At what age is it appropriate to leave a child home all day by him/herself?

Question

I am divorced and my 12 year old son has 1 month of summer vacation to spend with his dad. I have joint custody with principal residence. I have asked my son's dad what plans he has for our son when he goes to work and he tells me it is none of my business. Today is the first day he is with his dad for the entire month of August. He leaves for work around 6 am and returns around 6:30 or 7 pm. I think that is unacceptable. He lives in a rural farming community and the child is alone all day. There is no land line for a telephone. I have given my son a cell phone to call in case of an emergency. He has called me over a dozen times today and text messages me constantly that he misses me and is bored etc. The relationship between his father and myself is horrible. Short of calling social services or the police I don't know what else to do. I have tried numerous times to speak to him about this. It will start WWIII if I drive out to pick him up. Suggestions please.

Answer 1

I would have to say start a war. Your child's life could be at stake. Some kids might be ok to stay home at 12 but most are not mature enough, and the fact that he's calling you says that he's uncomfortable being alone. Anything could happen in a remote area to a kid all alone. He could fall and break his leg and not be able to get to a phone or it could be worse. If your ex won't listen I would say get the courts invoved, or maybe the two of you could agree to split the cost of a nanny. Good luck.

Answer 2

I think 12 is an good age to start. I am sure your son may not like the fact that he is bored and and you may feel some anxiety about him being alone the first time especially considering that he is not alone in your own house where yuou can run and check on him. Divorce is a nasty thing isnt it ... If your son is behind in maturity for his age i would say wait till 14 but if he is a normal 12 year old kid and knows how to use that cellphone he is old enough now to be alone the entire day.

Answer 3

I have been through a divorce with two kids and you can make this work. In fact you must- your child did not get a divorce you did.
Being divorced means you don't have to live with the pain in your behind anymore, but you have to be civil when talking to him- I can talk to anyone calmly for 15 minutes and you can too.
Ask him calmly about the situation- if there is a way that you could break up the time so that he is getting quality time with your son.
Also, do not make comments to your son that make him feel more homesick. Encourage him to find things to do. If your son is mature, then he should be OK. My personal opinion,no child needs to be left all day to do nothing because they will find something to get into.
If violence has been a problem, take it to the family law master.
I live two states away and we get along better now than we did. Gooduck

Answer 4

My wife says 13 is the legal age.
I think it depends on the maturity and the situation of the home. I would think that there would be a farm family the kid could be with for some of the time helping around a farm would be a good experience, I think your question about your sons situation is your business.
A 12 yr old should have some things to do and shouldn't be bored, I had chores to do and I was always target shooting with my bow and arrows or making things . No TV and no "game-boys" just imagination.

Answer 5

I have no experience in custodial problems other than what I hear and have seen through my friends. Before I address your question let me tell you this. DO NOT and i repeat DO NOT make this a tit for tat with your ex husband it will only hurt your son.

Next 12 years old is acceptable to be left alone for short times and longer if able to get to emergency personel if needed. Child services most likely will not take this an immediate threat. Although they do have to follow up on every report they get it can take a long time. And if your son is NOT being abused it is advisable not to "waste" ( not that your son life in the case of an emergency isnt important there are kids worse off)>>>>

Perhaps if you know someone who lives by that is willing to either check up on him or have him stay with them while dads at work.. If hes supposed to be doing chores arouund the farm...If he is so bored suggest he get a book or two at the book store with his dad. Or suggest your ex take him to work or near his work depending where he works and what he does.. Perhaps talk to your ex and ur son...

if your ex if not compliant with your worries * make sure you stress the points of no land line and that he does live far from any help in case of an emergency* after all 12 year old boys are very curious creatures.. Suggest he go into work or with someone else that may have a land line until he gets out of work. or perhaps can find things for him to do to help around his work or another place near his * if safe*...if not than perhaps he can go to some ones house that ur husband trusts and has a landline and can do chores or something..

also cell phones dont always get good reception * a good point to make to ex if needed*


I have friend who lived out in the sticks and they still had a landline and even friends who have lived on farm country ranch land....neighbours were a good 5 miles away if not more..stll had a land line.. perhaps there is a land line that u dont know of....


if nothign...call the local police and ask how busy they are. and see if they can send someone to check on him every so often...


give him safety tips in case of jsut in case..


try to talk about it first... but dont say or do anything that may cause a big upraor with ex and that may spike up "words" about you to ur son..

tread lightly but keep YOUR SONS safety and needs first..Not your worries or your need to try to do anythign negative to or in your husbands favour..


hope that helps


and calling the police doesnt always mean fileing charges or anything legal...the police are there for the general safety..and if it is the pic u painted, that type of town they can send someone out there..or maybe have him do work there...


but 6 am-7 is WAY too long for a child to be by themselves without any supervision...

depending how far the neighbor is....maybe yourex can hire a nanny sort of..that will be there nto to boss ur son around but to help entertain him and if need be take him to the Drs or what not and if fire can go to neighbours or what nto....if that is the only solution u can get him to agree to its better than nothing..

good luck

Answer 6

At 12, he should be mature and responsible enough to take care of himself in the area you just described. He can get himself food and drink and whatever else he needs. He should also know by know basic safety and first aid by that age. I'm talking about not answering the door to strangers, what to do for minor cuts, scrapes, etc... If you don't feel he can take care of himself, then ask the father about splitting the cost of a sitter for the time that he's at work. That shouldn't cause too much fuss with him, although your son may object strongly.
If you think he's physically OK, then stop worrying! I know it's hard to let your child go for long periods of time, but you have to trust him to be smart. Take the chance to be a woman again, not just a mother. Go out with your friends, go shopping, take long bubble baths, whatever you enjoy. Make the best of your time alone, it doesn't happen often for single parents.

Answer 7

Back off of your husband. He has to work to pay bills. Your son will learn a lot just by observing the fact that "dad works."

He could be a lot worse and in jail or better yet, unackowledging of his sons presence to begin with.

When I was 12, I didn't need my mother or father to be around for days and I did well. I guess I am just not a helpless person and intelligent enough to adapt to my surroundings. If your son does not develop that trait, he will be lost in his later years when he is an adult and will have to take care of himself.

Your ex-husband deserves custody with his son and is teaching his son the value of independence and rational logic.

If you need to, speak to your son once at lunchtime and don't place pity on him for being alone. Encourage your son to explore his surrounds (with caution of course).

Talk to your ex husband once a week or only when you are in a good mood. Do not bombard him with questions or opinions (I sense that you are a controlling person and this is why you and he divorced to begin with).

Be positive and accept that despite your not so good relationship with your ex, that he is a helluva a lot better than most slacker fathers who do not even accept the existance of their children or only do so in an abusive manner.

Answer 8

Tell your son to sit down and write his dad a letter about how he feels about this awful situation. Try to be available to talk to your son whenever he calls you. Maybe you can send him a box with somethings from home that he may be missing. Explain to your son that if there was anything at all you could do to make this better for him you would...but you can't so he needs to try and get through time by looking forward to the end of the month. I feel so sorry for both of you and If I were in your shoes I would be heartbroken.

Answer 9

The child needs to be able to look after themself.. Cook dinner, help themself if anything should happen and in no way does a 12 year old have the maturity to stay home! I think 16 should be the youngest! If the child is mature and responsible at 15 then yes, but if not, a big nooo!

Answer 10

12 is acceptable, except when the father has nothing for him to do nor if there is nothing that he has i would personally pick him up or give him something to keep him preoccupied. gaming systems would most likely be the greatest thing but it depends on what hes interested in, otherwise, i would call the father and tell him to spend more time with the child, if he fought for the month, spend time with him instead of getting revenge on the divorced mother. but anyway good luck