I went back to my bf last night again who doesnt work, has abused me, god, I felt so good the night before when I stayed with a friend in the morning not to look at him, be in his presence. I just dont want a relationship at all, I want to be alone, I dont care at this point if he got a job, I want to be free. Yet I cant break up with him, did anybody ever have this problem. Then rent is due, which I'm gonna have to pay, and I just want out, I dont want to spend any more money, nothing, yet I'm thinking about just paying it, and WHAT ANOTHER MONTH OF MISERY.. Any suggestions??
2006-08-02 03:08:35 · 11 answers · asked by ms.mary 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Give notice to your landlord and kiss your deposit goodbye in lieu of paying the rent... save the money, stay with friends while you find a new place... maybe a studio with a lease that says ONLY you can live there, so you won't be tempted to let him move in when he comes crawling and begging for another chance.
Change your e-mail address, any bank accounts he even MIGHT have any info about, Change your cell #, pay the extra buck a month to have your new home number unlisted, get a post office box so you do not have to have your home address on any accounts.
Contact your local women's shelter and join the support group.
Just break it off cold turkey, it will hurt like major surgery, but you'll feel loads better in no time flat.
2006-08-02 03:27:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have a few suggestions for you:
1. Don't pay the rent, if he's got a job now, great-while he's there pack your stuff and ask your friend if you can stay with them while you save some money and move into your own place.
2. Sit down in a quiet place and remember the pain. You are not the only one, but most women tend to forget the pain that someone has put them through. The good times are wonderful and he's fine now, but those painful times that you are going to remember, they are coming back.
3. You have two very conflicting feelings going on inside you. You went back to this man, but you don't really want to be there with him. You need to ask yourself why that is-do you really want to be with him but you're angry?, do you think that you will not find anyone else?, do you think that you are in love with him and don't want to admit it?, or do you think that you can change him now that he has a job? You need to know the answer to this because it will give you perspective on yourself, the situation and help you to stay away from him.
4. Once you have done all of this, make sure that you get your emotions out. That does not mean that I want you to start breaking stuff-it means that you should talk about it if you need to, cry, scream-whatever. But most women in your situation have a lot of emotion inside them that no one ever tells them they need to get rid of.
I hope this helps.
2006-08-02 03:27:36 · answer #2 · answered by writeroftheyear1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you see is what you get. I don't think we're talking months of this dysfunctional relationship, but years. Is this the way you want to spend your life? People don't change without self reflection and need. You are in pain and available to think about why you are worth so little as to put up with this situation. Love is a strong feeling that shouldn't be the only guide for your decisions. Your feelings should be put into the context of the actual reality experience you are having and will likely continue to have. We can find people to love and be loved by and have an enjoyable life too. You do not deserve the situation that you are in.
2006-08-02 03:22:11 · answer #3 · answered by DrB 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to let go and cut the cord forever. It is painful but it needs to be done. You are caring and like to take responsibility but look what you have done to him and yourself!!! He abuses you and you feel bad. Stay alone for a while till you recover from the stress of this breakup and then you can look at life afresh.
Sometimes surgery is a better solution than remaining in a wounded relationship. You may take the help of a mature friend or family member who can guide you through this painful separation. You have to plan it well and execute your decision carefully over a period of time. You need to close all joint accounts etc so that your money is safe. So many other things to take care of and you may need professional help. Don't walk out in a huff.
2006-08-02 03:17:01 · answer #4 · answered by StraightDrive 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No suggestion for the immediate problem but my sense is that you need help dealing with the conflict between what your head tells you to do and what you think you'll end up doing. You KNOW what you need to do. Do you fear what will happen when you do what you know you need to do? What is it that paralyzes you? Do you fear being "alone"? (Sounds like you are alone or want to be alone now.) Get that fear out in the open and let it overwhelm you a bit, grieve if you need to, and you're likely to be refreshed and feel better after. There is a line from Shakespeare that comes to mind: "Screw your courage to the sticking point, and we'll not fail." Breaking up is hard to do.
2006-08-02 03:18:18 · answer #5 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in the exact same position! I had to leave because I felt that he was not giving me enough...and even after I left he said that he will find someone better and that I wont but you know what it doesnt matter because I know that I am better than that. If you know what you want from life weather it be success of happiness and he's not giving it to you....just leave and trust me its soooooooooo hard. but you will get over it because living with him will make things worse. Dont think about him at all.. when i think of my ex i say a prayer. and i surround myself with positive people who remind me of how special i am....also.... do not pay the rent, if you're leaving tell him he's on his own....if you need more advice just let me know i have been there
2006-08-02 03:33:36 · answer #6 · answered by AnimalCrossing 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
leave him~ thats the best advice any one can give. it doesn't get any better from here, in fact he may kill you someday. you are better off alone.
~do you really want for your mother to have to be looking down at your grave?
~how do you think your father would feel if he knew that this s.o.b. is beating on his daughter?
~what if you have kids someday~ do you want your little girl/ boy thinking this kind of behavior is acceptable?
either HE will be an abuser, or SHE will be the one being abused. this is not o.k. for kids to see, and staying together for the kids isn't necessarily what's best for the kids.
it isn't so hard being alone rather than have someone to devalue you and your existence. lose that ZERO before he does something really horrible, and chances are that he will.~
2006-08-02 03:25:43 · answer #7 · answered by breezy b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just leave. Don't go back. If your name isn't on the lease and there was no formal agreement, don't pay the rent. If it was, pay it and still move on. That way you can cut your losses and move on.
Don't stay in an unhappy situation. Only you can live your life for you.
2006-08-02 03:19:21 · answer #8 · answered by Hpnotiq 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep your money and leave, go find your own place and a man who acts like a man.
2006-08-02 03:16:57 · answer #9 · answered by J P 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep your money and leave. And don't go back to him every again. He sounds like a real bum. Move on.
2006-08-02 03:14:53 · answer #10 · answered by Gasman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋