I had been married for almost 11yrs..Now it is over!! I have been alone for a long time due to his traveling out of the country...And now he tells me he does not love me anymore..Are sex life has been terriable for the past 5 yrs..NONE in 13mo..We were a young couple we should have had more of a intimate relationship..But now I know why..I suppose if I was in a marriage and did not love the person I was with I would not be sexual either..Right?Any advice??I am open...
2006-08-01 15:03:00 · 19 answers · asked by He~loves me~NOT 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
How can a man go without sex for months at a time ?when he has a thin attractive wife...I just dont understand....But then I ask him if he still loves me and he says no I do not..Do you think there is someone else???Not that it really matters now,#1 he told me that last year,but I thought his job was to stressful and he was out of the country alot...MMMM made me think he had someone else..But now he has been here for over a year,so surely no woman in there right state of mind would wait ..So I ask him again a month ago,thinking he would have a better answer this time..DO YOU STILL LOVE ME????His answer .. NO !!! So I ask him to leave..Did I do the right thing?? I think so..
2006-08-02 10:59:47 · update #1
well.. my advice would be to start with asking yourself what you want. Do you want to continue this relationship the way it is? OF course not, you need your mate to be around and to be intimate with you. The best you could do if you truely do not want the marraige to end is to ask your husband to see a counselor with you and try to work out a managable solution to the issues at hand. If he is sure he wants out, then there is nothing you can do , other than to move on. Let go and gear up for the future that lies ahead of you. There is always pain and sorrow attached to ending any relationship, however I have to remind you that even though a relationship is ending allow a part of you to feel freed, happy and EXCITED that you have a new , fresh start on life and your future.. remember how exciting it was falling in love? well just think you have the opportunity to do that again. LOOK FORWARD to the man God has for you in the future.. dont worry about when , just enjoy the journey and when the right man comes in your life, you will just know it! Good luck and I wish you lots of love!
2006-08-01 15:22:07 · answer #1 · answered by minx 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
oh wow, that must feel so awful. first of all, i am sorry.
the next thing i would wonder is, has he said he is completely against trying to make it work? if he has said there is no hope, that is different, it means he feels like he doesn't know what to do to get back the love. if he is AGAINST trying again, there's probably very little you can do....
on the other hand, if you guys are just stuck in an 11 year trap of wishing it worked, i completely recommend you reading the book "Getting the Love you Want" by Harville Hendrix. It is revolutionary and will change your life. (even if you end up splitting, you need to read it so you can come to understand what happened.) If you read it together, buy two copies so that you can both read at the same time and not have to catch each other up on discussion.
i know a book sounds like it's not anything you haven't tried before, but i am serious that people shred their divorce papers that they were ready to file after reading it.
another thing you ought to do right away (as you're waiting for Barnes & Nobel to open tomorrow morning, ha ha) is get back to whatever attracted you guys to each other in the first place. If you did a hobby or sport together or went to jazz clubs or gourmet food or baseball games or WHATEVER IT WAS that attracted you to each other. It won't make a LASTING change so of course you can't act like that has changed everything, but it WILL get you guys back to the reasons you loved each other from the start.
good luck. i hope this is helpful to you.
2006-08-01 22:13:57 · answer #2 · answered by Hot Lips 4077 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is it you need advice on? I read a story of a relationship that is over, but not sure why you want advice...advice to get back together? Advice to help you move on? Advice to keep it from happening to you again?
It seems you are implying your husband never loved you...I dont' know if he did or not, but can't see why anyone would marry someone and stay with them for 11 yrs if they didn't love them at some point...yes, love can fade or die...the idea of everlasting, unconditional love between a romantic couple is (for the most part) a fairy tale...it will usually end at some point, and there are almost always conditions...
I hope you find a way to heal and not be bitter...there's still much of life ahead of you...allow yourself (when you are ready) to get out there and live it...and love it!
2006-08-01 22:09:41 · answer #3 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it's over it's over, move on. The most important thing for humans to do is to learn from their past. Also, a relationship should never be built around sex. If I were in your shoes, I would try being alone for a while and really get to know myself. Once you know who you are and what you truly like then you will have a better chance at finding someone else that is compatible with you. Good luck, the future is yours.
2006-08-01 22:11:07 · answer #4 · answered by Dude 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is difficult to maintain love and harmony relationship in long times as just like you did 11 years!!
Long distance relationship even in marriage relation is always have big risks...and most of them are failed.
Long distance creates empty spaces that might be fulfill by somebody else for example when he feels lonely or sad and there weren't you there and somebody come and fulfill his need with tender way this will make him turn his heart from you and become loves her...that many times happened to couples who are doing long relationship.
And if you think that your marriage is going to end since he don't love you anymore..i can't help but please think about the kids that you both have. Please decrease your both ego, and lets discuss about the weaknesses and mistakes that you both did and please give you both second chance to built healthy marriage for your kids...maybe after years hope that the love is coming back.
Good Luck
2006-08-01 22:20:36 · answer #5 · answered by Fie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, my wife said I can't answer your question. She said something about your question being illogical or something like that.
Wait, she changed her mind and said "sweet heart, you can't write that!" and "stop writing!" But i believe she wants to tell you to move on. No sex is kinda like a red flag but not for sure. But when he's very clear on say that he doesn't love you, well, it's kinda hard to get anymore obvious than that.
So i recommend racking up his credit cards and head to the beach in Mexico called Isla Mujeres. It's a twenty minute boat ride from Cancun. Be safe
2006-08-01 22:17:21 · answer #6 · answered by subjex@sbcglobal.net 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well he said he doesn't love you. That should be enough for you to pick up and go. Being in a marriage with no sex is hard. It cuts you to the quick. They may be things your not aware of with your spouse. Could he be gay? 13 months is a long time in a marriage with out sex. Good luck. Think of yourself in this situation and what you deserve.
2006-08-01 22:09:34 · answer #7 · answered by Constance Olivia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well maybe its time to move on, he's most likely been cheating on you while he's out of town or country. you're still young you can still find someone else, it is no use to try to work things out cause obvouisly he doesn't love you anymore and its been happening for the past 5yrs now. sex is a major part of your relationship, if its terrible then he's just using you to get alittle pleasure for himself whether you enjoy it or not, cause there might be someone else that he cares about more now.
2006-08-01 22:17:02 · answer #8 · answered by paluzzi81 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
11 years is a long time...men get bored. It's an ADHD world now adays men like a little change why don't you suggest a bring a girl frined home introduce her to your husband it will add some interesting dynamics and synergy thus reinvigerating the marriage. Then if he starts getting bored again in a few years offer to bring home three more girls...........THEN AGAIN maybe your husbands just gay;
2006-08-01 22:11:48 · answer #9 · answered by rache001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just think of it this way. You were faithful to him for 11 years. Now you get to dabble a bit. You get a chance to do whatever you want. Go get yours!! I'm sure he did. Men can't go that long without sex.
2006-08-01 22:08:00 · answer #10 · answered by jmk_jenmarie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋