I just recently broke up with my boyfriend who I had been dating for just over 6 months. During the time that we were together, he gave me herpes. Now I have met someone new, and relly really like him, we want to get intimate, but I am so afraid. I have not had sexual relations with anyone since my jerk of an X. I know that I should tell him, but I am so afraid that he will not want to be with me anymore. How should I go about approaching this situation?
2006-08-02 04:01:40 · 31 answers · asked by *-Quek-* 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You should tell him the honest truth hon
A good relationship is based on two things, honesty and trust. If you are a honest with him now, then he will trust you, otherwise there will always be doubt which can cause real issues in the future.
If you can see your relationship going further, and you really like the guy, then this is how I think you should approach telling him. Sit him down, in a calm atmosphere, and explain to him the situation. Take your time, so he's not left with 100 questions and explain that it's not your falt - it was your ex, and that you had no idea.
Also, it would be a good idea to tell him just how much you like him, and that you would've told him sooner if you weren't so afraid you'd lose him - this might make him realise just how lucky he is. Basically, tell him everything you told us!
If your relationship is strong, and he really likes you, then he wont care. It may take him a little while to get used to it, and his reaction may be that he needs some time to himself, but this doesn't mean YOU'VE done anything wrong. After a while, he'll come to terms with things, and your relationship will be better than every because you can trust each other.
Don't hide things from him, because if he really likes you, the truth wont change a thing. Sounds like he's got a good GF!
Good luck hon ;-)
2006-08-02 04:05:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, what a dilema. I think the first thing you should do is maybe talk to a doctor about how you can still be intimate and not spread the condition that you already have to anyone else. I say that because you are going to be facing this same problem with anyone you decide to date for the rest of your life............................you should NOT have sex with this guy, until you tell him, let it be his choice whether or not he wants to just be friends or something more. I know its a hard thing to do, but you if you really like him and think your relationship is going somewhere you need to tell him. Just sit him down and tell him that you care about your health and not only yours but his as well so here is the deal................(fill in the blanks).
On another note, is this a boy or a man, if he is a man then he will understand and appreciate your concerns for him. Sweetie be careful out there, its alot more diseases, ones way worse than what you have..........take care of you.
2006-08-02 11:09:43 · answer #2 · answered by Monie D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, The bottom line is you NEED to TELL HIM. Look at it this way. Your X didn't tell you did he? So you know exactly what it feels like. So knowing this why put your new boyfriend at risk. Tell him that you have it and how you got it. NOW I would also suggest you wait to have sex with him and keep him hanging until you are comfortable enough to tell him. BUT also keep in mind that if you wait too long he may not wait and he'll leave you. When you are ready for sex you should tell him that you NEED to talk with him before you and he commit to any sexual relations. You BOTH need to understand that you CAN LIVE with herpes. AND you BOTH can have a GREAT SEX LIFE together without you giving him the disease. GOOD LUCK
2006-08-02 11:24:44 · answer #3 · answered by GRUMPY 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In this situation there is a bad and a good side to it. The bad would be that this new guy leaves you because of this. but the good thing about that is that then you would know what kind of person you are with. Honestly is always the best thing~~!! you wouldn't want to tell him AFTER the fact or if anything more serious happens, then there is really no turning back. There are preventions of passin it on, you should really check them out, and most importantly, talk to your doctor about it before you get into anything ~~
2006-08-02 11:07:42 · answer #4 · answered by BlovesD 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry that you got more than you bargained for;
however, I wouldn't adivse anyone to be sexually intimate with another if they are not your spouse. For one, there many risks and many men are out to gratify their lusts and don't really or trully love you. The easier you accept to go that far, the less they think of you (with low estimation)
If however the man LOVES you and not LIKING you, depending on how far you have gone with him, it's only wise to let him know.
Men who care for the ladies they love don't haste things into such intimacy before they are your spouse!! Take the other incidence as a lesson and learn from it. Don't stoop too low
Just calculate the move so carefully a little patience before involvement wil pay much dividends. Thanks
2006-08-02 11:23:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would sit him down and say that the last relationship i was in was not a good one. The guy who i was dating gave me herpes. I didn't know he had it.(tell him straight forward.) Say i understand if you want to break up with me right now. But that really would devastate me and break my heart. Also say that you would do anything in your power to keep it from spreading. Or just don't tell him and get a medicine that prevents you from spreading herpes.
2006-08-02 11:10:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh hon my heart goes out to you, I'd beat the stuffing outta my ex if i were you, but since you're not well! but to answer your question i think you should be honest, and if he's any kind of decent man he would explore ways with you about not only understanding more about herpes but how to have safe sex and that kinda stuff. if he runs for the hills then he's an idiot and he's not worthy of you. i think that in terms of relationships you should take your time and look at taking care of yourself. anyhow all the best.
2006-08-02 11:17:04 · answer #7 · answered by diva anne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont have sex with him first of all not until you dont have to ask this question and second you have to tell him first so wait until you trust him enough to tell him and make sure you use protection 6 months is to soon to not wear protection girl this is your life do you want to give someone else herpes and not even let them know b4 they sleep with you thats cheap think what you would have done had you known your ex had it
2006-08-02 11:08:12 · answer #8 · answered by partylitebyterra 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be tactful and tell him. You gotta talk to him and hope he understands and still wants to be with you. Thats the only thing you can do. Prepare yourself for the possibility that he might not want to see you anymore. But in that case he wasnt the right guy for you anyway. good luck!
2006-08-02 11:06:59 · answer #9 · answered by T-Jay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honesty is the best policy
i wouldnt want someone knowing they have something to infect me
please dont take it personal
and i m sorry to hear that he did this to you
what a jerk
but sit down witht he guy n talk to him
if he really love u he will stay
if doesnt stay then he wasnt into u
n u save ur self time and efforts
2006-08-02 11:06:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋