How do I..should I overcome trust issues?

Question

Married for 7 years together for 10. 2001 he came in contact w/friend whom he had sexual relationship with. I didn't have a problem w/it until she bagan calling him at "odd" hours I advsd him of my feelings, then found out he lied about speaking to her, she even showd up at our house unannounced-forgave him for this.2nd time 2003 he told me he was at class -a evening class, I happened to ride past the house of one of my girlfriends friends house- and his car in her driveway- said nothing going on he just needed someone to talk to--didn't believe him but anyway -after a long time forgave him. This time I was snooping I admit- cause I still don't believe he is faithful, I found e-mails to a former co worker talking about sexual stuff they want to do to each other- when kept asking me what was wrong I told him what I found he said it was all a joke and that he's not attracted to this woman. I have really tried to forgive and forget but the same scenarios keep happening.

thanks for the quick responses- I am at work alone and this is on my mind heavy today- I did leave - the past 2 night my kids have stayed at a hotel, I took his daughter w/us last night. I am scared to leave cause I really have no place to go or money to do it with but scared to stay cause I can't handle this anymore. He keeps saying he needs someone to talk to and that I don't understand him so he seeks it from other people-- funny they are always women. He used to say I didn't want to have sex enough or spend time or talk w/him I have tried--at least i thought to be more sexy- wearing more attractive clothes out and to bed keeping my hair done, trying to initiate sex more- even being a little freakier - . I am currently seeing a counselor to help me sort out things and I was going to ask him to go. we are currently in a bankruptcy case, I am flat broke and have no place to go.

Answer 1

Wow, you sound pretty co-dependent. Even after the repeated betrayals, you continue to stick you head in the sand hoping he'll someday change.

He doesn't sound like he respects your feelings or your relationship. I know it's so easy for us to say leave him so i'm not. You know your situation and you know what you can and can't deal with. If it's tearing you up inside out each and every day, you need to do what's best for you. You can't live your life in misery.

Good luck to you. Maybe you guys need some counseling.

Answer 2

Girl. I am so sorry. I feel your pain. My hubby has a porn addiction and has also cheated on me. It got to the point where I woke up one morning and just hated him. It happened over night. In my case he was always telling me to leave and it seemed like he kept doing things. The minute I acted like I didnt want to be with him anymore, He was all worried and has been kissing my butt ever since. I have not forgiven him and still feel like leaving but it is hard especially when you have kids. I also have 2 kids. Why did you leave? He should be the one leaving. You shouldnt have taken the kids out of their environment. Go home and tell him to leave and then the courts will decide. The fact that he let you leave and take his kids out of their home is disturbing. The courts will make him leave until everything is final if that is the decision you are leaning more towards. If you stay now and dont trust him, that non trust will end up turning into hate and discust. When that happens it may be to late for you to find happiness. That is my predicament. I feel like I am still young enough to find happiness somewhere else. If I dont leave now then what will happen 5-10 years from now? I have been through what you are and I hate to say it but I dont think he is going to change. A leapord cannot change its spots and I truely believe that once they have cheated on you they will do it again. Maybe they will learn their lesson with their next relationship but it wont with yours. He is also feeding you bs when saying that his conversation is nothing with his co-worker. He wouldnt be saying it to her if he didnt want it or didnt mean it. Of coarse he will tell you that it is innocent or whatever else he said. He is not going to admit that to you. Girl go home, tell his *** to leave and you stay in that house until the courts decide who gets what. He will have to pay you support for the kids and alimony for cheating. He will end up losing and you will find happiness somewhere else. Do it before it is too late. You are not getting any younger. I hope this helps. You can send me a message and I will be happy to talk or give you some more advice or just listen. Good luck and I wish you the best.
Kimmy

Answer 3

Don't you have family? I think you should swallow your pride for a few weeks and look for a relative or a friend you could stay with until you have enough deposit saved up for a tiny apt.

At least you have a job, so that's a good thing. But no need to be scared about this whole stituation, the only think you can do is move forward. He's a jerk for putting the blame on you and not taking accountability for his actions. It was good going on your part to leave him.

Good luck.

Answer 4

You're depending too much on him. Every reason you have to not leaving him is fear. You should look for a better life for you and your kids.
On the other hand, I know how hard this could be. Try to get out of this relationship (you always can get some job or a place) but even if you can or not, get some help. There are many free counselors.
Anyway, you'r not alone. Everybody here simpatize you.

Answer 5

If it keeps happening then what is that telling you? It's going to keep happening. He is not wlling to be faithful to your marriage, and that just won't work. Not only is it embarassing for you to have your husband talking to your coworkers about sexual matters, it can also be potentially dangerous. There are too many things out there nowa days that you can't take that risk of getting. Don't play rush n roulette with your life. It's time to bring the pot off the stove and dump the water, because if not it's going to overflow and you may do something stupid, or out of revenge. Neither is good.

Answer 6

I have more then my share of experience in this. My had an affair on me. All I can say on the matter is to take a moment allow and really think about what you want. If you really love that person then take your time and talk things out. Do not get mad and fight about the affair but ask them why they went looking some where else. It will help if you really want to work things out. The other thing is that you have to forgive them but you don't have to forget about it. The hardest thing to do is not to throw it in there face. All that does is makes them mad. If you truly love him them take one day at a time but both of you have to want it just not you.

Answer 7

I feel sorry for you! Why would you keep forgiving this so called husband when he is playing games with your head? You have the passed things he's did too mess your relationship up and you go along with it. He is not a husband at all! He's a snake in the grass hurting whom ever he pleases. Get rid of him, for good and find that person who will be true to you. Cocoa

Answer 8

He is up to no good and is making a fool of you behind your back infront of all those people. Sad to say but you need to get rid of him. You are a very trusting person and you deserve someone much better than him. It will be very difficult for you to trust him again even if he did become the "Perfect Husband", which probably won't happen. Sorry.

Answer 9

Trust is something that you cant get back once it is broken. Once you forgive does not mean you forget. Every little thing he does will remind you of the pain. You are best off taking a break for a while and going from there

Answer 10

u cant keep cking on him at some point u have to figure hes the looser if he is cheating, trust has been broken, cant be fixed with out one of u loosing, been married 35 years, have had same problem. just go on with things and stay faithful to ur values, it will eventually show if he is lying to u, because if u give him enough rope he will hang himself. and then he will be the wrong one and not u for being the suspicious wife.