his friends tell me i look great and he freaks out and says what are you looking at mf..... that makes me feel like dirt, he isn't proud to have me on his arm. WHY!!! I'm 41 & don't look like it at all maybe 34 (I've been told=) ) i left again recently after he hurt me, again. I just want to be happy now either w/ or w/o him I have too much to look forward to in life....I'm just getting started i wish he would wake up and just apologize but i think it has gone too far for that now. we have said things that you would never repeat to anyone, and sooooo hurtful. YOU CANT TAKE WORDS BACK, And when you drink the truth comes out. i'm really worried about him, but maybe i just shouldn't care but he can be a good person...whatever...a good person doesn't treat someone the way he has treated me.. take care jon
2006-08-02 04:47:03 · 33 answers · asked by agreatgift41 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is a very emotionally abusive relationship. I know I have been there. It is very hard to leave but there are benefits to leaving and getting out of a relationship like this. Since I have left, I learned that I can stand on my own two feet. I have also learn that I am a sexy beautiful desirable woman. My prayers are with you.
2006-08-02 04:52:34 · answer #1 · answered by naute_girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would definately leave him. I am also in a relationship that has so much jealousy both ways its crazy. My hubby has a porn and cyber chatting addication and it makes me sick. He has told me he wont again but I do not believe him. That is the reason for my jealousy. He doesnt have a reason to be jealous of me but he does. I cant even go to the store by myself without him questioning me when I get home. Did you get hit on? or some other dumb questions like what guys give me work to do at work LOL. I get the questions and remarks everyday but I have come to realize that it is his own guilt and insecurities that make him question me. Tell me this, Has he ever cheated on you or have you ever suspected that he has? You are not getting any younger and I believe that the younger you are the better your chances are in finding love again. If you wait, it may be too late. I have a feeling that if you stay that it will just get worse and you will end up regreting the fact that you stayed. Especially at your age. I am not saying you are old but I do think that it will be harder for you if you wait another 5-10 years. Follow your heart. If you really love him then try talking to him and tell him that you would never hurt him and that he has no reason to be the way he is being. My hubby treated me like crap up until the day I told him that it is over and meant it. Since then he has been kissing my butt and I have really seen a change. I guess he woke up and realized how it would hurt him if I did go and for him to think of me being happy with someone else. He just couldnt think about it because even the thought really scared him. I would threaten him with it and be stern and mean it. Try it for a week and see how you feel. I bet you anything that he will come crawling back unless he has something else on the side. Good luck. Kimmy
2006-08-02 05:03:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband apologizing isn't going to solve a thing. They will just be words. Whether good or bad words your husband words mean nothing.
Stop this cycle of letting him make you feel less of a person. He needs professional help and at a minimum your marriage needs counseling.
You say he drinks. When he is clear minded you need to sit down and tell him how you feel, how you will no longer allow him to belittle you, and that if he can't commit to get help the marriage is over.
Life is too short to deal with a "good guy" who makes you feel bad about yourself.
And you don't need strangers justifying your decision. Do what you know is right and start listening to your heart which will break either way if you leave your husband who you obviously love or you destroy yourself being miserable.
2006-08-02 05:03:50 · answer #3 · answered by Pamela M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, first of all, I believe in marriage vows. Hun you stood in front of people and promised. for better or for worse.. good and bad. storm or sun. And I definately think you are leaving some things out which make it a lot harder to help. That kind of jealousy is ok. It is ok for him to be jealous, if a friend says stuff to his wife or about his wife. Is there a reason for his jealousy... Has he been cheated on? Have you cheated on him? or come close or did something that made him think cheating could have happened or might happen? I am not justifying his actions or anything. BUT by what you say that NO reason to leave him..... And perhaps they say more than you look great, or in how they say it, body positions and stuff..is one of his friends an ex of yours. and perhaps he knows his friends a bit more than you and maybe he thinks that * if you have cheated or given him reason to think you have* and he knows his friends dont' care about whether a lady is married or not or they have gotten with a former flame before, he has every right to be jealous. Alot of the time when adultry goes on its with someone one of the couple knows, a mutual friend or accaintance. And he doesnt always have to tell you or show you hes proud to have you on his arm. YOUR married now. He shouldnt have to say all the time that you look great.....I am not trying to be mean but seriously. perhaps your seeking more attention.........and you said he has to apologize, maybe you do too....most guys feel once married that the romance stuff doesnt need to happen. BUT still. you also said you both said stuff.so you both said mean things, so maybe you should look back at yourself too....
So perhaps you and your husband need to go to couples therapy? and you should go by yourself too>>>>?
also talk to him. dont accuse or come at him...calmly and don nag him or anything....
Also he prob does like having u on his arm...but perhaps there are other reasons...talk to him first bfor eu suggest therapy.
2006-08-02 04:59:32 · answer #4 · answered by SEXY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stand on Ur two feet and tell him that if u don't like when friends tell me compliments then what kind of husband r u? who treats me like dirt. "did u tell me any compliments did u say any thing nice too me for the past (for how long r u together) tell him "if u love me treat me like a wife and with respect not like a b**** (< sorry) don't be a jerk"
i would probably leave him because i don't think he will wake up, he is one of thous people who drink and cant keep there's mouth shut (my mum is one of them too) u just started u sad so go find someone who really cares about u treats u with respect i wish u good luck
2006-08-02 05:02:43 · answer #5 · answered by Edvard F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was with a guy like that for thirteen years. He never introduced me to the people he worked with, never took me to a xmas party, and didn't even want me to go inside a store with him. This made me feel like a spec of dirt on someones shoe. He hurt me so many times I turned to drugs and alcohol for relief. I got some counseling and started to identify my feelings, and recognize when things make me uncomfotable. I can get out of that situation. I recently re-married and my husband is so proud of me. He loves just the way I am. I'm sure that's out there for you also. You realize I hope the reason your guy acts this way is because he is insecure. It's not about you, Sadly his problems are affectig you. Get out of there and find someone who is worthy of you!
2006-08-02 05:00:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to get out and enjoy your life, your right there are so many things out there, and there is nothing wrong with u looking good and other people apreciating that i mean he can be jelous but to a certain degree u know, so there is so much stuff to do out there and fortunatly there are still good guys out there that will treat u the way u deserve to be treated to go out and have fun. if u sitll love him and he comes back make it clear to him what bugs u and what u both need to work on, dont just put it on him he will feel bad but say maybe if we try again we can both do ............. differently, if not then u go out there and enjoy ur life u only live once good luck
2006-08-02 04:54:04 · answer #7 · answered by jm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like he is unworthy of what could quite possibly be a great catch. You sound attractive and youthful. Compliments should be exactly that: compliments. Has the jealousness gotten worse over time, or has it stayed the same? If it's gotten worse, it could lead to heavier verbal abuse or even physical. I wouldn't stay in a relationship like this. Married or not, I'd get the hell out. I would NOT put up with it. Good luck.
2006-08-02 04:53:45 · answer #8 · answered by jokerscard692000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My Mom finally had enough of my Dad after 17 years of marriage. He was just like your husband. I only wish she had divorced him sooner. BTW- that was 15 years ago, I'm 27 now. My Dad abused my Mom both mentally and physically, and no one should have to go through any form of abuse. You need to have enough respect for yourself to know that you deserve better, and to get yourself out of the situation now, before he puts you in the hospital- or worse. You sound like a wonderful, beautiful person, and you deserve to be happy. Please find a way to start saving your money, and leave. Don't let him convince you that he'll change. They don't.
2006-08-02 05:04:14 · answer #9 · answered by Cristalle T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Believe me, He will never change. Your life will be a misery forever or until you have the courage to change it. Leave him. There are hundreds of men out there who will treat you and worship you like a princess. Do it now. It will be painful for a start but it will be worth it in the long run. For God's sake get a proper life
2006-08-02 04:54:34 · answer #10 · answered by Westey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋