I've been with my girlfriend for almost 4yrs and we have a child but I don't think she's the one.?

Question

She always has an attitude about something, uneasy to talk to about serious matters, unromantic, unpatience with low self-esteem issues. Sometimes she tries to be a better person and give a good attempt to do things differently as far as the relationship goes, but she's not goal oriented to have a better life for herself. I mean I love this girl in hopes that she change for the better and for are son. I don't want another man to raise my son. I come from a broken and I don't want that for my son by all means possible. I'm just confused about what to do. Can someone please help?

Answer 1

It's quite noble to consider your son like that, I can see that you're a responsible man. And, it's a very good that you're able to describe what you don't like about your girl instead of saying that she's just unbearable, or she's just so annoying, etc. Take these as a good ground to start your personal project of helping her to change for the better. If she shows her attitude, show her your dismay. If you want to talk to her about serious matters, sit her down and make sure you have her attention - be firm that she really needs to hear what you've got to say. Be romantic to her and don't hesitate to throw hints at her of what romantic things you'd like her to do for you. Low self-esteem issues can be grated by constantly complimenting her, make sure she knows she's the most beautiful girl, at least in your eyes. These aren't going to produce instant results but if you're firm towards her, in time she will gradually change... the changes may be subtle but hopefully one day you'll wake up and realise that you've managed to help her be a better person.

Answer 2

I totally respect you for wanting to stay with her and raise your son! It is very possible she is suffering from depression.After a woman has a child and especially if she stays home and raises the child,she begins to be detached from her friends and doing things that she use to enjoy. She spends her days taking care of the child and the home,feeling unappreciated ( far too many men think that because a woman stays home with the children that she doesn't deserve to be tired etc.) Raising a child and keeping the home all running smoothly takes a lot of work and skill! Maybe bring her some roses with some cash tucked inside a card and give her a day all to herself to go shopping or what ever,just tell her she is not allowed to spend the money on you or your son.She has to spend it on herself. Maybe a new outfit or a new hair do? If a woman doesn't feel pretty she will soon hide away in a shell!

Answer 3

if you are thinking that she is not the one after 4 years and a child then you are her problem. she is nervous about her future and that of her son she is insecure because you give her no reason to feel secure. If she has low self esteem you are not helping with your being down on her She doesn't want a better life for herself and her son? are you crazy She probably hopes that you will marry her and be a real husband and father instead of the perpetual BOY friend. Time for you to step up and be a MAN. I bet you'd see a real change in her once she felt she has something going on, a real life and not just the uncertainty of a disapproving BOYfriend.

Answer 4

First of all, how old are you? If you started this relationship fairly young, the issue could be that over the four year period, your tastes and expectations have changed, and you are both no longer on the same page as far as what you expect out of a relationship. If she has grown cold towards you, chances are, she's not feeling you anymore either. Sometimes people do outgrow each other, and it would be better for your son if you part ways, given that is the case and you both discuss it and agree that you both want different things in life. The tension and unhappiness is not good for him, and children are quick to pick up on that sort of thing. Staying in the relationship solely for the child doesn't always necessarily benefit the child; sometimes it can do more harm than good. You are also teaching him that your own personal happiness is a low priority- something else that will take its toll on him eventually.

What you need to do is, force her to address the issue. You can't ignore the 900 pound gorilla at the table forever. Feelings and expectations need to be laid out on the table to determine whether the relationship is worth continuing or would be better off ending. You can't live in limbo forever, wondering how much longer you're going to have to put up with the moodiness and attitude before she finally decides to tell you what's behind it. The days you spend unhappy are days you will never get back- and you owe it to yourself to protect your own well being.

You can both still love each other, without being in love or being in an intimate relationship. You can both raise your son, and you can still be the driving force in his life. Right now, you are the one raising him, and there is no other man in his life, but at what expense to you? You are sacrificing your own happiness for something you could still achieve even if you did go your separate ways. Depending on what you're willing to do to foster a strong relationship with your son, regardless, you will always be "dad" to him, no matter how many other men may walk in and out of his life. That part is up to you though- you will have to assert your position in his life, while still maintaining an amicable affiliation with his mother. It can be done, but communication is vital if you want it to work.

Talk to her. It's never easy, and such a big change in life can be scary, but it will pass, and you will thank yourself later for not allowing yourself to flounder in a stagnate relationship. We have so few days on this earth; and we should spend as many of them 'happy' as we can. Good Luck!

Answer 5

Sounds like she's living her life just to please you -

You need to be supportive instead of finding faults and making her feel insecure about herself. You need to stop and take a look at your own self and really ask yourself - are you good enough for her and your child. No body wants to live with someone who's constantly complaining on things that are hard to change over night. Your approach is not right - you may just lose her to another man who will raise your child.

Answer 6

Nobody can help you on here you have to get counselling. Actually staying in the relationship for the kids sake is not really a great idea if you two are not getting along. Sounds as though you got the girl pregnant early in the relationship and did not get to know her better. Like I said try cancelling and maybe try to get out just the two of you and think about how you two first met. Looks as though you are just looking at her faults maybe you just might have allot of them yourself.

Answer 7

Apparently, she suffers from an inferiority complex. It is probably something that has happened to her in the past. Her attitude is a cover-up for this complex and you need to talk to her and be very understanding. It may take a while before she opens up and once she does that, she will change for the better. My advice is you must not leave her - primarily, for your son's sake. You need to hep her to help yourself and your relationship. You hold the key and you must take charge now!

Answer 8

This is a tough one man and I feel for your dilemma. It's hard to stay knowing that the relationship doesn't work, but hard to leave because of your son and you want what's best for him. Are you financially and emotionally prepared to take responsibility for him? There is joint custody and if she is this bad she might be clinically depressed, and it might be better for him to be with you not her. Has she seen anyone about this depression?

It's a hard decision...stay and be miserable but be there for your son...or go and maybe be happy again and hope for the best with visitation or custody.

Answer 9

In my opinion a man makes or breaks a female. If she loves you and you love her then your patience with her will help mold her into the woman of your dreams. Women are just that way. We can change if loved through situations. Whatever it is you want from her find a way to tell her lovingly. Sounds like she is trying to please you. Maybe you need to be more clear to her what your needs are. You have to ask yourself if you want to turn her over to someone else and let them do it or do you want her bad enough to make it work. One day you might be sorry. Invest in your love don't run from it.

Answer 10

You cant stay where you are unhappy. And besides dont look at it as another man raising your son. YOU will still be around, your son will just have 2 daddies and 2 mommies instead of just one set. Assuming your going to get another girlfriend that is.

good luck.