Should i have another child even though i am not in a healthy relationship?

Question

My partner and i have been together for 4 years and we have a wonderful 3 year old son and we are starting to wonder about having a second. I do not want him to be a only child nor do i want to be a hugh age gap between kids. But my partner can be cold and very hurtful towards me and can be controlling especially with money. Should i have another child even though i don't think i want to be with him for the rest of my life? I don't want my son to be lonely. I know in playgroups he will find friends but nothing like the closeness of a brother or sister. please help i am unsure what to do

Answer 1

being an only child is hardly a death sentence... it wont hurt your child to not have siblings...

it is possible that if your partner has these tendancies he may have a personality disorder, perhaps even narcissistic personality disorder, if so the way to make him less controlling is to give him lots of confidence in himself and even give him even more control but only do this if you are sure of yourself....

you ca encourage him into counselling by telling him that you know how much he loves you and how much you love him and that you have some problems you'd like some help with but you really need him to be there for you.... because only he undersands you and can really help you...

but seriously another child wont make things better for anyone most of all the child you already have and the one you may have.

Answer 2

My daughter just recently lost her boyfriend of 7 years with 2 kids. It is a very heavy burden on her. Her boyfriend was the same way. He was cold and didn't care about what he said to her and he was very controlling, DON'T do it. If you want more children now, leave him and find someone else. There is 8 years between my 2 children and everything has worked out fine, she is 23 and he is 15. I wouldn't change it for the world. I had all my time to give a baby the attention they need. Your son will not be lonely, have you thought about a daycare a couple days a week or a playgroup you can join? Even preschool since he is 3.

Answer 3

I understand why you want to have another child, but I don't think that it's a good idea with your relationship the way that it is. I guess the question that I would ask you is if you have another child and you do decide to leave your partner, are you prepared to be a single mom-financially, emotionally and mentally? That is what you have to think about. Your son right now, might not know the difference about having a brother or sister. You might be projecting what you think that he needs on to what he actually does need. I get the sense that you really love your son and wants what is best for him, and to add another child to an already rocky situation probably will not help you, your partner, your son or your child to be. Really think about the consequences of having another child and what that means for all of you including the unborn child before you and your partner make a decision. And when it comes time to discuss it, be honest with yourself-don't give into the fantasy; everybody loves fantasy, but they don't really like living there.

Answer 4

Make sure that before making this decision, you first need to check how secure you are with your financials and 2 If I were you I wouldn't mind having a second child if that the case of age gap or being afraid of not having another child at the right time. Do what makes you happy after all you are the one who knows the situation around you and your partner.

Good luck

Answer 5

Are you out of your mind, honey? Having a baby for those reasons are not even close to being valid. You're talking about another person here! Why bring a kid in a relationship that's floundering, at best. He will resent you more and the child. You're 3 yr. old is better off playing with the kids down the street or cousins. Stay on the Pill for everybodies sake!

Answer 6

You might consider whether it is more hurtful for your son to be an only child, bent or damaged by being raised by parents with an unhealthy relationship vs. raising two children bent or damaged by being raised by parents in an unhealthy relationship. To me, it's a no brainer. You may think you can raise an emotionally healthy boy in an unhealthy family. You cannot. Never happens.
The reason I say that is that your son is learning (has already learned) that it is OK for a parent to abuse the other. That is a terrible thing for a beautiful child to learn. Let me be even more blunt. Where did you learn that it was OK for a marriage partner to abuse the other?

Answer 7

Why put another child throw a bad relationship...spacing kids out isn't all that bad.. my daughter is 4 and son is 8. It isn't all that bad.Plus it is a second thing to tie you two together for the rest of your lives. Use you judgment and think before you leap. So just wait to see what a few years bring and then decide. Good luck

Answer 8

Its more important to raise children in a nurturing environment than to have them be close in age. Kids make friends at school and there's no guarantee that your kids will be friends, have the same interests, or even want to be around each other socially. Get your son into after school activities and have his friends come over for play times and sleep overs.

No kid will ever say "yeah my parents fought all the time, and rage filled my house, but they gave me a brother to play with so I can't complain."

Answer 9

You are in a unhealthy relationship and you want to bring a child into THAT? He is cold, distant and controlling. Do you want to teach your children these traits? Your son can and will make friends. I suggest you consider moving on. Find someone who is caring, thoughtful and respectful. It just does not make sense to bring a child into the world in a cold harsh relationship.

Good Luck.............

Answer 10

Get yourself and your child out of this bad situation. It is MUCH WORSE for him to live with a control freak ather than for him to be an only child. Get out. Now. You might find a loving person to have another child with someday, but getting out of the bad relationship is the first step. And only children are usually fine - maybe better off than those with siblings. Certainly better off than those living with a cold and hurtful father. Get counseling if you need it, but GET OUT!