At age 16, feel like parents are too in control of my life?

Question

I am really close to my parents & my family but lately I feel like they are living through me. My dad is already making me do college visits and apply for scholarships and wants me to already know what I want to be when I grow up. I am on varsity swim team, Democrats club, the Yearbook staff, compete in equestrian horse riding competions, I am incredibly in shape and have a 3.85 GPA. But my parents still say I can do better. I even got a scholarship to go to a University this summer for a business camp and my dad was upset that i didnt win the "overall scholarship" which was awarded after the camp.
I just feel so stressed sometimes, like I can never be good enough. How can I tell my dad that I really am a good kid? They dont trust me when I go out with my friends, they always say "we remember what it was like to be your age", please help...

Answer 1

Oh baby baby... you are a Great kid, I think that your dad realizes that..really.. and maybe thats why he's so over bareing. He probably is just so afraid that you will be lead astray from the promising future you have head of you, if he doesn't watch over you like a hawk. You father and mother see the greatness in you and believe in you to the fullest that is why your dad say's the stupid remarks that he does. I'm sure it's not to belittle you, even thou he doesn't realize that is. I know with my kids, i now that they can have the world as their oyster if they just want it and work for it. Even thou they might doubt that themselves. As far as living threw you, that is probably true to a point, you are a bright star, and they probaly want for you to suceed where they have not, but being that they are older and wiser now they know where they went wrong and are not going to allow that to happen to you. Life is hard and has twists and turns that are un-forseen it is easy to get off track but hard to get back on it. I'm sorry that you feel hurt by theyre lack of trust and faith in you to do the right thing, but try and remember that you are lucky to have parents that care so much for you and they are only tring to protect you from what they feel could compromise your greatness. Time goes by much quicker then we all realize and befor you know it you will be looking back on this and you will either thank them for all they've done or cruse them for it. but by then you'll be able to call your own shot's and if your call the right ones then they've done their job and raised you to be a good man with a future to live in not just survive in. Good luck and remember to talk to them about how you really feel, don't think that they wont understand because they probably do more than you can realize. And hey good job', your on your way to Greatness.

Answer 2

At age 16, your parents are suppose to control your life- sorry. So, until you get a job and move out of the house at age 18, they'll be sniffing your crack.
But it does sound like you have a good head on your shoulders; you're doing everything right, so far. You're in school, participating in school activities, have a 3.85 GPA, and respect your parents wishes by wanting to do better. I think you should just sit them down, express your concerns, and let them know that they CAN trust you when you're out with friends and that they make you feel like you can never be good enough. Girl, why the heck are you asking for advice- you know what you need to do. You have balls, so go and sit them down!

Answer 3

One word: COMMUNICATION! You should approach your parents with this. Tell them that you know they want you to be successful in life, but you feel smothered. Your parents should love you and be behind you 100%, and if you explain to them how you feel, they should have open ears. Definitely mention the part where "you never feel good enough" & "they dont trust me when I go out with my friends". Give your side of the story, and hopefull all will turn out well. If you haven't had a history of bad behavior, they should have NO reason to not trust you. You have done nothing wrong, and you have earned it. Try approaching them with a proposition, like if you come home exactly on time [even early] for a month, then you should have a little more freedom. Good luck!!

Answer 4

Oh, gosh, once I read this - it sounds so totaly like my case. Only I'm much older now. Only you're more perfect kid than I was.

What I did - I just took it whatever my Mom had to say, and tried harder and harder to live up to her standards. But one day, I just broke down: I couldn't sleep anymore, because I was so worried what if I don't get an A on a college final (!) Sure enough, I didn't, because I wasn't sleeping for like 4 nights in a row. My mom couldn't understand it how it was possible to do so badly and get a B, so I felt totally miserable. My following grades for that semester went down even lower.

What I could have done I didn't know back then.

Try and talk to your Dad. Tell him that it puts you down when he turned your success (you got scholarship) into a "failure" for not getting even higher award. Explain it to him that his frowning hurts you and eventually undermines how much you believe in yourself. Because they seem to be not trusting your judgement on what's good enough, and only their judgement seems valid to them. He probably thinks that you can do even more, and he thinks this is supposed to motivate you. He's just tryin to help you achieve the best you can be.

I must say, we do have awesome parents - they really did help us to go this far. There are too many parents who can't provide any of this opportunities that you have and i had. Just explain it to them to not over-do it.

Answer 5

I am 19 and I am living with my parents. Sometimes i feel that my parents control my life. They order and I have to obey. I am not allowed to show my opinion when they are get angry with me because i don't want the situatuon is worse. I have an intersting method for you so that you will not feel upset. Take a notebook and write all the things your parents have displeased you. Below those, write your ideas and what you want your parents to behave toward you. Choose a suitable time, talk to your parents what you are thinking of. Try to calm down and be polite when you are showing your opinion. Or if you don't want to talk to your parents, you can write letter. Put the letter on your mom' s table. After your mom accept your demand, don't forget to write a different letter to thank her. Keep your notebook until you become a dad or a mom, you will realize that you are also so strict with your children and you will order your childrend, will punish, will blame, like your parents. Imagine that you are a dad or a mom, you worry about your child, you want the best thing for your child and sometimes you can't accept your child's demand because you knoe it's unnecessary. Your parents are caring about you. Instead of feeling upset and get angry, you should be happy because you are receving love from your parents.

Answer 6

I understand how you feel and what i would say is to talk to them. Let them know that you're doing everything to make them happy but that you also need some time for yourself.. like going out with your friends, etc. Tell them how much you love them and that you would never do anything to disappoint them. Tell them how stressed you feel about having so many responsibilities in school and still not having time to ease your mind by at least going out with your friends once in a while. They love you and I'm sure they're very proud of you, therefore if you talk to them I'm pretty sure that they will understand you. ..
Good luck Hun!

Answer 7

Wow, that seems really brutel!
You should tell them, " Life is too short to live CONSTANTLY working for higher sucess. Sucess means nothing if you aren't happy. And right now, I'll tell you honestly, I'm not happy at all. Infact you could say I'm living in complete misery. I appreciate the fact that you want me to have the best but you just need to let me live my OWN life for a while and learn from my own experiences."

Now, you can say something like that, not neccessarly word for word but I really hope this helps you get out of this situation! Best wishes!

~paige!

Answer 8

They are just pushing you because they want you to be successful in life. Just tell them that yes you know about the things that are out there, but they can trust you. Let them know that they have done a good job raising you and you won't get into any trouble. Just keep them informed of what is going on in your life and then they'll know and hopefully trust you more.

Answer 9

I was the same way, you just have to tell them that if they cant see that your a mature young adult they need to try again.

They may remember what it was like to be your age, but things are different now.
You can't do drugs because your on a swim team and I'm sure they drug test you randomly like they do our sports.

Your parents are the over-obsessive type that despise a person like me [free thinker, wild and go on a whim and make their kids the same way]. What to do is sit them down, very seriously and say:

"Look, mom, dad, I know you want whats best for me, but I'm 16. I am not an adult but I feel like I need some space to learn who I really am. I feel like you guys are trying to vicariously live through me and this makes me very uncomfortable. I can promise you that I am mature and intellegent enough to make the right decisions when I am with my friends, and even though you remember what it was like to be 16, we're not the same person, and times are changed and I have more resources. And if I have any problems or conflict I promise I'll come to you guys for advice." let them say something, but NEVER, NEVER EVER get an aditude with anything they say. Think of a logical explination for their inquiries or comebacks, keep cool, but dont get a snobby tone or they may get upset and ground you.

Also add that you are trying to be your very best for them and its infringing upon things you love and enjoy. School is important but its not supposed to rule your life. "I am trying my hardest at acedemics and I want whats best for me too, and I am trying to figure out what I want to do with my life, but I need some space and time to figure out what I really like, what my talents are, ect. and I am appreciative that you have pushed me and made me strive for better things but I want to try things on my own now"

Good luck!

Answer 10

Wow, you are quite the busy bee! I would say that at the rate you are going, you are going to burn out. I wish I was that studious and got the opportunities you had, but on the same token, I had a LOT of freedom, too much freedom, and trouble could have easily messed up my life; I was very lucky it didn't. I would offer up to your dad a "medium;" they are not going to trust you w/your friends and you could accept that, but they need to accept that you are doing a great job academically and physically, and on that portion of your life they need to lay off. Good luck.