i really need advice on what to do i am pregnant and so confused?

Question

okay before i start i know alot of people might say that i should have thought about it when i was having sex and it's my fault so please i know this i really do i don't need to hear it again.....Well i am 6 months pregnant and i turn 18 on the 4th well my boyfriend just told me i should give the baby up for adobtion and i do not want to and he knew this but he says it would be for the best and part of me thinks it's just because he don't want to deal with it because he will be leaving for the military i am already so attached to this baby and already have picked her name and have done her room and everything and he told me if i lived with my mom he would do everything to take the baby away from me and me and my mom have not been getting along and i feel so confused and alone i feel like i have no support and i am not getting it from the people i need it from most my mom always throws my boyfriend problems in my face and i always crying about this can someone give me advice

sorry about the spelling

Answer 1

If you want this baby, keep it.
You don't need your boyfriend especially if he's making you give this baby up for his own selfish reasons.

Stay with your mom, he can't take the baby away from you unless he proves you an unsuitable mother. Like taking drugs etc.

Good Luck.

Answer 2

The best advice I can tell you is do what is best for you and most importantly the baby. You have to think of what YOU want to do. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Your boyfriend cannot take the baby from you unless you are an unfit mother and now there are so many ways to get assistance, however I would not suggest to continue getting the assistance long-term. I turned 19 on 31, so I can only imagine how you are feeling right now. It is not your fault but it is your responsibility. You knew that becoming pregnant could be a risk to having sex. Honestly, now is the most important time that your boyfriend should be by your side not on your back. If this is the way he acts now, how do you think he will act when you have the baby. I know you probably love him but prepare for him not being around or available. The most important thing is the baby, and her well-being. Your mother is trying to support you and it hurts her knowing that this guy is putting all this extra-pressure during this time and also she's about to lose her baby because you're about to have a baby. She loves you and wants to be there. Use her. Allow her to help. Go to school; that is essential, even night school or something because you have to ultimately better yourself for the baby. Good luck and congratulations. And I hope this is helpful.

Answer 3

Ok, so as a mom, I am going to begin with saying this...the very fact that you are not asking a professional person who is trained on this situation this question, but rather perfect strangers who may or may not have a clue as to what they are talking about is a very STRONG sign that you my love are still a baby yourself.

Raising a child VERY DIFFICULT...I don't care who you are.

And if you are not getting support now...who is going to support you when that little girl is here? See, the thing now is...life is no longer going to be able to revolve around you ...everything that you do from the time that you wake up...to the time that you go to sleep...must be about that baby girl.

Setting the example and living the way that you will want her to live all come in to play. This is what you need to be the most concerned about...and no matter what anyone on this website says.....yeah you can do it alone...but take my word for it....it would be a hell of a lot easier if you didn't have to do it alone!

On the plus side, if the boyfriend is in the military...then he will be FORCED TO PAY SUPPORT....NO IF'S ANDS OR BUTS ABOUT IT! The military doesn't play that!

Just do your best to keep in mind your choices from here on out must be what is in the best interest of this baby...and not your own self interests first. Hopefully your mom will remember that ...and the fact that she should have remembered that when raising you....time goes by so very quickly...it really does...so take your time and make a choice that will be right for all concerned. And definitly talk to someone who is trained in this area and not any old body on the other side of the computer screen!

Good luck and may God keep and bless you in your trying times...keep that faith sweetheart...everything will work out the way that it is supposed to ....just keep that head up!

Answer 4

Hi. I can relate to your feelings in a big way. I'm older than you (I'm now 24) but I found myself pregnant at 22, and my bf actually told me to HIDE my pregnancy from everybody (he was cheating and didn't want the others to know). That's when I knew that any advice I got from him concerning the baby would be tainted by the fact that he didn't want the responsibility of being a father. In a committed, loving relationship I would say consider his feelings, b/c keeping that baby does affect him. You have to consider what you know of him and figure whether he REALLY thinks adoption is best for the baby or if he just doesn't want to deal with her. Hint: If he's threatening to take over custody of a baby he's saying he doesn't even want...there's a good chance anything he says is for his own benefit.

As for your crying emotional-ness, I was the same way! I considered adoption, too. I met with a social worker who is also a counselor, and she helped lay out the options. Adoption is called the loving option for a reason. It takes a lot of strength, wisdom, and love for the child you're carrying to admit it if you are unable to take care of her the way she should be. It would be hard to place her. Heart wrenching. But, don't let anyone tell you it's mean or that it would make you a bad person to handpick a family who could give her anything you think you can't (both parents, whatever). As for foster homes, blah, blah, that doesn't happen in private adoption when you pick out the family to raise her. Also, most private adoptions today have some degree of openness to them. Some even accommodate visits, letters, pictures, phone calls, things to let you know how she's doing.

Adoption obviously isn't your only choice, though. If your gut says you can do this, do it. I wrestled with the decision until my 6th month when I finally gave the baby a name and decided I was going to raise him myself. Have no delusions, it is HARD to single parent a baby and give him/her all she needs. If you have a good relationship with your mom, go ahead and lean on her now, and there's nothing wrong with living with her. I decided to have myself and my son live with my parents b/c I feel that way I'm able to offer him more in every aspect of his life. By staying here, I'm a stay at home mom during the day, and though my son rarely sees his father, he has 2 loving grandparents that he is very close to, as well as a 7-year-old aunt he's crazy about and plays with all day long!! Don't rush to move out. Life as a single parent living with just you and your child can be very frustrating and very lonely, which strains the relationship between you and your child.

You have 2 very different options here, and unfortunately this is not the best time to have to make such an important decision, seeing as how your emotions are wild, and there's so much going on in your head. But...you have to, as I did. I prayed until I was sure, and then I told my ex and said, it's what I'm going to do, I would like you to have a relationship with him, but I won't force you to.

good luck.

Answer 5

It doesn't sound to me like your boyfriend is going to do you any good whether he is here or there. You probably don't want to hear this but honey it's the truth, If any of us with the experience of having lived through could make you feel it and see it, you might be able to say you're right he's no good and he would be no more. Your mom is your mom and that's her grandbaby, though she may not have wanted you to be a mom at a young age she more than likely will not turn her back on you, but you have to make a grown up decision to receive more of the emotional support you are looking for. Honey He doesn't want to be bothered and your mom has a problem with that. If you can stop and see things for what they really are and get rid of the looser you will prove to your mother that you can make better decisions to improve your life and that of your baby. Remember that YOUR BABY! She's angry because he's irresponsibble, and she's trying to let you know, but you may be seeing things your way, instead of your reality. Honey I plead to you, change your perspective, if he doesn't want the baby now he's not going to want to take your baby later. That's what he doesn't want, THE BABY! He sounds manipulative and who knows maybe even violent. Don't be blind, what's he worth to you? Is he worth you loosing a blessing, so he craps on you later and end up with no baby, no boyfriend, and a ruined relationship with your mom. He's not going to be worth it in the long run! Think things through, and have a heart to heart with your mom, ask her what and how she feels about the situation, but really talk, prove your maturity and you'll get the respect and support that you're looking for. He's a looser, that's obvious to anyone who's read your question, Now the question is What's your baby's role in your life? Only you can answer that, and only you can weigh the situation out between your boyfriend and your baby. You could have a hundred different boyfriends, they come and go. But once you have your child, that will never change!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Lots of Love to you, and don't forget to hug your belly to sleep tonight. More importantly talk to God before you fall asleep tonight. He answers all questions!

Answer 6

Listen, right now you are full of emotions and it is definitely hard to get along with even the easiest people in your life. You can do it, girl. You will be an adult. My sister did it when she barely turned 16 and it's not easy, but it is the best choice she ever made. Another thing...he can't take the baby from you. Don't worry about the legal aspect. You are the mother, and unless you or anyone in your home are a severe alcoholic, have a drug dependency or is a sexual abuser, he has no grounds. In fact when you have the baby, you can say he is not allowed to see her and you don't even have to give her his last name. This is YOUR choice, not his. I was in this situation this year when I had my baby. Don't worry about him. If he loves you like you think, then he will respect your wishes. If you give up that baby, knowing the love you have for her now, it will tear you apart. I'm not saying it's gonna be easy. And, girl...don't stress like you are. Stress while you are pregnant can cause tons of problems. I know, my son was born 13 weeks premature. Stay strong, and pray. The next year of your life will be full of twists and turns and you will never feel closer to God...
You are a woman, you have the gift of life. Don't give it up...

Answer 7

Men come and go. Keep your daughter. You will only hate yourself and him if you give up the baby. If he's going into the military then he will have to make arrangements for daycare and childcare for deployments (a major headache). I'm Air Force by the way. He won't want the headache or the brunt of is commander's wrath for being such an idiot and jeopardizing the mission. Do not give up a child that you want. It will most likely never know the love that it's birth mother could give from someone else. I hope your idiot grows up. See what basic and tech school do to him. Complaining to his commander and First Sergeant will do wonders for protecting yourself and the interest of the baby.

Children are blessings. No one feels ready for such an undertaking. There will be regret if you cast you child to the side. And maybe, when he sees his child, he will realize his selfishness and embrace the emotions of fatherhood. Good luck.

Answer 8

Well I'm a man and I can tell you if he is telling you from a mans point of view is that he is looking for a way out and in my opinion is no man at all. You need to remind him that he helped you make that baby! It takes 2! You do not need him to be around for you to have this child. If it is what you really want and you are determined you can go it alone! You don't need him and don't let him fool you into thinking you do. He wants you to give it up for adoption so he doesn't have to deal with the financial responsibility either now or down the road. But you do need to look at some things also. 1 Are you capable of supporting and providing for this child financially? 2 Are you mentally capable of providing a stable nurturing environment for the child your carrying? 3 Do you realize that when that child is born that life is no longer about Stacie or what Stacie wants. Its all about that child from there on out. You sacrifice everything for your child! You need to work through these things before you give birth. Worry about your issues first and foremost. Worry about his when the time comes! Good Luck Stacie! Best Wishes!

Answer 9

he is just pressuring you with threats to take the baby if you don't give it up because he doesn't want to pay child support. Don't let his threats frighten you. If he is going into the military, he won't have time to sit up all night with a squalling infant on some military base between training sessions. Really. He knows they will garnish his wages and take the child support right out of there.
If you want to keep your baby, keep decorating that nursery and picking out names. 18 is young but it is still an adult, not like a 13 year old having a kid or something. You can get a job and yes, you can make this guy help whether he wants to or not by getting court ordered support. It sounds like your mom is trying to help. Don't be intimidated by his threats.
think about it why would he be telling you to give the baby up to strangers one minute then threatening to take it for himself the next...he is just scared of paying support.

Mothers get awarded custody in most cases and fathers get visitation. Just make sure you get a job, that you have a place to live that is clean and safe, that you childproof your home and take your child to all medical check ups and vaccination appointments so your bf can't prove you are neglectful. You will probably have to let him have the baby for visits on weekends, holidays, and whatnot. You might need to invest in a lawyer.

You are young but not a baby anymore. Old enough to vote, join the military, work, drive. Yes, you can do it. I did. I was married at the time though. You will have a tougher time by yourself but it sounds like your mom is willing to try to help you. Good luck! And Congrats!

Answer 10

If you want this baby and you feel that you can give this baby a loving, kind home than you do what you feel is best. It is going to hard but it is something you can do. Try and sit down with your mother and tell her all your feelings honestly. Keep a calm voice and most likely she will to. You can do this, my mom did it with no support at a young age and she had 3 children . I am very proud of where I come from and your child will to. Unless your bf has a significant reason to take away your child, most likely it won't happen plus he will probably feel alot different once your beautiful baby is born. Best of luck to you.

Answer 11

Oh sweetie, I've been in the same situation. I had my first little one at age 19, and my parents hated my boyfriend (we've been happily married now for 8 years, with three little ones and all is well with my parents). You're having problems with your mom most likely because she is upset about the whole situation. This isn't what she planned for your life! She's dealing with that in her own way now, but once that baby gets here, you have nothing to worry about. My mom didn't speak to me throughout my first pregnancy, and she and my son are so close now. This is your descision, and regarding your boyfriend, if he doesn't step up to the plate, the government will make him, and it will be much easier for them to garnish his wages for child support if he is in the military on their payroll so you have no worries there. I am adopted, and I met my birthmom at age 20, and let me tell you she still ives with the guilt of giving me up for adoption. I have no bad feelings toward her about it, she didn't have many options or any way at all to support me, but she still feels so horrible about the whole situation. I'm not saying that you shouldn't give the baby up, but it sounds like you really don't want to, and if that's the case, then you shouldn't. That baby is your #1 priority right now, and if your boyfriend isn't doing everything in his power to provide a stable family for your little one, then he can go on his merry way as far as I'm concerned. Above all, stop stressing out, control yourself (it's easier than you think) crying all of the time will only lead to more anxiety which could even send you into pre-term labor (I've been there too). Whatever descisions you make, just put your little one first and you will be fine. Pray hard right now, and God will take care of everything, but first you have to turn your problems over to Him.