is that too young for a child ? ( i was raped thats how i conceived her i bacame pregnant by someone i dont know i dont believe in abortions hes in jail now and every now and then my baby asks me who her daddy is what should i tell her( i dont know him)
2006-08-02 03:55:05 · 34 answers · asked by dedenumba1 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
That's heart-breaking, and you're a person of quality for taking on such a responsibility at such a young age.
I'd honestly ask a child psychologist what would be the least traumatic way to explain it so that it doesn't impact her development. You were raped by this man at an age that makes him a pedophile and a child molester - even if he claims a right to see you, which there's probably some monster of an attorney who'd defend him, I'd worry for the safety of your daughter.
I hope this man never, ever, comes close to your daughter or to you.
A child psychologist would help you help her understand so that she doesn't feel abandoned, unwanted, or otherwise adversely impacted by a man who doesn't deserve to be her daddy.
Best of luck to you while you continue with your schooling. I will pray daily for you two that you are able to finish high school, go to college, and have a good home for you and your daughter.
In Christ,
V17
2006-08-02 05:13:04 · answer #1 · answered by Veritatum17 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Yes it is way too young to tell her. You need to just say that she has a very good mommy and not to worry about daddy. Little kids aren't developed enough to understand that their father is in jail. In this situation I wouldn't even consider him a father, and I would never let him have anything to do with her. Since your young and will probably date other guys, I think its important not to involve your dating with your daughter because she will be easily confused and may become attached. I hope that someday you will find a man to love you and your daughter, and he will become the father she always deserved.
I would wait until she is 12 - 14 years old before you explain the full situation, but until then just explain that some people have mommies and daddies and some people just have one or the other but that doesn't make her any less special, or any less loved.
2006-08-02 04:00:30 · answer #2 · answered by tustudent 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could think of a cute nickname and stick with that. Naya might work.
I totally respect your descision for keeping the child. That took guts and you should be very proud. Your child will be grateful for this for the rest of her life. Because of you there is new life on the Earth that is here to stay.
Your baby probably wont understand if you tell her the truth now. Later, when she grows up you should tell her, but for now convince her that you love her very much. Say that her daddy wasn't nice to you so he isn't around anymore. She will understand but if she asks you what he did, tell her "he just hurt my feelings".
I wish you the best of luck.
2006-08-02 04:16:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear that sweet pea. Hang in there, I have been the victim of abuse several times. If no one told you, it's not your fault.
I have two children by my ex-husband that supports them financially but not emotionally, so they ask for their father from time to time.
I would tell her partially the truth. That you do not know who her father is. Kids remember EVERYTHING. If you start off sugar coating things you will have to tell her lies for the rest of her life. And when she gets old enough to get the truth she will be angry at you for holding back.
I would tell her that her father was a man you met a long time ago and things did not work out well. That he is now in jail for some bad things he did and you do not know him. Let her know her father has some healing to do and you are not sure if she will ever know him but when she is ready to search for him, and she is older and can understand what you're saying that you will let her know more.
Trust me, kids understand a lot more than you think. And she will ask you again who her father is. As she matures she will understand and she will respect you for being honest with her.
Let me know how it goes
Diva
2006-08-02 04:05:34 · answer #4 · answered by black_bi_diva 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are young and you've not had an easy time.
You can be honest with her - children are very good at only "hearing what they are ready for".
What her father did was VERY wrong, but she needs to know. Finding out the truth later could hurt her much more.
At this stage - you can tell her that you don't know who her father is. You can tell her he was not a good man. You can tell her you love her more than anything in the world.
Be prepared for her to ask "Why is he bad?"
One option is to say "He made me do something I didn't want. He made me very sad. But you are here now to make me happy again."
2006-08-02 04:05:56 · answer #5 · answered by chocolette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i feel very bad for u and yes 13 is too young for a baby.when she asks u,u really should tell the truth.its a lot better than a string of lies.just say,''a man i dont know did a very bad thing (here comes the birds and the bees conversation) but i luv u and dont care anymore because you're worth it.'' she might not understand at first,but in time she will.at least you'll leave knowing you told the truth.
2006-08-02 04:03:27 · answer #6 · answered by lexa (: 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just read thru all the questions you posted and it seems to me you are full of it.
One post you asked if 17 is too young for a baby because you want a baby.
In one post you are seeking out boys for sex.
My goodness I know it is summer time and you teens get bored but to come on here posting invalid questions and such on a public website is such a waste of time.
Have you heard of the little boy who cried wolf?
Stop lying, get a summer job and do something constructive with your teen life.
2006-08-02 04:34:44 · answer #7 · answered by Coast2CoastChat.com 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her the truth. I know that it sounds cruel, but if you explain to her that you will always love her and it is not her fault who her dad is than it should be OK. I have known people with the same problem. They were honest and the child is fine with it as much as they can be. It is hard on all children who don't know their father/mother, but if they are loved by the people around them, then they should be fine. Good Luck.
2006-08-02 03:59:58 · answer #8 · answered by gin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Excuse the first idiot that responded to you. I am so sorry this has happened to you. Best you can do at this time is love your child and always be supportive of her. The question will not go away however, but tell her the truth when she is at the age of understanding.
2006-08-02 04:00:54 · answer #9 · answered by Pinolera 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your family thought it was ok for a 13 y/o to take care of a baby?!? did they even bring up adoption?
but besides that, yes, its too young for a child. and you should tell your daughter the truth so that she knows that the world is dangerous and not to trust everyone so openly. you both should confront him in jail.
2006-08-02 04:01:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋