I have been married for 29 years and my husband has always been attracted to other women. It has made me feel that I was never enough for him and I have not wanted to be intimate with him for several years now. I have told him how much it hurts and he still buys porn and surfs the net . I have a 17 year old daughter that found his porn movies and hid it under her bed. What should I do?
2006-08-01 16:15:51 · 16 answers · asked by clueless 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's a viscous cycle. His actions turn you off, then your lack of intimacy fuels his need to commit those acts.
Therapy might help. It will take total forgiveness on your part (once he stops) in order for you to desire him again.
2006-08-01 16:39:22 · answer #1 · answered by Boo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey I've been married for 30 years. I love my wife, but I have always looked at other women. Now that I'm older I sit on the porch and watch the young dogs do the chasing. I've done my fair share of surfing, but I don't buy porn. The reason I don't? I'm a tightass dutchman, and I know all they are doing is trying to vacuum money out of my wallet.
About your daughter. Talk to her. Let her understand that daddys addicted to the junk. Tell her to make sure her bf doesn't fall in the same trap.
good luck
2006-08-01 23:26:37 · answer #2 · answered by kram k 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is not normal. It is a myth that men need sex 24/7. He sounds like he has a sexual obsession. I am surprised that you have lasted this long. He doesn't sound like he respects you. I wouldn't advice you what to do, but I would never tolerate the behavior. Porn is not a bad thing, but when it's all a person is interested in, there is a serious problem.
2006-08-01 23:23:28 · answer #3 · answered by spicycatII 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not saying it is 'normal' at all, but porn is an all too common addiction for men especially. It can be overcome however. In many cases it is an addiction that involves 'shame' for the person that does it as well. it would be good for him to get to see some counseling to discuss it. If you attend church, he should look for a small group of men he can join up with and confess it to them for support. They cand help to hold him accountable for his actions. And if he is interested in stopping, you can install software to block that from your computer. It does not necessarily indicate that he is unhappy with you at all by the way - it just feeds the visual part of a mans mind.
2006-08-01 23:44:47 · answer #4 · answered by 2thseeker 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your husband falls into the orgiastic satyristic Sprite category. yes he is obsessed! It IS an addiction and more than likely he's a philanderer too. Quite common unfortunately and I kicked mine to the curb years ago and it's amazing to think how stressed out I was at that time in my life. They're NOT worth it. It's pretty said to be married and wonder if you're going to get something from sleeping with your own husband. Divorce isn't great but finding yourself and disposing of your baggage is quite liberating
2006-08-01 23:35:30 · answer #5 · answered by allnatuarllyrefreshing 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well listen to what you just said. You have not been intimate with him for several years. He probably sensed you slipping away from him before he even started getting into the porn. And we all know with guys they shut down if no one is there for them. So he probably figures its best to get involved with the pornos because they don't hurt you as bad cuz the chick's don't really know him. Or he could just be addicted to porn period where as you could divorce him that is entirely up to u.
2006-08-01 23:31:50 · answer #6 · answered by Bloody Kisses 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its an addiction. You need to talk to him and tell him to get help. Do not put the blame on yourself for his addiction. You could be having sex with him everyday just the way he likes it and I bet he would still be looking at it. He should at least get a lock up box to put the movies in so the kids cannot find it. Men are going to look at women all thier life no matter how happy they are being married but he should respect you. Tell him how you feel.
2006-08-01 23:24:12 · answer #7 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am terrribly sorry for what you are going through and I do understand. Ever think about going to church with him? I used to be big in porn and when I started going to church more I slowly "wheened" myself off it. Yes, I'm not perfect, I'm not proud of my desires. I always succomb to temptation no matter how hard I try to fight it. I ask God to forgive me everyday and I hope he does, but if he doesn't I understand. I don't know if it is normal or not for guys, I just know I have a hard time resisting porn and then when I'm done looking at it I feel so ashamed of myself. Not just as a husband but as a person.
2006-08-02 09:14:25 · answer #8 · answered by luedvic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the same problem with my husband. It is an addicition and it is infidelity. I confronted my husband and we went to counseling. If you have confronted your husband and he's not willing to get help then you need to face the reality that he doesn't care about your feelings and maybe it's time to move on. I no you have been together for a long time, but you need to assess what is important. Do you want to go on another 29 years being miserable and upset because he disregards your feelings? I wouldn't.
2006-08-01 23:34:57 · answer #9 · answered by Smooda 1119 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would seek counseling because porn is just as addicting as drugs. And he may not be able to help himself. But like any other addiction he has to want to quit or its just a waste of time to try. Good Luck
2006-08-01 23:21:46 · answer #10 · answered by miracle man 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋