He is 10 lives with his mom, I love him so much!! he has a new dad, we havnt seen much of eachother in his life. every time I ask him he says he is busy with his friends and cant come. I have bought him good stuff. This kind of hurts. Should I just give up this and let him come around and then anticipate making a new family with my fiance now?
2006-08-01 16:06:28 · 12 answers · asked by jason c 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tough question, wish I could help. But I wanted to say that if he's too busy at 10, he's going to be even more busy by 12... and when he's 15 - 18, forget it.
I guess my point is now or never?
2006-08-01 16:12:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please do not give up on your son! There could be a lot of reasons why he doesn't want to see you, or it may just be that he's 10 years old and busy with his friends as he says. Don't take that personally. However, it may be that since he hasn't seen you much, he doesn't know how to see you as "Dad". He may be confused or angry about the situation and not know how to deal with it. Whatever the reason, don't give up on him now. Let him know how much he means to you and that you want to try to right any wrongs (like not having seen him much). He may not understand any of this now, but believe me, when he becomes an adult, he will love and respect you for it. Of course, it hurts when the people we love don't appear to love us back. But, you have to remember, you are the adult and he is only a child. Buying him "good stuff" is not necessarily the way to win him over. Spending time with him doing something together, especially if it's important to him, is more likely to have a positive effect on him. Let him know that even if he has a new dad, you will always be there for him and want him to be part of your life. Good Luck to you!
2006-08-01 23:48:21 · answer #2 · answered by Christie K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you haven't seen your son much, so you have done this to yourself. You should have had a visitation schedule set up when you divorced. And you should have seen your son on a regular basis. Even if you live far away, you can manage a visit a few times a year if it's a priority with you. Now, he's 10. He wants to be with his friends. At this age he doesn't want to be with his mom either. He wants to hang with his pals. That is normal. You should NOT give up. You should insist that his mother have him visit with you. You can start with very brief visits so he will have time to get back to his buddies. You can take him to a sporting event, the zoo, fishing, etc. Start with a couple hours. Once he starts enjoying your visits, move up to all day events. Be sure to listen to him and make the day about him. That is how to win him over. He doesn't have a new dad. He may have a step father, but YOU are his only dad. You need to be that dad. If you need to get a lawyer to enforce your visitation rights, do it.
2006-08-01 23:19:56 · answer #3 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont give up on your son. He needs you but is acting that way for some reason. I would call ahead of time like teh week before and inform him that you are coming to get him for the week end. Don't ask, my step daughter always acts like she doesn't want to come over but once she is there she has a good time. I think she just doesn't want to appear disloyal to her mom. If there is something that is going on that is super important to him or a freind that he is really close too, perhaps you can invite them along one day for some fun. This will go along way as your son's friend can also have a good time with dad.
2006-08-01 23:14:14 · answer #4 · answered by krichard70 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have a visitation schedule - you must make him and his mother adhere to it. If not , you need to go back to court and work one out. I know it seems like this is forcing him to visit you - but kids this age are not capable of making these choices. By letting him decide if he visits or not , you are sending him the message that you don't really care. Once you set up a schedule - you must adhere to it rigidly - even if it interferes with your schedule. You must send him the message - especially at this age - that he is number one in your life. All the money and gifts in the world will not be a substitute for spending time with him. Try talking to him and finding out what his interests are and make sure in your time together that you do these things. He will respond to this before long.
2006-08-01 23:23:44 · answer #5 · answered by arkiemom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This may be hard ,but he's 10 and you just have to let him come around on his own. he has a new dad, but you still have to stay in contact with him. If you make a new family stay in touch with the old he is only 10 and sooner or later he will miss you.
2006-08-01 23:15:17 · answer #6 · answered by Beligrafion 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You also have to remember he's 10 at this age most kids don't want to be around their parents. It could also be that he's feeling confused about all the changes, if both of his parents have new loves in their lives he may not be sure how to handle it..I say just keep trying and make sure you let him know that you love him and will always be there for him.
2006-08-01 23:13:50 · answer #7 · answered by Kitikat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ask if he has time for you how about that he see that you think his time is as important as you see yours to be .might work
or when you do that then they think they got you and drag
you around and tell they don't have time . x is doing that now
ask to see kid yes than before i get out the door she says no she cant go . she is just showing me what she went though like i didn't see it when it happened . nor did i see her cry .wonder if she has seen me cry any think that would change her think curling up into a ball in the shower then not even get all cloths and doing it again in the corner all the doors locked funny its been awhile ago been like this sence the separation you parents why does a judge have to tell you what to do .after their so old its not about making the kid come with you
2006-08-02 04:31:53 · answer #8 · answered by ronnie r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't blame your child - he's very young. Try offering the visit where your son can bring one of his friends along - if that's the only way your son will meet with you - so be it - you'll eventually win him over even if he brings a friend along. Maybe he's friend will say "Gee, your father is a great dad" and will open up your child's eyes to want to see you more.
2006-08-01 23:19:42 · answer #9 · answered by Leila 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Consistency would probably be best. You know, like a set schedule! If that doesn't work for you then ask him to make plans with his friends on a set date with you. Him and his friends hang at your house. . . You take him and his friends to a park (amusement, skateboard, recreational park) or whatever else he is into like miniature golfing, bowling, movies, basketball court, swimming pool. . . Kids don't want to do what you want on your schedule. Ask him when and what.
2006-08-01 23:12:47 · answer #10 · answered by Jill M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋