My boyfriend isn't sure if I am the one for him and he feels under pressure. What can I do please? Help me.

Question

We have been together for more than 2 years but we had a break for quite some time. We have had a few figths before due to my insecurties and since then he has changed. He says he isn't sure anymore about us and he isn't sure if I am the one for him. He says he knows he has to make a decision about us. We are in a LDR for the past year so things have not been very easy between us. He says he does not like that I cry all the time whenever he does not tell me he loves me and that he is fed up with our situation. I want to be with him as I love him. I don't want to loose him, however, I feel like I have been loosing him. He says the more push and put pressure on him the more he feels like he does not want this. He is coming to visit me this weekend and he said that we can talk about our situation but I am so scared if he wants to break it off with me? He said he does not know anymore as we always fight and I am never happy. What should I do? I think I will be heartbroken if he leaves?

Thank you for your answers. I don't want to break up with him because 2 months ago I told him it's over as an overreaction and since then he has been having these doubts. He is coming to see me this Friday. I am actually really scared about the meeting.

I appreciate all your answers. The thing is yesterday he was pretty upset with me as I kept telling him that we need to make some decisions about us as we are in a long-distance. He said that if I am going to force him to make a decision, he will leave for good. I want to send him a text message now just to tell him something that will take the pressure off him. What can I say to him please? I really don't want to loose him and I want to say something which will make him feel better?

Thank you all!

Answer 1

THIS was, before i read the whole question.. so not everything might be appropriate: but just read my first advice:

step back a bit. take a deep breath and give yourself and your boyfriend space. but most most most important - meet people, go out and do have a bit of fun. and since you don't know where this is going, don't be fixed on your boyfriend only, but start talking to other guys, just in friendship. you will find out there are a few quite nice guys around even if you have no intention of meeting somebody new. don't hide. make it clear you still stick with your man, but make it also clear that you are not all on your own without him. and that HE should better keep an eye on you if he doesn't want to risk losing YOU. difficult task. but stay as easy as you can. show him your love, but step a little step away from him... difficult, i know. good luck to you!!!!!!!

NOW, after having read not only the title but the whole text - this is my more precise answer:

yes, dear, you are insecure indeed. so was i. and it almost meant that i lost my relationship. it was my first boyfriend (and we're still together now after 4 1/2 years). i didn't know how to talk. i didn't dare to say what i really thought. my boyfriend felt my insecureness. he was bothered. and started going out again. meeting girls. nothing more than colleagues. but it bothered me a biiig deal! it tore my heart in two. i didn't want to lose him, yet i was unhappy. i had to learn how to TALK in a relationship!! you must LEARN!! be yourself. natural. let him see your real face. the way you LOVE HIM. the way he MAKES you FEEL GOOD. tell him! tell him you want to learn. no games to make him jealous. but tell him what you like and dislike. what makes you feel bad. maybe your bf should be more tolerant and see, this is not only your fault. he can do much to make you feel better.

i learned how to talk, when i finally broke up with him (because out of many problems and feeling of not being loved, i started having a secret love affair ;) yes, bad of me, i know. not recommendable. my bf never found out. but i was so unsatisfied with many things. this other man gave me just the extra love i so much needed. i fell in love, and .. finally i dared talking out my mind and tell my bf what bothered me in the RELATIONSHIP. it was the toughest time and i hated it. but i had fallen in love and suddenly i was no longer afraid of losing my bf. i was ready to walk away. and i broke it off. in the end, my boyfriend finally finally finally realized i meant what i said. and realized what it meant losing me. and he DID fight and struggle a lot to win me back. since that day, i know i can talk for myself. i am no longer afraid of conflicts. they are IMPORTANT. without talking about problems, you drift apart. but, yes, :) bad way to find it out like me... don't try the same! but do realize that there is not only your bf. don't be afraid and have self-respect.

don't expect a boyfriend to say "i love you" often (some men never do) but accept it when he looks at you, smiling and when you can see in his eyes how much he enjoys being with you and when you feel, that he appreciates the time with you! after all - it is YOU who's his girlfriend. YOU're at his side. this is no reason to be unhappy, no? please don't expect too much. not everyone's the same. some like to talk, some others dislike too much words. GIVE HIM AND YOU A SECOND CHANCE, OK? TELL HIM YOU UNDERSTAND HIS POINT. BUT MAKE YOUR POINTS CLEAR TOO. if there is something bothering you, talk. you have the right to be HAPPY too. ok??! don't be afraid. say it in an EASY and self-secure way!! you deserve a good relationship. but make this clear to yourself first. you deserve an man who loves you. he should ACCEPT your thoughts. and not make you down by just saying you are being insecure!! you must accept his way of loving you. don't expect him to be perfect. nobody is perfect. it's just the matter how you deal with troubles and questions. don't let them make you feel insecure. stay calm and easy. GIVE YOUR BOYFRIEND AN UNDERSTANDING SMILE, MAYBE A TWINKLE. STOP BEING TOO MUCH CONCERNED. HAVE A LIGHT CONVERSATION. SPEAK OUT YOUR MIND. ACCEPT HIS THOUGHTS. AND THINK (the two of you) HOW TO MAKE THIS RELATIONSHIP BETTER. HAVE GOOD TALKS. hey, i know this sounds like a though way to walk, i've been there. but things will get sooo much better. if the TWO of you give this love a second chance and lots of space and tolerance :-)

good luck to you. good luck in love!

Answer 2

I understand how you feel.. cos I have been through the same thing.. As I was reading your story.. I felt like I was reading mine..

What happened was you are pressurizing him too much, forcing him too hard.. All the crying, insecurity you are feeling is putting him off. He probably wanted to someone who is mature, independent and can take care of herself.. The way you behave makes him think twice.. abt whether he wants to continue with the relationship.. It is taking a emotional drain on both of you.. Frankly speaking, no guys like to go through this..

What you need to do is take control of yourself. You need to grow up.. stop all the crying... build up your confidence.. be independent.. stop pressurizing him.. stop asking him if he loves you.. most of the time love is reflected in the smallest things we take for granted.. like the way he holds your hands when crossing the road, holding the door open for you, the way his eyes lights up when he sees you... Love doesn't have to be vocal all the time.. You need to understand that.. Otherwise, continue the way you are and you sure are going to lose him forever..

I have personally come a long way & overcome this situation. After all that emotional outburst, we have grown closer, understand each other's needs more and appreciate each other more... and we are getting married next year!

So there is remedy for your case, have a good talk with him this weekend, ask him for a 2nd chance in this relationship. Within the next 6 months, you need to prove to him that you are growing up.. it's all in your hands & mind to turn things around..

If he still insist to break up with you, accept it gracefully. You cant hang on to him and make both of you miserable. In any case, if you never grow up and learn from this lesson, every relationship in the future will turn out the same way..

So good luck and grow up soon...

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You can never force a man to commit.. He will always choose the leave instead. By asking him to make a decision now, you are in fact pushing him away.. which is what you don't want to do..

Answer 3

There's one thing you can do...Break up with him before he break up with you to make yourself feel less heartbroken. At least leave him with dignity.
Since he can't make up his mind and he has already doubts in this relationship, no point being together..No matter what you do, there's nothing you can improve or change the fact that you are losing him very very soon even without realising it.

Answer 4

If after two year he is not sure if he love you then take my words he want to leave you. the only way is to give him time, no more fights, no more fuss and no more pressure. If he come back good for you other wise this is life. Learn to live with broken promises.

Answer 5

You need to watch out of taking any style of determination. A well dating is foremost for our completely satisfied lifestyles. So you'll be able to take recommendation out of your seniors who're dwelling beside you.

Answer 6

He truly seems to be unhappy right now. If you really care about him give him his space. By forcing him to make a decision you could lose him for good. Would you want him to be unhappy with you? What kind of relationship would that be?

Answer 7

I'm sorry, but it sounds like you are being manipulative and clingy and he doesn't want a relationship like that with you. This could be because you're insecure or maybe just personality traits. Either way, you are going to have to work on that if you want to keep him.

Answer 8

hey its ok it happens in such situations try to convey him that U r the only one 4 him in this world (sweetheart). Try to give him space & ya no fighting babe . Even then he wants to break off then take my words HE DOES NOT DESERVE TO B UR BOY FRIEND & UR FRIEND TOO. Only wen if u love him truely by ur soul. Think positive everything will b allrite.

Answer 9

It's either the wrong guy at the right time, or the right guy at the wrong time.

Yes you will be heartbroken. But you will also be fine, and then be available when the right one comes along.

Answer 10

Are you sure that you are ready to be in a relationship?
Perhaps you need to see a therapist and work on your self-esteem issues. You might want to explore why it is you need his constant validation in order to be happy.

Answer 11

ok listen to me you have to give him abreak to get the right decission so do not call him until he calls you and try to ignore him sometimes that make him think that he is not the boss in this realition and make him tring so hard to happy you
i know that you love him but it is your life so you have to be with the person that wants to but you in his eyes
understand
you are welcom