I have been married for 5 years and the last 6 months things have gone down hill. I have been a stay at home wife and have decided to go to school to get a degree. My husband expects me to keep doing all the cleaning, cooking and laundry and put school last. I told him I will not do everything anymore and he told me then he wants a divorce. We don't see eye to eye on anything and have nothing in common. He cusses at me and calls me hurtfull names when I don't do what he wants.. Can someone please tell me what I should do? I can't live like this anymore..
2006-08-01 21:28:15 · 18 answers · asked by Talia 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
D.I.V.O.R.C.E
2006-08-01 21:33:30 · answer #1 · answered by Adorable Mrs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you said you were a stay at home wife, and then.....? Well see the writing on the wall, dear! He is losing control of you and he doesn't like it. Why do men do this crap?You will go out get a degree, more money, meet people and this irritates the crap out of him, so be it. Listen get out now before you have children and are stuck there forever. Why did God give us a brain?, to know how to close zip-lock baggies?? Don't think so! Don't walk away, run, and don't look back, and you will find out just how happy you will be! What happens with these guys, who promise us the world,and sware that they love us, until we marry the creeps! Seems like the fairy tale is true, poof the prince does turn into a frog!!! Get out, and don't look back, don't let him ruin your dreams over a sink full of dishes, and a few loads of laundry!!!!! Go girl, and be happy!!!
2006-08-02 04:45:41 · answer #2 · answered by twanda_C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my opinion:
when he's in a good mood, sit him down and talk to him - say that you want/need to go back to school as it is good for the family (economic support) and for you, to grow as a person. say that with the school in session, you are getting somewhat overwhelmed with everything, and although you were managing all the house chores previously, it is becoming increasingly difficult, and that you would need him to help out and ask for his support. be nice and calm with the discussion, see what he has to say. and the cussing has to stop too, but bring that up last.
i guess his "attitude" is coming from some sort of insecurity he feels, now that you're going back to school with fresh energy. chances are, he'll understand you, and although it is not going to be smooth, he's eventually going to learn to help out, with time (several months).
if he just gives you more s**t during the discussion, say that you'll are both getting too defensive and probably not able to communicate very well, and that it is important to you that you'll understand each other. ask what time works for him so you can make an appointment with counseling, and take it from there.
if he neither changes his attitude, nor goes to counseling, there is a problem. if it comes to that, give yourself enough time to think. make sure you have tried all avenues (reasonable) to work it out before you give up on the relationship. but, do go back to school like you're doing, no matter what - that, i think, is a must.
be patient, good luck.
2006-08-02 05:33:11 · answer #3 · answered by donewithschool 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, normally I would say therapy, but he does not sound like the kind of guy who would agree to such a "weak" thing. It sounds like he has less of a problem with you, and more of a problem with you going back to school. Does he realize why you are going back? Sit down and talk to him about your dreams for school and why you want to go back, but make sure he knows that you are not just planning an escape route. You may have unconsciously made him feel like he was inadequate (either as bread winner or as an intellectual stimulant). His acting out about the dishes and laundry may be his distaste for you going back to school. My suggestion is to try to get to the root of that problem, the others will come in tow, but don't start out with "I can't do everything". Those are fighting words, start out with how do you feel about me going back to school, or I'm sorry I did not do the laundry today, I feel horrible. Let him lead the conversation or he is more likely to clam up and just fight with you. Best of luck, with both your marriage and your degree
2006-08-02 04:38:37 · answer #4 · answered by manderstwin1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since marriage is a 50-50 relationship I think he should help out with the house work also. Your not his slave but his wife, It sounds almost as if he feels threatened by you trying to get a job, what is he afraid of???? Maybe try sitting down and at a good time ask him if he worries about you getting a job. Maybe he has trust issues with you being in the workforce or you makeing more money then him you know manhood stuff.
2006-08-02 04:56:20 · answer #5 · answered by kerryjonjon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't live like this anymore, don't live under such conditions.
What you need to do is further your education to be able to make yourself a decent income to survive on your own.
No one should stay in a physical or emotional abusive environment and the worse thing you can do is continue to be a victim by not being financially secure to survive on your own.
If I am correct, I saw nothing about you having kids. This is more the reason for you to get yourself in order to be able to survive on your own.
Again if you can't take it no more, get a divorce and stop taking it.
2006-08-02 09:14:41 · answer #6 · answered by words from the heart 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Usually I don't answer the Q but yours, I could not stop myself. Darling, Don't waste your time and follow your heart to stand on your feet and get your degree.If you don't see anything eye to eye and nothing in common, pls get out of there and don't let a minute goes without feeling loved or seeing fire in eye.
I am divorced after 13 years coz I did not feel that connection and I did not see those eyes loving me.
It hurts and difficult, but you can move on and feel loved again.
Just get your degree and always put yourself the top of the list.
Tight supportive hug for you. XOXO
2006-08-02 04:40:09 · answer #7 · answered by Lili 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I don't think that you realize that you are married to a verbally abusive man. He's calling you names and cursing you out, honey, that is emotional abuse! I know. I am 1 day out of a very hurtful verbally and emotionally abusive marriage of 12 years! He is losing control of you now that you want to better yourself and further your education. You won't need him anymore and abusers don't like that. If he wants a divorce, maybe you need ot give him one. I have learned that men like this do not change. Also don't listen to that guy who said the problem is you. It's not. you haven't done anything wrong. That guy is just obviuosly ignorant to this type of relationship. Lots of love to you. Feel free to contact me.
2006-08-02 05:11:59 · answer #8 · answered by Veronique 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem is with you. Instead of you asking him to share your burden, for a change, for, say, a week or so, you do all your chores, plus, offer to do, some of his chores as well - and see the difference!! LOVE can heal anything. Become more "giving" than "demanding" - things will come to you automatically!!!
2006-08-02 04:37:50 · answer #9 · answered by Jose T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just get a divorce and become a pathetic statistic. Just give up now and quit. Your marriage has no hope.
2006-08-02 04:43:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
for 50 % of americans marriage is for ever for the rest is just another adventure life is fill with opportunities for incredible joy, high achievement, and most importantly, happines there’s not time to feel sorry for oneself because there’s too much to be done! face life on life terms and if need be separate good luck ------:)
2006-08-02 04:41:42 · answer #11 · answered by simmer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋