I posted a few times here...again the story for the third time...married almost 5 years...after my husband graduated with his masters he went back to his country...after a few months he stopped taking my calls and stopped sending money...he then sent me divorce papers...we've recently started talking again, he tells me how he loves me and cares and wishes we were still married...but he's never coming back and he won't say why...i believe its his family...anyway...he tried to tell me about one of our old friends and how he's always had a crush on me and maybe i should marry him and he wishes only the best for me and wants to "make it right"...with another man? He is arab...(my ex) but anyway...im so upset. Im so lonely. Im in another relationship and he is so nice but i still think about my ex husband. It is like a disease. Its too hard to tell him that I dont want to talk anymore, but I've got to move on with my life. I have 0 friends and my family members are tired of me. Help.
2006-08-01 15:50:54 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Make a choice. Have some backbone.
2006-08-01 15:56:30 · answer #1 · answered by Otis F 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I seem to see what your talking about. First off I know coming off a relationship like that is tough, confusing, and discomforting. Well atleast you have heard from him so you know that he is alive. If he desires for you to have a brighter future with someone else then he needs to just stay as your ex and stay in contact with you if that makes you comfortable. Stop and close your eyes and picture an activity that involves yourself that you might find enticing. Find new ways to get out and join groups like yoga, dancing, art, or whatever else brings you joy. And if you wish to be with this man who has a crush on you as "your new guy" then go for it. But dont look at him as a scapegoat cause that will lead to problems later on. You have to look at your situation in a broader way because theres many other legitamate men out there and many of them who are willing to treat a good women like a queen.
2006-08-01 16:12:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not wise to enter a new relationship when you are not over the first one. It is unfair to the new person. It obscures the new relationship if it is contaminated by your past.
You should discontinue either one. It is obvious you were used and your ex has a new life and is trying to give you a soft landing. You should, like everyone says, move on. So stop talking to dead past and look ahead. Stop even talking to us about your ex. You are trying somehow to keep alive the memory of a dead person.
Think of your new love and the attention he deserves. This time is his. As for your undeserving ex, axe him.
2006-08-01 16:18:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I could say move on with your life but then you havent resolved your issues with your ex. It seems like he still loves you and the feeling is mutual right? I agree that his family could be one of the reasons why he cant ever go back. And i think he is married before he moved there and got his masters..meaning you might be his second wife. Can you deal with that? Did he ask you to move to his country? Ask him what the deal is and make your decision based on that. Keep us posted.
2006-08-01 16:08:45 · answer #4 · answered by wittlewabbit 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hear that? That's the worlds tiniest violin playing the worlds saddest song. You were dumped. It hurts. Move on. STOP TALKING TO HIM (unless there are kids involved). Possibly his family hates EVIL DOG AMERICANS? This is also bad for your new relationship.
Is the reason he is not coming back that he might not like the USA (or where ever you live)?
I can understand why your family does not want to deal with you anymore. Get over it.
2006-08-01 15:59:25 · answer #5 · answered by hack_ace 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ive been divorced for 2 years now (5 year marriage) and ive been with someone for a year and half. some times i still think about my ex "that way". i could never tell my boyfriend becuase i dont think he would understand. But i do realize its over with my ex and after all that jerk put me through i will never get back with him but the memories he gave me, well, the good ones anyway are worth keeping close to me.
Anti depressants really helped me. You might look into it because i thought my family hated talking to me too because all i would talk about was my ex and what he did and what he called me. About 2 weeks ago i told this to my cousin and she looked me straight in the eye and said she was never tired of me talking to her and she was glad that she was there for me to cry on her shoulder. Please get on anti depressants and find yourself some mental clarity.
good luck!
2006-08-01 15:56:19 · answer #6 · answered by ziggunerin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looking at your past posts I can see you are American and he is of Arabian descent. It is very difficult for us to understand that culture because it is so different from ours. Apparently his family has become a great influence when he went back. He does seem to care for you since he wants you to move on - yet still has feelings for you and wants you to be happy.You do have to realize it is very unlikely he will return. His family has likely influenced him to be with a woman of their approval - which means non- American. You can get past this. I survived a marriage that ended in a devastating divorce after 23 years together and went on to another marriage with a wonderful husband.We have been together for ten years now and are extremely happy. You too can get past this unhappy point in your life. Keep telling yourself you deserve to be happy and it will happen!
2006-08-01 16:07:43 · answer #7 · answered by arkiemom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need therapy. You need to face the facts. Your rotten husband abandoned you for no reason. His culture makes it easy for him to treat women cruelly. He has probably re-married in his country. Why are you taking his calls? Do you enjoy being tortured? Your self esteem is very low and you need to get yourself back together before you even consider a serious relationship again. I hope that the next time you choose an American.
2006-08-01 15:57:52 · answer #8 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey please forget this ex-husband of yours. He choose to divorce you, if he really loved you no matter what his family said he would still be with you. It sounds like you have found someone who really cares about you, this guy is a rare find. How do you know your ex isn't tring to get back with you because another woman didn't work out? Remember he choose to leave and file for divorce.
Have you ever wondered why he didn't ask you to join him on his journey back home to see your in-laws? He sounds like he is a player to me, speaking from personal expereance. I was with my ex for twenty-five years.
Move on with your new guy in your life and chalk this up as a life lesson that you'll learn to start taking care of yourself first.
And as for your family I hope you still are in contact with them, blood is thicker than water. And if not you be the one to break the ice, one day it may be too late to say I am sorry or I love you. I lost my brother and dad ten years ago, I am so glad we were as close as we were, but I still would love to have just one more hour with both of them just to say I love you and have my arms around them or just look into their eyes one more time.
As for friends start going to groups like church groups, or other community groups. Do you have a job, what about asking a couple out to join you and your mate.
I wish you the best in the future, and go on with your life you deserve to be happy.
2006-08-01 16:17:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey it sounds a though you still love him and he loves you. You just have to make the choice if you want to live in a strange country that has different customs. Talk to your EX and see what it is you both want. Maybe you guys should take that second chance
2006-08-01 15:57:16 · answer #10 · answered by Right Wing Extremist 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't want to be one of those people that tell you what you should be doing. Truth is, this is something you have to deal with on your own. I'm sure it's tough and lonely, and you feel confused. You know what you have to do, so take the steps to get on with your life. No need to seek consolation from anyone, nor do you really need any further advise. Help yourself.
2006-08-01 15:59:03 · answer #11 · answered by lupering 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋