getting pregnant and dying?

Question

My boyfriend and I are talking about having a baby and in my family several women have died giving birth.That has come to be my biggest fear. I told him if he had a choice would he pick me or the baby and he said he would pick me and i told him i wouldn't want him to. Anyways i need to find a way to get over this fear so that when the time comes i can be pregnant and not feel like i am dying. Have it be a happy event in my life not a sad one. If anyone has any good advie please help.

for those of you who think i should be married. a man can leave you no matter if there is marriage on a piece of paper or not. If they are scared they are scared.being brought up by one parent or both can still make a good person. I was brought up by my mother and I did and still do everything she taught me and i am sucessful in life.

Answer 1

I think you need to find out the reasons why your family members died during the birthing process, chances are the reasons are highly preventable in this day and age.
Talk to your doctor about your fears and he can explain to you the very low risk of dying while giving birth and your chances of it.

Answer 2

There are so many reasons that some of your family members died while giving birth.

It's good you're looking into this before you do anything...but instead of asking on this board, ask your mom and your doctor. Go on an information hunt.

Ask mom what happened to all the others that died during birth. If she doesn't know, ask other relatives what happened. It might be genetic or it just may be a bad concidence.

Did they all have prenatal care? Did they follow the doctor's advice. Were they extremely young or older when they had the babies? Were they home births or in the hospital?

Once you get these answers, then go to your doctor and let him/her know everything you've found out. Ask him/her questions and see what are the chances these things would happen to you. He/she may consider you a high risk, just in case and to keep an eye on you better.

He may have you come in more often than other moms. Don't fret it, be happy that he/she does so you know things are going ok. The sooner you find the problem, the better chance it can be caught and something done about it.

It is so important to get to the doctor as soon as you think you are pregnant. There is a vitamin that you need to have before you even get pregnant (I can't remember the name right now...I want to say Folic Acid..but check with the doc first!)

After you are armed with all this information and have talked it all out with your doctor, then decide if pregnancy will be right for you. If he/she thinks you can make it through fine with being watched closely, then decide if it's right for you. If he/she sees there really is a problem that can't be monitored correctly then an even bigger decision will have to be made by you.

Try not to worry until you get all the information. Good luck with your hunt and I hope it was just all a bad coincidence.

Answer 3

I would say try to find out exactly why the women in your family died giving birth and discuss this with your doctor. Also get a full check up and tests ran before you conceive. I really agree with what you said about having a husband. I think people are too quick to judge if a person is married or not and having a baby. I hope you get over your fear and have a beautiful baby! Good Luck.

Answer 4

I would suggest researching the subject. For instance, did all of the mothers die from the same type of thing? If it was a variety of issues then there is no immediate reason to feel that there is something hereditary that you could be at risk for. It could be something like their placenta was attached to the uterus so low that it covered the cervix causing labor issues. But these days ultrasound can determine where the placenta is and you will know way ahead of time that you will have to have a c-section to avoid problems. Or it could have been Rh-factor problems that they routinely test for now and take preventative measures for now. However researching the causes of their deaths and understanding the biology and science of the problems may help you understand if and how likely it is that you are at risk for the same problems, how the issue becomes a health problem, and hopefully how to have less risk of having the problems yourself.

For me personally, I had heard a lot (like most people) about how painful and scary labor was. Leading up to the birth of my first child I read all I could about how labor works, why the body parts do what they do, and why labor manifests itself as painful. Once I understood that the actions that lead to pain are all a part of making the baby come out faster and more efficiently I was able to relax about the experience...leading to less pain.

Answer 5

Hi there,
It sounds like you're in a tough position. You have to ask yourself how much do you and your boyfriend want a baby. If you really, really want one then talk to your doctor. Tell him your fears. So much has improved in modern medicine. You don't have to die...if there is complications...you can have a c-section prior to giving birth and therefore you won't be in danger.
For me...I would spend the nine months preparing the baby's room...bonding with my boyfriend and loving the fact that a little person is growing inside me.
Good Luck with your decision.

Answer 6

maybe you should talk to your doctor about this before you get pregnant....there might be a reason why other women in your family died giving birth and your doctor might be able to prevent it from happening.....and your husband is right he should pick you...i mean you could always have another baby later if you could be saved....but talk to a doctor first...im sure that will ease your fears so you can have a happy healthy pregnancy

Answer 7

My advice is marry this guy before you talk about having babies. Children deserve to be brought up with two parents who are married. It makes them feel more stable.
AFter you are married and do get pregnant, make sure you have good prenatal care. Go to regular checkups and your doctor can help you if there are any complications.

Answer 8

oh man. I can't even imagine feeling like that. Let your doctor know the situation- technology has a way to make everything run smoothly and if it is known before hand the doc can do teh best in preventing any problems. good luck

Answer 9

If you have this fear, you should see the doctor before getting pregnant and talk about it all so you can make an informed decision. Good luck.

Answer 10

you need to find out why they died first off. if its always been at the same hospital, go somewhere else. if its been homebirths with a midwife, go to a hospital. plan a c-section in advance, you can even pick the date and time and all that stuff. take classes.

talk to your ob/gyn about your concerns. he'll be able to talk to you about all the risks and find out if you are at risk for anything.