My Wife is thinking of divorce when I get home...........?

Question

I am on deployment and it's down to weeks until I come home. I cheated on my wife just before I left for deployment. I later confessed. If you will look back, you will see other questions I have asked. I'm doing some soul searching. I really want to work this out with her, and I know I am a dog. So please lets save the slaming me for being a cheater. I got slamed in all the other questions. The question is, what can I do right now to make it better for her, and what can I do to try and help keep us together both now and when I get home. I already have plans for coulseling, but what else can I do to try and work this out for the long term. She is not talking to me much, and with out hounding her I am trying to keep comuication open. I really didn't know how much I do love her, until I messed up. Oh yea, Thanks for all the help on the others questions. This is kind of like the family I never had.

Answer 1

THAT IS HARD. I DON'T THINK I COULD FORGIVE MY HUSBAND IF HE CHEATED ON ME. I'D PROBABLY KICK HIS @SS TO THE CURB. WHY DID YOU CHEAT TO BEGIN WITH? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU LOVE HER LIKE YOU SAY YOU DO. CAUSE IF YOU DID YOU WOULD OF NEVER BETRAYED HER, YOU WOULDN'T OF EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT IT, LET ALONE DID IT. ALL YOU CARED ABOUT WAS YOU. MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST LET HER DIVORCE YOU SO SHE CAN FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL REALLY LOVE AND RESPECT HER. HOPEFULLY YOU HAVE LEARNED YOUR LESSON.

Answer 2

My ex-husband cheated on me...with several women. After I left him, I found out that he had cheated on his first wife with me. I never imagined how much it would linger with me. It has been well over two years, and I still feel like I was abandoned. I do not have any magic answers for you, but I could try and give a few tips. The most important thing is HONESTY...well to some degree. First, remind yourself of all the wonderful times you had when you were courting eachother. Remember all the little things she did that drove you nuts. Refresh yourself on why you wanted to spend the rest of your life with her. Then, take these memories and feelings, and share them with her. Let her know that you want to grow old with her. Show her that you are hurting inside. You need to break down in order for her to begin to see you as her husband, rather than the man that broke her heart. Follow through with counseling. If she is not interested in it, go to therapy by yourself. Ditch the friends and bad behaviors that make her second guess your intentions of changing. Do everything you can to be a better husband. If you are sincere, she will come around. If you are trying to save the marriage because you screwed up and don't want your family and friends to see that you failed, it won't work. Let her know everything you are feeling. Let her know that you did treat her like crap, and that you are sad and scared for your future. Be vulnerable. On the 'don't be so honest' end of it... DO NOT turn this around on her. The more you tell her that things she did 'made' you act a certain way, the more you might as well start looking for a new place to live. Even if she did hurtful things (which most likely she has...as in ANY marriage), do not throw it back at her, because the bottom line is that you were the one who was unfaithful. I wish you the best of luck. You give me hope!

Answer 3

well, i was in your wife's situation several years ago, only i was also in the service. I deployed, he cheated. Anywhooo, if she really does have an ounce of love for you, then you might still have a chance.
I would say the most important thing is that you don't communicate with the person whom you cheated on your wife with. Your wife is feeling very hurt and betray and that shlts hurts, man. I hope you send her flowers every day and little things like that so she doesn't shut you out completely. Keep sending that with little "i'm an ******" notes and ask for her forgiveness. If you want her to consider you again, you will have to be realize how bad you tore her heart out and ...I can't tell you exactly what to do with just do whatever you can to let her know that you are very, very, very sorry for being an idiot. Start looking around for a bigger rock, too. that worked for Kobe, i know you got that deployment money so put it towards winning her back. Also, if she has any friends, talk to her friends and also let them know that you were a fool. I'm sure they will relay that to her. Don't give up easily if you truly love her. Don't be a dumb-A and start talking to other women for comfort either.

Answer 4

For one thing, you are going to have to earn her trust back! After cheating on her and then confronting her with it, you not only looked like an @ss to her, but you also made her feel like an @ss her self!!! You men don't seem to realize just what you really do to a woman's heart when you do this kind of $hit to her! Especially when she has been devoted to you for years! I never could understand why a man needs to cheat on his wife! You guys have the complete package at home( This is also for women as well! There are a lot of women that do the same to men)!!!!
I could never understand why cheating on the other spouse had ever existed! If you are feeling that there is going to be a flaw in your marriage, or if you are still interested in finding out about how someone else would be in the sack! THEN YOU SHOULD NOT MAKE A COMMITMENT THAT YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO KEEP!!!! I am not slamming only you! This is for everyone!!!!
Marriage is a Precious & Sacred Honor For Everyone To Share & Keep! If you truly Love her and you want her back then you are going to have to prove it to her!
Good Luck!!!!

Answer 5

ohhh you really didn't know how much you do love her until you messed it up????????

Dude, you married this woman and only woman that you can have sex telling her much you love her and work it out and solve the plm.. Cheating is not the answer dude. and I think she is going to end the marriage because you not a man enough to fix the plm. together, but you go out cheating on your wife before you deployment....

Dude, you screwed big time. You know why I never once cheating on my wife for 9 years ???? do you know why???? I man enough to make this marriage to work and I am not looking for easy to bang a woman, looking for a way around...... I work so hard we do have bad and good up and down and all that. But I talk about it and make this marriage work. You just blew it dude, but at least you honest with her. now you have to face the fact you blew it.

I don't care how many time you asking this question or how many time you try to look for answer, your answer already been said many times. My wife told me if cheating on me once don't care it over ended. I am not willing to have sex with any women. to ruin marriage for that stupid thing?

I don't understand what other woman have than your wife? and you really planing for coulseling??? wow, that good plan... ohh god you kind of like the family you ever had did you ever think about that when you married her and bang othe woman and then you didn know how much you love her uintil you bang that woman? wow Very very man of you... why don't you go up to her and say Honey I have a plmand I want this marriage to work and I don't know what to do and I need your help.. She will be so damn glad to help and make this marriage work.. but your answer was bang other woman. I am so sorry for being blunt with you.

This is my family I ever dream of and I will be damn to make this last of lifetime. If your wife can't have sex anymore something happen and you going to leave her becsue you don't fix and you don't follwo the vows you did in this wedding day... wow.

GOOD LUCK. By the way thank you for making american safe. not your wife.

Answer 6

Well i will be honest i think i was one that slammed you in a previous question on the cheating because i know how it feels and what your wife is going through right now.I do respect you for actually confessing to her most men wouldnt.im glad to see that you finally realize how much you messed up and how much she means to you and are willing to do anything to prove it.If she is dead set on divorce thats what she will do.The councelling is a good idea that may help u guys reconsile or at least figure out why you thought it nessicary to cheat.Other then that you probaly have alot of butt kissing to do to try and make up for your indescretions.You need to talk to your wife and tell her yo made a horrible mistake and you cant live with out her just lay it on tell her everything.But even doing this and if she decides to try and work it out remember its going to take along while for you to gain her trust back.And she will always wonder what you are doing and with who esspeccially when you are deployed.I wish you guys the best of luck
ps-thanks for fighting for our country too- lots of love

Answer 7

ok your wife is probably thinking if you ever loved her, how could you cheat. well you need to think of how you would feel if you were the one who was cheated on. just tell her everything you feel about what you did and be patient because that isn't something your wife can just forget. it will take her time to heal and to forgive you. if she wants it to work and she truly loves you, she may forgive you and continue your life together but that may not be a guarantee. if she does stay with you i truly hope it works out for the best and make sure you never make th same mistake twice.

Answer 8

It very hard to recover from cheating in a relationship. No matter what you do now she is already hurt. And the only thing that can heal hurt is time. Explain to her what is go in on in your heart. When she asks you questions answer them honestly. No matter how hard it is don't give up. She may throw things up in your face but don't get frustrated. And in the end it may not be meant for you two to be together. Good Luck.

Answer 9

Fortunately, you are coming from a humble perspective. Unfortunately, your wife does not have the desire to communicate with you because she has been deeply hurt by your actions. If she won't listen to you talk perhaps you can pour your heart into a letter. Call her and tell her that you realize that she doesn't want to talk to you, but you would like to share some things with her and that you've put them into a letter. Ask her if she would please read what you've written. If she says she'd rather talk to you, you already have organized your thoughts in your letter and you can talk about it. Good luck.

Answer 10

That's tough to say. There really isn't much you can do when you're away. Try showing your love by sending her flowers, booking a spa package, things like that. You have to understand that you've taken her trust for you away and it's not going to be an easy fix should she decide to fix it. Good luck with everything though.