Abusive husband left us today, how do I move on and rebuild my shattered self esteem?

Question

I have been writing about my verbal/emotionally abusive husband for the past several weeks. I had been planning on leaving him and I think that he could feel it. We argued and he pulled his "I'm leaving" stunt(kept saying he was leaving, etc.) I told him to leave then after he was already packing his bags. He has left 5 times in the past and I always ask him to come back almost begging him too because I get so scared and lonely. He accused me of making him leave to make me feel bad. I haven't cried but I am a little sad but feeling a bit free. He told me he wasn't going to give me any money to take care of the kids until the courts force him to. I took $900 out the bank today to have something to start with. He's pissed! I need it though. I'm just wondering how I'm going to move on and rebuild my life. We'll be going to move over my mom's house where I have support. I have been going to therapy for 6 weeks and I like her but she keeps telling me i need to know who I am and work on that

Answer 1

With all that happened to you, you have to go slowly but surely. You took a very good step today, you freed yourself and your children from a manipulative and abusive person.
Now, take baby steps, one at the time. It's not easy to rebuild self esteem but it is possible to do it for sure. Don't worry about him giving you money for now. It will come later. I understand he is pissed. Don't let that affect you. Think about you and your children. There are programs in all countries for women in your situation. Look around on the net. What will help you now is to keep contacts with him to a minimum and if there is a need to see him, make sure you are not alone in the house. When the urge to call him or beg him to come back, call a friend, go to the mall, go bowling with your children. You are on a good path to move on. Your only enemy right now is yourself... and I know you can do it and get out of this completely. You can and will have your good life back. Good luck to you. Feel free to contact me if you need support. God bless.

Answer 2

First of all, its easy for your therapist of 6 weeks to tell you that you need to know who you are and work on that. What is the therapist doing to help you accomplish this? My adivice would be to find another therapist. As for your husband leaving, don't ask him to come back, let him go...this is your chance to start over again and you are lucky to have your moms house to go to. Many women don't have a place to go...Your husband is abusive...so if you are going to start over...you have to get past his 'I'm sorry and I'll change'...its all verbal and emotional abuse....you've been through enough and he will NOT change so that means that YOU have to change. Go to your moms house and begin to make the change. Your self esteem will never improve until you make up your mind that you have to do this. First you have to deal with the situation, get moms support and then when you have a few weeks or a month past...THEN and only then can you work on YOU. Right now work on getting your husband out of your life...and keep him out. As for the support for the kids...eventually the courts will get after him and he will have to pay. You have a roof over your head living at moms and you and your kids will be ok. First thing as I said is get your husband in the past...deal with the present, get settled, and then work on what your plans will be...and then you'll feel a sense of self and you will have a more positive self esteem....The hard part is over...the abusive husband has left!

Answer 3

First of all you are a smart woman u took charge and made a final push about your marriage.See when we havent done anything wrong especially in marriage the person who is at fault will never admit to it. they will find the next target to put the blame on. i know how u feel. I have been there.
Dont worry you will feel sad for some time good you are going to therapy .go on get a makeover and try moving to a new place. it will help u a lot. try to meet your friends or start a job .something to break the monotony.

Answer 4

First of all GOOD FOR YOU. Keep going to therapy, and it is a good thing you can stay with your Mom at least for awhile but dont make it permanent. You will find yourself in time. When you have been emotionally abused like you have your own identity has been shaken to the core and your self asteem is shot. Take it one day at a time or even 5 minutes at a time. Good luck.

Answer 5

You definitely needed to be away from him if he was verbally and emotionally abusive. Its alarming to hear of a father shirking the responsibility of his own children. The courts will get him if he chooses to continue on this path. Take this time to move towards finding peace within yourself. If he truly loves his wife and his own children, reasonable communication is in order. Sounds like he may need some individual counseling as well.

Answer 6

I'm sorry for your troubles, but glad he's out. Money is never easy at the best of times, and may now get worse for a while. But you won't starve, you'll survive and get through this. But don't get us all wrong: it's not a battle. There will be hard times, but there will be many good times too. My wife and i split, i have the kids, and she doesn't help at all. But the kids respond beautifully. You'll see. They need to see that people demand and deserve self respect. They need to see you stand up for yourself, and you've done that. Well done, and keep working at it.

Answer 7

Mr. Chivalry says, "He didn't deserve a woman at all. Time for you to start taking time for yourself. I know you have children, but take some time for yourself. Do not ask him to come back. If you feel lonely, think about how better off you are. Think about how you no longer have to hear the things you used to hear. You are a free bird. Do not ask him to come back."

Mr. Chivalry has spoken.

Answer 8

Seek assistance from women's shelters. They will be your best resources. Especially if you are "starting over" and your funds are limited. Police departments and hospitals are also good places to contact for information. They will point you in the right direction.

Stay strong, you'll stay alive that way.

Answer 9

Do not take him back... He is no good for you... Keep going to your therapy it will help you and teach you how to cope. You will be fine,as time goes on you will wish you have done it sooner.. It is hard,BUT trust me you will be fine....Stay with your parent until you are on your feet and then move on with your life and dreams... Good luck !! And be strong it is important.....Keep family and friends very near it helps more than I can say..

Answer 10

Way to go girl!!! It will take some time but leaving him is the best thing you could have done for your child and you. My prays are with you!