Why is it that "people" assume being in a relationship with children means that its sacrifice?

Question

I asked this question http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AkiAcjZB9EilRcKRxMeHgvnsy6IX?qid=20060801142456AAgImsu and I got a lot of responses although I was disturbed by a few answers. It was suggested that because I am a mother (I have 1 child) and am in a relationship with some one with children, that it is a luxury to get my hair, nails, and feet done! However I could do that if I cut back on spending money on him and his children, I am tired of being "nice" and spending money when he won't even follow up with the courts to have their mother pay the child support which at present is $10,000! She has never paid a cent! Also if it were just he and I and he received the support he could get ahead a bit! Plus his 18 year old just moved in with us and he's not in school nor does he have intentions for college and my fiance still pays his mother child support for him! He claims that since he has one still living with her if he did go to court to drop it, they would increase it!

However, just because he has obligations to those children doesn't mean "our" relationship has to suffer. I myself believe that you can spice up the relationship on a minimal budget but I refuse to live like a old house wife! It's 2006 and I don't believe any woman should be a rag a muffin!

Answer 1

I understand exactly what you mean even if everyone else doesn't. This is not about how much money you spend, this is about your fiance's obligations that he is not taking care of. His obligation is to make sure that his children are provided for-that includes making sure that their mother is paying child support. And you know that if it was the other way around that she would be taking him for everything he has. As far as him not going to court because they might raise child support on him-I don't believe that because if she is in arrears for 10 g's, she is not getting anymore money until she pays that, so tell him to go to court and get the money.

My husband also has children and he does pay child support, but that does not affect what I do, I wouldn't let it and neither would my husband. Both me and my husband makes sure that our finances take care of his children and take care of us (not that we do that much, but still). It is not my fault that he chose to have sex with some woman and have children with her, that is his responsibility. Now, I have taken care of the children before and I will continue to do so, but I am not going to let it break me and take away the things I want and neither should you.

Your only course of action is to discuss this with your fiance and let him know exactly how you feel. And don't listen to people who tell you that you are a gold-digger or that you are selfish-you're not. A gold-digger doesn't pay her own way-she looks for someone else to do it for her. That is not what you are talking about. All you want is to be able to do the things that you enjoy-if you can help take care of the kids at the same time, then that is great. But if you have to sacrifice because your fiance has a lazy son and a trifling baby's mama, you should not be the one suffering, because I guarantee you that they are not.

Do not feel bad about this or think that you are a horrible person. All you want is what is fair. You don't want to be pampered, you want to have a comfortable life and I say to all women if the person in your life isn't contributing to that, tell them to step up or step out.

Sorry it's so long, but I had a lot to say.

Answer 2

You are right. You should be able to get your nails done and your hair done once in a while. There is no excuse for his failing to meet his legal obligations. He is legally obligated to inform the court that his ex wife isn't paying support for the children he has custody of. And there is no reason for his paying child support of the child that is living with you now. The court will not tell him that he must pay more.. that is ridiculous for him to even suggest such a thing. He is not meeting his obligations in your relationship. He should be making the 18 year old get a job of his own, take the mother of that child back to court for support, and if he isn't on assistance of any kind he needs to contact support kids. They will get the back child support for him before the court system does. If he can't keep up his end of things... you need to find a way to let this man go. He needs to learn how to organize and take care of his life. You can't do it for him or he will never learn to do it for himself!

Answer 3

Girlfriend, you have your head up your wallet and your only thought is about money. You know that's sort of pitiful. You get what you deserve when you're a gold-digger.