How do I tell my boyfriend of 3 years I want to get engaged soon?

Question

We've been together about 3 years and we're happy and I love him more and more everyday. I'm 21 and I want to wait until I'm out of college to get married, but I want to get engaged sooner. I want to know that I'm his one & only, but how do I tell him without maybe scaring him? I don't want him to think I'm moving too fast, I just think I'm ready. I think its fair for him to know that I want a marriage and kids eventually, I'm just afraid he won't feel the same way...

I've got a job as an accountant at a installation company and he is an inventory manager at a car dealership, so we both make pretty good money. I just want to know we are going to go farther.

Answer 1

first you have been together for three years I'm pretty sure he loves you as much as you love him. second try asking him how he would feel about getting engaged and getting married after you finish college remember you have been together for three years I'm sure he won't scare that easily third listen, listen, listen, to what he is saying I'm not saying except his answer but listen and respond marriage is a life long commitment and it takes a lot of listening and understanding on both your parts I'm sure things will work out

Answer 2

I can understand the concept of wanting to get engaged but I am 33 too. It's a nice feeling to know that marriage is in the future and that you're not being taken for granted or advantage of. Men are getting more than women these days because women tend to give too much too soon. However, being engaged can also be a term for "buy me a ring" these days. I would love to have one from my boyfriend because of what it signifies between us and other people but after being in two terrible marriages, there's no way in highwater I would bring it up to another man let alone drag him into a jewelry store. That is not tasteful & that is begging for something that really means little. If a man doesn't want you enough to ask on his own, then he doesn't want you that much and its far better to be with a man who wants you as much as you want him. Be careful how you approach this issue. If he hasn't even talked about getting married by now and you are this anxious then I'd break up with him and if he ever asks why just say "you're in a time of your life right now where you want more out of life and the relationship you are in. Tell him you love him but you feel that your life is staying the same the older you get." Of course you are still young. I don't think I'd tell my daughter to consider marriage before she's 30 today. People change too much in a short period of time. At your young age, people want the picket white fence, the marriage, the house, the baby, and whole nine yards. They don't know the concept of what love is and they wake up one day in dissapointment. Rarely is this how life goes today simply because living in the times alone is hard. They don't know enough about living life nor do they realize how much they as people will change by the time they hit 30. At 30 people start to re-evaluate things. If your guy wants you, he will ask. If your guy doesn't want you, he will keep you until he's found "the one" or until you get fed up with waiting. That's usually how it goes. Good luck with the choice you make.

Answer 3

You need to have a talk with him no matter what. What if he does not want any kids, then what are you going to do? If you are ready to get married to him or engaged to him then you should be able to talk about those things. Ask him where he sees the two of you in the next year or so. That will lead into the question of marriage. I think that is the best aproach. If he gets scared talking to you about this then you need to reevaulate your relationship and see if it is even worth it. Or you could just get him drunk! Then get him talkin! My husband and I first talked about it when he was a little tipsy, I think we were both a little nervous about it. After that it was easy! If you only want to get engaged so that you have a pretty ring on, don't forget that there is a lot of responsibility that comes with that ring!
Good luck!

Answer 4

First-if you are not 100% sure that you are currently his one and only, I would lose this mindset of marriage with him.

But, if you have no reason to believe he'd do that, then you are already his one and only. He's with you and it must be for a good reason.

Don't point out rings-there's no subtly in that. It's out of the blue and completely unexpected-every man I know says they've ditched girls QUICK for doing that. If you happen to walk past a jewelry store-linger and see what happens. If he pulls you away-don't say a word BUT I think you should talk to him about your feelings BEFORE you go asking for a ring. Tell him you'd like to know what his feelings are too. Make sure you don't put a lot of emphasis on the getting engaged part. If he's not ready-it'll scare him no matter what. You need to express yourself but you also need to listen when HE talks. There could be more subtle suggestions as to how he feels and he may not be as straightforward as you. Of course-you can always make it a light conversation-such as when you see elderly people holding hands or something-you could lightly ask-do you ever hope you'll have that with someone or do you think WE would ever get to that point?

Also, you'll need to prepare yourself mentally for the possibility that he doesn't want more than what you have or that it may take him a lot longer to feel the same way you do about marriage. If he's very adamant about not going further, you'll have to decide if you want to be happy with him in your current relationship state or if you'll be happier going through the whole dating scene to find someone to marry. Guys usually come around sonner or later and it's usually worth the wait.

The decision to be engaged isn't just based on how you feel. It's got to be a mutual decision and only when both parties clearly and expressly feel the same way.

Answer 5

After three years in in a relationship you must had had enough time to study each other and find out if you are ready to go for the long haul with each other. You feel that you are now ready to take the relationship to a new level as you have made your choice of partner which choice you are happy with. The only way to know whether he feels the same way is to have an honest talk with him about it, sit him down and open up to him talk to him, ask him to be honest. And if he has not made his mind after three years whether he is ready to settle down with you then am afraid the guy may not be commitment material. Asking him after three years of a steady relationship about settling down with you is not moving too fast, it is fair for him to let you know his plans for the relationship.Talk to him girl I hope you have that ring on your finger soon, followed closely by wedding bells.

Answer 6

wouldnt you rather know now that he is not on the same page as you?
if youve been together for 3yrs, and youre both happy what would be the harm in asking what his plans are?
you want to wait until you are out of college. thats great!
but note that just because you become engaged, doesnt mean that you will be married. lots can happen before then.
sharing with him you future intentions are very fair at this point in the relationship.
let him know how you feel and what you want for your future.
no harm done. if he scares that easily, then consider this... he is not on the same page as you and it will cause friction in your relationship in the future. its best to find out now.

Answer 7

Stop by the jewelry store in the mall the next time you two are there together...if he does not feel the same way do not kid yourself..you better move on now and make a clean break or you will be miserable by not getting what you want out of life.......IF I was with a gal and she did not want to get married eventually and have kids..even adopt..we would go our separate ways...I do not mean to sound cruel..just telling it like it is !

Answer 8

Hint him... If he don't get it, then ask directly then... Some guys don't want to get married so soon...Once they decided to get married, they will come for you, no worries for it...
Don't be afriad or feel disappointed if he don't feel the same way. That's the difference between females and males. Females tend to get committed faster and more. So let him know...See what he says...If he say its still not the time yet, then carried on and focus on your career, earn and save as much as you can now since you know what you want in future. Getting married is simply like establishing a family soon...So earn more and save more now.. Good Luck gal... Im waiting for my proposal too so you are not alone actually :)

Answer 9

Honesty is key in any relationship.

And there is a time and a place for everything.

I would hope that you share with your bf moments in which you actually look at each other and talk about important things about your relationship/yourselves.

I would use one of those moments to simply talk about it like an adult.

Be honest, talk about your plans, and hear him out.

Nobody who answers this question to you can know what your boyfriend feels or thinks about it.

And if you don't know yourself, ask!

Be curious to know. If you're simply curious, it takes a load of pressure off.

Answer 10

I agree wholly with what you feel....after being with him for 3 years & being sure of your relationship its best to get engaged & eventually marry...its best you talk to him about your feelings soon & tell him to secure you by giving you a ring & assure him that its no wedding pressures from your side until he wants it....