Answer 8

I know a number of gay couples that have been together from 5 - 25 years. It's just like heterosexual couples. You have to work at it. Gay couples have it more difficult because many tell them that they're wrong and should not be together.

Answer 9

The only thing that explains single older gay men, is that everyone one wants someone 18 to 24, no fats, fems or druggies...They enjoy long walks on the beach, dinner at home and cuddling...

Answer 10

Nope...I know lots of people in long term relationships..I'm in my 19th year..but I have friends who have been together 39ys....Gay couples tend to disappear out of the gay 'scene' very rapidly and you won't find them out and about at gay functions....you hardly ever see them ...that's why our numbers appear to be low to you.