I'm just wondering about this.
I've known my best friend for about 12 years now, and we've probably been best friends for about 8 years... I spend most of my time with him, and I talk to him everyday...
I used to think he was gay, but he told me 2 years ago that actually he has been in love with me for many years, and the reason I've never seen him date a woman is that he compares everyone else to me and finds them wanting...
The problem is I don't find him attractive at all. I love him to bits platonically, and I don't want to hurt him but I don't want to lose him either... but I'm getting increasingly aware that I'm kind of using him - I know that he'll do anything I ask him to and he does...
Despite the fact that I don't want to, and I know that he would get really upset, should I tell him we shouldn't see each other any more. He's 31 now, and never dated anyone because of me... he's throwing his life away.
Advice? Please don't judge me - I do love him but am not attracted.
2006-08-01 21:00:56 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Sorry, I should explain. I have actually told him that I really care for him but I'm not attracted to him... repeatedly over the last 2 years... I have made it very clear.
We are still best friends... but he keeps telling me every few months out of the blue how much he loves me, and he's not meeting any other girls...
2006-08-01 21:09:34 · update #1
never dump the person just becuase that he is not attracted to you. all you have to do is to talk to him personally, say the things you want to happen to both of you, tell him the best and don't let your emotions hurt him. he is also human who needs understanding and love. by talking it in a formal and proper way it could help to at least to give harmony to your relationship.
talk to him in a place where the two of you could talk seriouslly... i know you can do it...
show to him that you are still his bestfriend after all!
2006-08-01 21:13:02 · answer #1 · answered by aico g 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you think you should dump your best friend because he's in love with you then he shouldn't even be your friend. I mean, you should tell him and give him a choice...1) be my friend and find you someone or 2) be my friend and don't voice your opinions of you two as being a couple-ever! Don't let him play you like that-step up and get an answer from him and if it's not what you want to hear, then by all means-break up with him but give him the chance to be your friend. Do you follow?
2006-08-01 21:09:16 · answer #2 · answered by cyx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u have spent too much time to realise this now. could u not find this earlier? anyway now both of u r mature adults so u can sit down and talk out the matter rationally. u can continue being frends and yet have a fulfilling life elsewhere. he seems to be sentimental fool -comparing every one with u and not confessing his love to u. be mature and talk out the matter . remain frends and tell him to look for love else . a lot will depend on ur feeling towards him.if u dont find him attractive tell hinm so. let him face reality than be a baby boy.
2006-08-01 21:09:09 · answer #3 · answered by curiousguy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him how you feel and make it clear to him that you only like him in a friendly way. if he is really your friend he will understand and respect your decision.also, you should tell him that he mustn compare you with other girls!(at this point it would be great to say some of your disadvantages) introduce him to your other friends(especially the girls) if he still doesn't understand, well, tell him that if he continues this way you are going to dump him. in fear of losing you he will do anything!
2006-08-01 22:37:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont lose him as a friend, just tell him you dont feel the same way and take a couple days away from him, after all, are you really willing to throw away a 12 year friendship?
yes it'll hurt him, but i think he'll understand...
2006-08-01 21:06:02 · answer #5 · answered by Ethernaut 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to dig deep into your inner self for the right answer.
Whatever you do decide be kind to him and yourself
It would be pity to ruin a beautiful friendship
I hope it all works out for both of you
2006-08-01 21:06:44 · answer #6 · answered by witchfromoz2003 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop taking advantage. Have you actually told him you're not interested ? If you have, and he's still besotted it's really more his problemthan yours. Try helping him to find somebody else
2006-08-01 21:08:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
make it extra clear to him that ya r not interested in him in that way.
be careful not to hurt his feelings. use ur judjement of his character to think of the best strategy to bring him to his senses about ya.
make sure that ya retain him as a frnd..................he is precious.
and mayb ya can fix him up with a nice frnd of urs, and prevent him frm wasting his life for ya.
2006-08-01 21:14:08 · answer #8 · answered by hottie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok listen if u dont want to hurt him them tell him in the nicest way possible ok and then still remain good friends if he doesnt take it serouily or negitivly...
2006-08-01 21:05:48 · answer #9 · answered by deedee_6792 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u cant hav it in both ways......if u rnt attracted to him then u shld tell him......if u dont then that hurts him even more.......i think he'll understand if u talk to him n he'll probably get over u.......u guys can stil b frnds aftr that
2006-08-01 21:09:47 · answer #10 · answered by friend 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋