Is It Time To End It All?

Question

I've posted a few questions about my marriage. My husband and I have been talking more and more about divorce this week; even had an argument today. I'm tired of fighting. It's not good for me or the kids. He won't file even though he has the money. I'm broke, but am highly considering taking money out of one of his accounts to cover the retainer/filing fees plus a month for a hotel stay for me and the kids. I feel it's best to get away from this or else it will make me sick. I already get headaches just about everyday. I just don't see how we can make amends. I don't want to live this way anymore.

Answer 1

Take it from someone who knows...marriage counseling really does help! I would suggest someone who is a psychiatrist too...because they can help diagnose if there are any underlying problems like depression for instance. I have been where you are...fighting is awful and you are right to want to end all of the fighting for yourself and your children.

Have you tried simply walking away when he starts ranting and raving? It's really difficult to argue with a wall. I have done that before when my husband was being irrational and it gives him space so he can think about what he is doing...and it keeps you and your children out of the fighting atmosphere. I don't mean this in a bad way, but you really need to make sure that you do everything in your power to stop arguing...if he snaps, just grab your children and go to the next room. Or, if he is one to follow you from room to room, then grab the children up and go to a family member or friend until you think he has calmed down. I know this sounds too simple to work, but I am giving you advice that was given to me by my own therapist( clinical psychologist). You see, sometimes we think we are doing everything in our power to make things better, but if you haven't tried this then you haven't given it your all. It's good to make the statement that you won't be putting up with this anymore and that you can't control what he says or does, but you can control you and what you do..so tell him that from now on, you are moving yourself and the children away from the anger...and say so in a calm voice. This will help to keep you calm too...because then the arguing is only one-sided. It's NOT easy sometimes, because you really want to stay in the moment and defend your point, but just think that it is better for you and your children, and even your husband if you keep quiet.

Anyhow, that will only help with the arguing part of your relationship. There have to be some underlying issues....and for that marital counseling really will help. I know it is expensive..but sometimes the doctors will work with you and put you on a payment plan. Good luck to you...I hope everything works out for you. Don't take offense to anything I said, because I have been in your shoes...I do understand.

Answer 2

Here in the Philippines, what the husband has, the wife has also because all properties of the couple are conjugal in nature. I don't know in your place if it's the same. If it is, then by all means, get money from his account because that money belongs to you both.

If not, don't do it because if your husband learns about it, he may do something against you that will worsen your relationship.

You've been husband and wife and during all those times, I'm sure somehow there's even a little love or more in your hearts for each other. I'm sure he knows you've got no money to file the divorce request. Tell him that if both of you really wants to separate officially, he should use his money to file the divorce and you may even tell him that as soon as you'll have money in the future, you will pay him back. Convince him that there is no other way for you to get money from other people even from your relatives, if this is the real case.

By just talking in low-toned voices when both of you are coolheaded may help. But if talking to him is not possible at all, you really may have to seek financial assistance from your friends becasuse that will be your only hope.

You were asking if it really time to end it all. Well, honestly, you and you alone can answer that question by asking yourself if there is no more love existing in your hearts for each other. If you have done everything possible to preserve your marriage but nothing has happened, if you believe that your husband does not love you anymore more so possibly because he has another woman, if it will be best for all of you especially for your kids not to witness anymore your fights and arguments which can affect them emotionally, and if you have searched your heart and soul that you would be happier to let him go, then, I believe, you have to end it all.

Take care of your hearlth because too much stress and tension may cause high blood pressure, heart problems and even some deadly diseases. Pray hard that God may help you surpass all these problems that beset your marriage and family. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 3

Too many people bail out of marriages when things get tough. I am not making light of your situation. Why are you fighting? Why did things go sour? You need to look back at why you married your husband in the first place. Marriage counseling is a must. It may need to start as one on one sessions before the two of you meet with a counselor at the same time. By being resilient, you will be showing your kids that there is no reward in quitting and that sometimes you have to fight tooth and nail for something you really want. Some time away would also help, but avoid the hotels. If at all possible, stay with relatives or a close friend. Stay strong and try to save the marriage.

Answer 4

Even though he has money in those accounts that money is also yours. If you no for sure that it is over then use that money to file and get yourself an attorney. Good luck. Just so you no even after the divorce he will not go away. They are always there. The fighting will still continue. My EX still thinks he can tell me what to do, he was very controlling. But it is getting easier I can just hang up the phone. Good Luck in whatever you choose to do.

Answer 5

The other guy was on the right track, maybe marriage counselling would be a good idea. Or even just separating for a while, you know they say "absence makes the heart grow fonder..." It couldnt be any worse than getting a divorce, and that way, you can work on your relationship on more neutral (i dont know what other word to use) ground. That way you don't have to deal with the daily things that drive each other crazy, but with the big issues that you have.

Answer 6

Hi, Why not take some time to chill out and meditate on yourself. Think of a way to escape for just an hour and take a walk, figure out on the walk how to get a day away, on the day-away think of how to get a week. etc. good luck

Answer 7

It always need to two hands to clap. First you have to think for the well being for your children. There must alway be love so that you will marriage to your husband. Calm down and think what happen that lead to all the agruments (surely there must a reason). Both of your husband and you had to sit down to talk. Divorce is easy.........but what would happen to your children.

Answer 8

Try the book "Love is a Choice." Maybe take a break without rushing into divorce. Are you sleeping in separate rooms?

Answer 9

Try to work things out with him......Single moms with multiple kids can get along just fine...but you should a least try to work things out....I can't make the descision for you ...but a least try....then you'll know that you at least tryed!

Answer 10

What all all the fights over? Try marriage counseling - it could help.