Ok im being deadly serious now one of my good mates husband is having an affair should i tell her?

Question

To " THE WORRIER" thats a shitty thing to say NO its not me and NO i dont want her to be unhappy but knowing her hubby is doing what hes doing is doing my head in all the answers are right but i just dont know what to do .. you sound like a right C--nt.. thanks for your input A r s e hole,,,

Answer 1

Maybe you should talk to him first and try to convince him to tell her.

Answer 2

This is a very tricky situation for you to be in, I think maybe you should put yourself in her shoes for a few days and see how you would feel about her telling you that very same thing, would you appreciate her honesty and still want her as a friend or would you rather she found out herself and came to you for comfort, I just don't know what I would do honestly, I know I have seen so many good and true friendships go belly up because they told the person of the affair, maybe you could have a word with her husband instead and ask him why hes been such a fool, hopefully he might be able to see what he is doing wrong and stop the affair and be honest with his wife himself, hope everything works out whatever you choose to do, good luck.

Answer 3

Hoo-Boy, here we go - what a pickle! The thing is, unless you have been looped in - meaning, unless you have been asked to participate in some way (like cover it up or keep quiet about it) then this is really not your business. I know, I know - it FEELS like your business because you care about your friend - but the truth of the matter is that it is not.

The real problem is that you are now in a no-win situation. Because no matter WHAT you do, you may well lose your friendship. Why ? Because if you keep your silence - because it isn’t your business - and the affair comes to light, AND your friend finds out you knew and didn’t tell her, she may well be hurt AND livid. (“You KNEW and you DIDN’T TELL ME ??!?!?!”)

On the other hand, if you tell her, you may also lose your friendship. Why again ? Because, generally, people do not like the bearers of bad news. Let’s say that you tell her, she confronts him, and they break up, then you will always be someone who knows that her husband cheated on her and you will always --- whether she knows this or not --- the person who revealed the information that broke up her marriage. (It’s a strange transference kind of thing, here - not that you are responsible, but you could easily become the reminder of that bad feeling.) And she may well begin to avoid you.

Let’s say that you tell her and she confronts him and he and she do NOT break up. Well, then you also run the serious risk of being the person that makes them BOTH uncomfortable. He won’t like being around you because you “told on him” and if she chose to stay with him, (and he is uncomfortable) then they will - as a couple - begin to avoid you. And if they, as a couple, begin to avoid you, then it is unlikely that she will be able to sustain an independent friendship with you. (Also, see preceding paragraph.)

So you have to be sure that you are willing to take this risk if you decide to tell her. You are pretty much between a rock and a hard place, but just remember that she may not thank you for telling her. You have to decide that - perhaps ultimately - the price for being a good friend and telling her what she needs to know is your friendship with her.

Answer 4

As others have said I would also recommend that you inform your good mate. Imagine this happening to you, would you expect you good mate to inform you? So if we put our feet inside the other person's shoes I'm pretty sure that the majority of people would consider this a true friend.

Your friend may be hurt at first and even resent the fact that you are spilling the beans to her. However; after a while she will certainly understand that you are informing her because you consider her a valuable friend and do not want to see her being made a fool of.

Best of luck with this serious problem and I hope that your good mate appreciates your honesty with her.

Answer 5

Either way, you're going to be the bad guy here. Been there, done that. Especially in the eyes of the husband. If you think you can do it, tell him you know and give him a time limit to quit the affair and clean up, or you'll tell her if he doesn't. In the mean time, she's being made a fool of. I would want to know if my husband was with someone else.

Answer 6

This is tricky because you have to be ready for her to be angry with you for trying to break up her marriage, especially if you're married or having any type of man trouble. Women are funny about such things, they'll accuse you of jealousy before they'll believe their man is cheating. Now, if you are ready for the drama that comes along with it, then go for it but make sure you're there to help her pick up the pieces of her broken life. She may already know, but just doesn't want to admit it to herself. Be subtle and caring don't be harsh and judgmental. I say tell her and make sure you can have some sort of proof. Be easy and hopefully she'll accept what you are telling her as the truth. Best Wishes and Good Luck!

Answer 7

If she is your 'good mate' then you have to tell her - that is what mates do!! But also be prepared to loose her if you do - sometimes we 'know' when our spouses are unfaithful but we will turn the other cheek. If she 'knows' already you will make her feel like a loser for not doing anything about it, by letting him, and you will be a reminder of her inability to deal with it. Also on the other hand if she finds out another way, and then finds out YOU knew and said nothing you will lose her!! Friends are supposed to help us through life - help her when she needs it most - now!

Answer 8

I don't think your friend is going to want to hear that from you , she may be in self denial, you may loose a good friend. I would talk to her husband and let him no what you no and make it clear to him that if he doesn't tell her that you will. The problem is that you will have to confront him now as the longer you leave it the worse it will become. Your good friend will want to know if you knew and for how long so be careful, she trusts you, and shes probably going to need a shoulder to cry on so good luck

Answer 9

Think long and hard before you do.
Make sure you have all the facts absolutely straight and that there isn't the slightest chance you could be wrong.

If you are sure, why not confront him first. If you think their marriage is basically a good one Tell him to get his act together fast!!

If you still feel you need to tell her, be prepared to take the flack... she may not like you much for a while. But be there for her when she needs you ...

Answer 10

Honestly if you want to ruin her life and his go for it. If not let your friend find out on her own. This is one of those secrets you should take to your grave if you Love your friend. Most men and women make mistakes and get married not knowing what it truly means. I have never cheated on my wife in the past 14 years and never will but I will tell you most men and women are not as strong or as dedicated to there relationships as my wife and I are. So just continue to be your mates mate..

Answer 11

I have been in this situation and I told the wife, the result was complete denial and we are no longer friends. I would talk to the husband and ask him if its a serious thing or just a fling. Tell him you know and that other people know , tell him to finish the affair or he has to tell his wife about it.

I know it stinks but I would keep well out of it myself.